It is indeed a most interesting discussion.
I would also think that micromanaging your child's life to this degree is a sure fire way to rebellion.
The point is that it's not micromanaging.
You prime your children to want to do the extra curriculars and to study hard, and when the teen years arrive you do not give them an allowance so they really need that job or they do not get to go out and have fun.
Reducing all relationships to the level of using each other is quite sad, but I think you have done a reductio ad absurdum to defend your pov. I would hope that children would grow up to see relationships as mutually life enhancing, and not in the cut and dried way implied in your post.
If I may be so bold I would like to suggest that you can have fun with friends too.
You can get a great deal of satisfaction from earning a wage, buying clothes or makeup or whatever else you want and having money to go out, and you can learn lots of life skills too, when you have a part time job. You might even find yourself practicing the all important negotiation skills that girls do not normally learn from school or from our culture, which gives girls the message that sticking your neck out and sticking up for yourself is not OK for girls or women to do.
This brings me to the next point, about porn.
My point was that expectations for boys and girls alike have both changed. Boys are expected to have a completely shaven penis that's at least 8 inches long when erect, and be able to thrust mindlessly for half an hour or more before coming. This is pretty equally damaging compared to the expectation that the girl be again, completely shaven, and be happy to engage in all manner of physically improbable positions that professional gymnasts might not even be capable of, before having the guy spaff in her face.
Again, the point is not about the mechanics. It's not about the specific visual/physical expectations.
To a certain extent it is about the content - insofar as the content reveals what is expected of girls, i.e. performance for the benefit of the audience and for the benefit of the sex partner, and the outcome, i.e. degradation of the female by the male.
The point about what porn has done to our culture is that girls live in a society where they are not empowered to go against the expectations, where bucking the expectations makes you a pariah. In other words, porn has emboldened the patriarchy exponentially, and girls have lost a huge amount of choice as a result when it comes to their behaviour in relationships. Saying there are expectations for boys too is like asking 'But what about the menz?' It is tokenism. Porn is about reducing women as a class to the level of what their orifices can do for men. It is about reducing sex to the level of a performance put on for women or girls for the benefit of men. It has the effect of creating the impression that everything girls or women do must be open to the judgement of men since everything girls and women do must be for the benefit of the male audience. It gives men the strong impression that this state of affairs is mainstream and the way life should be. Teenagers are not known for their subtlety and the culture they absorb is not very subtle either.
You shouldn't be forced out of sex due to another persons erroneous concept of what sex is for either of you
And you shouldn't be forced into sex, or feel pressured into considering sex, because of someone's erroneous concept that you are missing out on some vital life skills that you can't get anywhere else, or because of the subtext in the messages about sex that if you are not going to do it you are a prude. This is frequently not a subtext. It is very often front and centre. There is a huge amount of self serving argument around sex, among teens, and we see that in the pestering for nude photos, the sexting; ultimately the pressure to do what the boy wants or face a loss of status among peers or even loss of the relationship (that often bestows status).
The teen sex scene is all about power. It is about power wielded by one group over another. Girls find themselves in the group that does not have the power. So the issue of condom use is often a fraught one. So also is the issue of female contraception. Plenty of girls find themselves part of the equation 'if you loved me then you would/wouldn't...' where the conditions can include 'ask me to wear a condom/go on the Pill/you would have a baby for me.'
And yes, there is abortion. It's not ok to facilitate a situation, or value a certain kind of relationship above other (sexual), or a certain activity above others (sex), in a culture where the balance of power is not on the girl's side, where there is a potential for a girl to find herself in a position where she has such hard decisions to make.
The risks are not like those taken in rugby, where there are rules and a referee and a coach and spectators. Abuse and pressure and manipulation and coercion and feelings of powerlessness take place behind closed doors, in a world where there are dynamics working against the girls, and in which the risks are borne disproportionately by the girls.
Risk management is part of life
YY to this, but obviously not to the point you intended.
Risk management is what parents do when they encourage activities other than sexual relationships.
...the fact that you think a teenager is going to be equally happy about the prospect of volunteering and the prospect of sex is pretty amusing. Secondly, who decided that part time jobs, volunteering, and contributing to the running of the home are not compatible with also having sex or a relationship? Why are you making the decision for your child that randomly working in an old persons care home is of more value to their life than their first romantic relationship? You seem to be saying "But OBVIOUSLY X, Y and Z is better for my child then Q"
This is a circular argument, based on a bias in favour of teenage sex, and including either a misunderstanding of what I posted or a mischaracterisation.
I don't think parents should adopt the proposition that if something makes a teen happy then it is fine and if something does not make them happy then that thing must not be good. I can think of dozens of examples of really boneheaded things that nobody but teens would consider ok.
Who gets to decide? You arrive at a decision with your child, by persuasion and in a context of respectful discussion. If the discussion is about sex and how happy it will make a teen, the parent can remind the teen that they have their whole life ahead of them, and ask what's the hurry. (An honest answer to that can reveal much.)