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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Controlling SIL trying to stop DD having a house party

127 replies

mother2mother · 05/10/2018 20:17

Dd is having a house party. By this I mean she's got a tone of cheap disco lights of amazon, she's borrowing a sound system, there's a mix being made and I've agreed that I'll buy beer and cider for the party so long as she contributes towards it (people who want to come have been giving donations). Anyway I'm on board as her friend has had similar parties (she borrowed some of the lights from her) and the worst that's happened is a tone of tired, sore throated teenagers having danced like idiots and sang all night. These do have reasonable turnouts by the way. She's asked for a midnight finish. Anyway I'm leaving the house (my sister lives less than 10 seconds away so it's not completely unsupervised). Anyway my SIL found out and has told DD it's not happening and she'll make sure of it.

She's told DD that if it does happen she'll come down, kick everyone out and take all the stuff used (speakers, lights, food, drinks etc). I know she won't do this she's all talk to action but DD is worried she will. DD is young 15 by the way and yes the guests parents know there will be alcohol.

By the way she is young 15. so should I tell SIL to f*ck off or should I cancel DD's party. And yes I'm taking precautions like upstairs locked off and anything remotely valuable (even something like a phone charger) will be removed from the bottom floor where the party is). Unless someone is incredibly strong or has a complex lock pick set no one outside DD will be able to get upstairs.

OP posts:
Onlyfamandclosefknow · 05/10/2018 22:27

Sex drugs but no real danger?

These are 15 year old kids.

AmabelleOnabike · 05/10/2018 22:28

Wow! Your sense of parental responsibility has gone on holiday I take it? Because it is so uncool for your 15 year olds parents to be obviously keeping an eye on her and her friends? Your job as a parent is not done by the time your children are 15! Stay there and be seen and stop encouraging your teen to think she's equal to some stranger who's rich and famous (because you're the coolest parent in town Hmm)

Skittlesandbeer · 05/10/2018 22:28

Oh yes? How is your sister going to hear a problem from her house? Or a worrying silence? How is a kid going to find her, if your dd is the one who needs help? That’s not a plan.

Onlyfamandclosefknow · 05/10/2018 22:29

I can't believe people supply booze to 15 year olds like this and then fuck off.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 05/10/2018 22:30

my sister could probably get to the party in the exact same amount of time it would take me to get from upstairs to the party

But will she be going in to see what’s going on? Otherwise how will she know who’s shagging/throwing up/calling their dealer/breaking your TV/passed out in the back garden? And will she want to deal with the police etc?

The papers have loads of sensationalist headlines about massive fines for parents. I don’t know what the basis is because the articles are mostly in the Mail and they don’t want to get themselves all bogged down in facts

LondonLassInTheCountry · 05/10/2018 22:30

Your daughter was looking into getting bouncers to keep things under control???

Shes 15. Where is she getting the money and if bouncers are needed then theres likely going to be trouble

Coyoacan · 05/10/2018 22:31

Please, please inform the other parents that this is how it is going to be.

Namechangeforthiscancershit has hit the nail on the head, it was ever thus.

SillySallySingsSongs · 05/10/2018 22:32

You're planning on leaving 15 year olds with alcohol alone and unsupervised ( sister in another house is not supervision)? Are you mad?

^ this. Completely irresponsible if it's true

Sarahjconnor · 05/10/2018 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theworldistoosmall · 05/10/2018 22:33

If your DD is thinking about bouncers - ENGAGE ANY LOCIGAL THINKING YOU MAY POSSESS AND ASK YOURSELF WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS IF SHE FELT SECURE?
She clearly doesn't feel confident and needs supervision from an adult. So get the SIL in and let her be the adult.

BackforGood · 05/10/2018 22:34

Listen to everyone.....
Your concern shouldn't be about what your SiL is saying she will or won't do, your concern should be about your parenting.

Do you not have neighbours ? Confused
In what world is it ok for a bunch of 15 year olds to get lights and a sound system in the garden to disturb everyone.
You are on incredibly dodgy ground to buy alcohol for minors. Even more so, by then going out an abandoning them.
you need to take a serious look at yourself rather than worrying about your SiL needing to point out to you what a bad idea this is.

BlueUggs · 05/10/2018 22:36

What has it got to do with your SIL???!

Pannalash · 05/10/2018 22:37

Reverse

EdWinchester · 05/10/2018 22:38

How utterly irresponsible of you.

This is completely ridiculous.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 05/10/2018 22:41

I have 3 questions for you : does the the name Leah Betts ring any bells?
Do you know the signs of and how to deal with a nitrous oxide over dose?

will you confiscate the kiddies helium balloons ?

If the answer is no to any of these questions you should listen to your sister and cancel the party pronto before we read about this in the paper on Monday

Blatherskite · 05/10/2018 22:42

Bloody hell that's some shitty parenting!

Notcontent · 05/10/2018 22:42

Ha, ha, ha - the OP can’t be serious! This has to be a joke. The whole idea is so wrong for so many reasons. But if this is for real, I am so grateful I don’t live next door to the OP!!!!!!

supersop60 · 05/10/2018 22:43

What has your SIL got to do with it? Does she interfere like this generally?
Will you be at your sister's house?
I agree with PP - 15 is too young to have an unsupervised alcohol-fuelled party. You could stay upstairs.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2018 22:46

This is a terrible idea.

My parents went abroad and left my brother and me when I was only 15. He decided to have a house party and it was awful. I was frantically running around trying to keep the house safe. I had to fend off a guy, who locked me in the bathroom and sexually assaulted me. Some idiots trashed my room and others were having shake fhe can of beer and open it in the living room challenges.

Your dd wants bouncers. Maybe this will work, maybe it won’t. No way would I leave my dd alone in the house with teens and alcohol. It’s a recipe for disaster.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 05/10/2018 22:46

Op, if this is real you are being irresponsible. Why are you allowing a load of teens to drink alcohol while you are not there? It’s a stupid plan unless you intend to replace all your soft furnishings and carpets afterwards. It just takes one drunk, puking teen to cause a lot of damage!

NoSquirrels · 05/10/2018 22:46

You don’t sound old enough to have a 15 year old, OP. Confused

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 05/10/2018 22:47

I've agreed that I'll buy beer and cider for the party so long as she contributes towards it (people who want to come have been giving donations).

You lost me at that sentence! You're seriously telling us that you're providing alcohol for underage children to have a party in your house?

It isn't going to end well, OP, someone will probably end up in hospital having their stomach pumped, not to mention police involvement.

Why can't your DD have an alcohol-free party and you stay close by (perhaps hang out at your sister's) in case of emergencies?

All parents know that teens drink, but we don't need to encourage it - tell your DD that she'll able to drink legally in 3 years and leave it at that.

PurpleCrowbar · 05/10/2018 22:51

A) it's none of your SIL's beeswax. I can see why she's eye rolling, but she has zero jurisdiction over what you & your kids do in your house. So I'd start by telling her to sod off.

B) you are quite, quite bonkers to propose providing beer & cider to a bunch of 15yos & retreating to a distance. There will be vast quantities of vodka shipped in. Your house will get trashed. Someone will definitely be sick everywhere. At a minimum. There will be much copping off, & quite likely shagging. Substantial likelihood of a fight.

You don't need 'bouncers' - as a PP has pointed out, no reputable security people are going to oversee a houseful of unsupervised underage teenagers.

You need to be there, wandering about continuously with bowls of crisps & bin bags. You'll still almost inevitably have a massive pukey clean up operation next day, but you might at least avoid a police visit.

Seriously - bad idea. Slightly less bad idea if you happen to have a barn or a big garden to let them party & subsequently honk in - but still, bad idea.

My son is 14 & has attended a few similar parties. He's not a drinker (might occasionally share a bottle of lager with me) but I'm under no illusions that eventually I'll be confronted with a pissed boy chucking up all night. Hopefully nearer 18 than 14...

That party won't be happening in my house.

Sorry OP - you're a mug.

Havabiscuit · 05/10/2018 22:52

I had party for my daughters 15th Bday although dh and I were in the house. They were allowed a couple of bottles Prosecco ( so we thought) between 8 of them then sleepover. We went to bed about ten pm. Woke up about 2 am to find 3 of them vomitting. They all had bottles of vodka in their handbags. Nightmare! You are inviting a ton of trouble.

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