Controlling SIL trying to stop DD having a house party

[mother2mother]

Dd is having a house party. By this I mean she's got a tone of cheap disco lights of amazon, she's borrowing a sound system, there's a mix being made and I've agreed that I'll buy beer and cider for the party so long as she contributes towards it (people who want to come have been giving donations). Anyway I'm on board as her friend has had similar parties (she borrowed some of the lights from her) and the worst that's happened is a tone of tired, sore throated teenagers having danced like idiots and sang all night. These do have reasonable turnouts by the way. She's asked for a midnight finish. Anyway I'm leaving the house (my sister lives less than 10 seconds away so it's not completely unsupervised). Anyway my SIL found out and has told DD it's not happening and she'll make sure of it.

She's told DD that if it does happen she'll come down, kick everyone out and take all the stuff used (speakers, lights, food, drinks etc). I know she won't do this she's all talk to action but DD is worried she will. DD is young 15 by the way and yes the guests parents know there will be alcohol.

By the way she is young 15. so should I tell SIL to f*ck off or should I cancel DD's party. And yes I'm taking precautions like upstairs locked off and anything remotely valuable (even something like a phone charger) will be removed from the bottom floor where the party is). Unless someone is incredibly strong or has a complex lock pick set no one outside DD will be able to get upstairs.

I'm leaving the house

Then you are being an idiot. You’re leaving a bunch of 15 year olds in a house alone with copious amounts of alcohol? (And there will be copious amounts)

Do the other parents know you are leaving them unsupervised?

I've managed nightclubs op...NO security company], that supplies door staff, would touch this with a barge pole. They're not going to babysit your children at your underage booze and drugs fest. So you can forget that idea. Please don't embarrass yourself by asking. It. Won't. Happen.

I was a very sensible quite immature 15 year old ..my parents went away for a weekend and I had the party from hell- teenagers and alchohol is such an unpredictable mix and can be a total nightmare

Yes they're a bit young to drink and I'd probably wait until 16 but not the end of the world. If things go wrong they go wrong and you cross that bridge then.

Yeah I mean alcohol poisoning and hospital or worse but hey cross that bridge then

OP you are either incredibly naive or incredibly stupid.

As the mother of a DD15, please parent your child more responsibly. Your SIL sounds like a sensible adult, maybe ask her for some tips.

"By the way she is young 15."

And yet you are leaving her unsupervised in charge of a party with other 15ish year olds in your home with alcohol you have provided (and more others will bring).

Irresponsible doesn't even begin to describe your parenting and I can understand why your SIL is concerned.

Yes they're a bit young to drink and I'd probably wait until 16 but not the end of the world. If things go wrong they go wrong and you cross that bridge then.

Speaking as the mother of a girl who has made several trips in an ambulance with an unconscious friend/acquaintance/random person she met at a party, the person who will be crossing the bridge is most likely the quietest and most responsible youngster present WHO BLOODY DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS. Walking away and leaving them means if things go wrong it will be a terrified child who has to make the call whether to call an ambulance (and risk looking silly/getting told off by the paramedics/alienating all her friends/never being allowed out to a party again).

Yes, dd also attended parties where nothing went wrong. Of course she did. But one party where things go wrong can leave unretrievable damage in its wake.

OP, does your dd know how to avoid pregnancy? Because drink removes inhibitions.

What you are doing is out and out illegal! Supplying alcohol to underage children.

And does your husband have a view on this? Or does his sister do the rational thinking for that side of the family?

DD1 had a party in our “granny flat” above our garage that she now lives in. She’s had parties and been to them since 15. I see no issue personally, we never had any issues as parents in the friend group with stomach pumping or anything like that. Tell your SIL to bore off and get a grip.
15 year olds will drink whether we like it or not unfortunately and as my mother said if it doesn’t happen under your roof it happens under your nose.

What you are doing is out and out illegal!

It actually isn’t.

Well good luck with that.
My dd went to a similar party at 16 with people she had known all her school days.
One of the boys had managed to get rohipnol off the internet and spiked her drink with it (for a laugh)(he wanted to see if it worked).
Parents came back to an unconsious teenager and hysterical teens.
Have fun x

@Athrawes it's not so long as it's on private premises. We're in the U.K. so we follow U.K. law and they can drink in my house

Totally irresponsible. Why would you actively encourage under age drinking??? It doesn’t make you a cool mum- it makes you seem sad and desperate. Grow up.

This has to be a joke!
No parent can actually think this is ok?
Well done OP *slow hand clap

You're not a regular mum, you're a cool mum.

@ashvivienne that’s a really good point. Better home than in the park with white lightening (ah, to be young again). That said, not being at home just in case is maybe not a great idea.

Don’t go out. I had to get rid of a couple of gatecrashers when DS had a party for his 16th. If I hadn’t been there it could have escalated quite quickly.

I also made them bring their own booze so I wasn’t supplying it.

Ok because of this I've decided to stay upstairs although I've made it clear if I don't hear any worrying noises or feel like I need to come down I'll leave them alone. So if I hear a tone of teenagers singing the lyrics to horrible pop I'll stay upstairs although If I hear the sound of someone falling I'll come down

Also DD is doing a Invite only/ask if you can come and her and a few friends are checking at the door (with me 10 seconds away on call)

Sounds like you've got it sorted. Also, you being there means you can deal with meddling SIL if she tries to bully her way in. Good luck - and hope your DD has an excellent time.

Also DD is doing a Invite only/ask if you can come and her and a few friends are checking at the door (with me 10 seconds away on call)

Yep, that’ll work

Thanks to everyone for helping me. I'll admit some of you's were a bit aggressive but a lot of you's were reasonable. Turns out my DD is fine with me upstairs so long as I don't end up disturbing them for no reason (like if they are dancing and singing and I come down stopping them). She said that if I'm there it means I could help them setup which I'm more than happy to do (putting lights up and helping them make sure the disco lights are even

We used to stay upstairs and watch TV.