Controlling SIL trying to stop DD having a house party

[mother2mother]

Dd is having a house party. By this I mean she's got a tone of cheap disco lights of amazon, she's borrowing a sound system, there's a mix being made and I've agreed that I'll buy beer and cider for the party so long as she contributes towards it (people who want to come have been giving donations). Anyway I'm on board as her friend has had similar parties (she borrowed some of the lights from her) and the worst that's happened is a tone of tired, sore throated teenagers having danced like idiots and sang all night. These do have reasonable turnouts by the way. She's asked for a midnight finish. Anyway I'm leaving the house (my sister lives less than 10 seconds away so it's not completely unsupervised). Anyway my SIL found out and has told DD it's not happening and she'll make sure of it.

She's told DD that if it does happen she'll come down, kick everyone out and take all the stuff used (speakers, lights, food, drinks etc). I know she won't do this she's all talk to action but DD is worried she will. DD is young 15 by the way and yes the guests parents know there will be alcohol.

By the way she is young 15. so should I tell SIL to f*ck off or should I cancel DD's party. And yes I'm taking precautions like upstairs locked off and anything remotely valuable (even something like a phone charger) will be removed from the bottom floor where the party is). Unless someone is incredibly strong or has a complex lock pick set no one outside DD will be able to get upstairs.

Of course we all went to drunken houseparties at 15 but

A) never with no adults anywhere to be found
B) there were always drugs there
C) there was always underage sex
D) way more people turned up than planned (and this was pre-FB)
E) the police turned up maybe one in three times and always asked to speak to an adult

Presumably these parties in barns you went to did not have neighbours to disturb, or social media to affect attendance numbers. What will you do if the police turn up and ask why there is no supervision at all?

I wouldn’t be worried about a phone charger being nicked.

riiiight - so you are leaving your SIL in charge, but you dont want her to do anything?

I naively let my 16 year old have a party at home. It was carnage. We stayed home though, hiding upstairs for most of the time, so fortunately were able to keep an eye on things, stop people smoking in the house, call the paramedics (yes, really) and shut down the party when it got out of control.
Having said all that, it isn't your SILs business.
But please stay at home.

Oh and ambulance was called at least 50% of the time

You need to stay in the house upstairs to supervise. Leaving them alone is crazy.

I think your both naive and negligent. Your sister in law, luckily has more sense.

Why are you encouraging your 15 year old and her friends to booze, and to think that having fun means getting drunk?

I know that a lot of parents have memories of drinking beer/cider in their teenage years, and might think it’s not a big deal, but it really is. 15 is too young - physiologically different than 17 for example. You’re also encouraging drinking for the sake of getting drunk/being out of control (which you seem to expect since you’re locking valuables away) - why?

Also, if your daughter is 15 this is her GCSE year, why are you encouraging her to drink as she’s entering what can be a stressful period? I have GCSE pupils who I know drink, but very few who are encouraged to so by their parents. In my experience the GCSE and even A Level pupils who organise house parties are almost never those who make the most of their potential, and almost always among those who underperform.

Finally, if you do go ahead, have you thought about drugs? What will your daughter do if people are smoking weed or doing other drugs in your house?

None of sil's business but it's not appropriate to leave 15 year olds unsupervised in the house - just go upstairs then you can be close if there's problems. 16 is the earliest I allowed alcohol at a party and it was strictly controlled in quantity

My biological sister is the one nearby. My husbands sister is the one who's being annoying. She doesn't like any sort of social events my DD may have that aren't within school

Were I you, I’d stay upstairs, and maybe just good naturedly wander through at intervals of a few hours. This was typical of house parties I attended when I was 15 / 16. Worked as a latent reminder that help was there if needed.

@Racecardriver actually DD was looking into bouncers just to help keep everything under control (and also it's not uncool to have bouncers like it is if we had parents supervising since bouncers are associated with A list celebrities and big events at least to my daughter and her friends)

Your SIL is irrelevant. Are you reading what we're saying and the range of views about your parenting decision?

Ok I'm starting to not believe this....

Well, your SIL has no right to say what goes on in your home and she sounds like a right sanctimonious misery.

But I also think 15 year olds are just a wee bit young to be left completely unattended. How about you and your sister stay in the house but upstairs and out of the way? That way you‘ll also be able to throw SIL out should she appear.

Is this a reverse?

Why would you be buying alcohol for 15 year olds?

Some nds batshit crazy to me.

Are you mad ? I'm sure the neighbours will be thrilled !

since bouncers are associated with A list celebrities and big events

Bless! The rest of us associate bouncers with nasty clubs and the faint smell of vomit!

Someone will know more but I believe that properly registered security staff won’t work where there’s underage drinking, unless it’s to take the booze off the kids!

It’s none of your SIL’s business. It isn’t her home or her DD, and her DC aren’t attending. It’s no skin off her nose if your house gets wrecked or your DD or her friends get raped or pregnant. She needs to mind her own business. But don’t go crying to her when this irresponsible idea ends disastrously because it will all be your own fault.

My DD's had a few parties at 15. They had music and lights, some nibbles and yes a bit of booze. Nothing mad and I made sure I spoke to the actual parents about this.

However, I was in the house. Not a chance would I have left them alone, only fucking fools do this and then complain to the press about the party that went wrong, moaning about the damage with the pathetic sad face pictures.

Kudos on the SIL acting responsible and seeing this madness for what it is.

@kalinkafoxtrot45 my sister could probably get to the party in the exact same amount of time it would take me to get from upstairs to the party

Right, but if she's not in the house there's a lot that could happen without her hearing???

Are you actually old enough to be a parent?

We need more detail about the SIL.

Regarding the party, when I was 15 we got rip roaringly drunk every weekend - not necessarily at ‘parties’, but often just ‘round a mates’ for the evening (whoever had the parental free house) and whilst there was definitely sex and drugs and rock and roll, no real danger or police calling.

But I wouldn stay upstairs if I were you... or at least, next door with your sister so your daughter can come and get you if needed.

Riiight!

Alrighty then!

You should stay in the house and NOT provide booze