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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I found a sex toy under 17yo bed!

132 replies

bumble17 · 08/08/2018 16:52

I'm in complete shock, I just can not believe it. It went to flip over DDs mattress while stripping her bed as there was a huge coffee stain on the mattress, i scrubbed at it and decided to just flip the mattress as DD was moaning it stank of coffee.

When I lifted the mattress I found a sex toy! She is 17 years old so I know she is past the age of consent, but I didn't think you could buy anything like this until you were 18 years old! I don't know if to be mad or question how's she's bought it, I also don't want to humiliate her. I'm just so shocked and don't know how to go about it. Do I just leave it and forget or do I confront her? She does have a boyfriend as well. I haven't told DH as I'm scared of how he would react. The thought of it does make me feel quite sick. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
bumble17 · 08/08/2018 17:03

Thanks for the replies so quickly! You're all definitely right, but I can't lie and say I wasn't shocked. End of day she's still my baby girl and the thought of her growing up does make me feel sick, I didn't mean it in a nasty way I know it probably came across as it.

I can't lie and say I wasn't shocked because I was. I just didn't expect it. What parent does like to think their dd is up to things like that? I'm also a bit concerned that she may of been sold one while being under age, I first got one at age 24 and I got asked for ID. But like you said, a friend could of got her it. I dont recall her being friends with anyone older though, well not close enough to but her something like this. She went 17 in May.

I won't tell DH, it would upset him I think. She's a daddy's girl and he hated her having a boyfriend.

Once again thanks for you replies, maybe in 10 years time I could bring it up with her and we'll just laugh about it Smile

OP posts:
KissMeLikeYouMissMe · 08/08/2018 17:04

PLEASE do not say anything to her.

My mum found mine when I was about 18/19 and it was MORTIFYING!

YeTalkShiteHen · 08/08/2018 17:05

You can get them delivered in a plain box now OP Wink no older friend required Smile

I’m so so glad you’re not going to tell your DH especially, I remember my Mum telling my Dad I’d started my periods and him making a big fuss about me growing up (in a nice way) and I was mortified! If they’d ever discussed sex toys with me I think I’d have died of embarrassment Blush

Original poster
bumble17 · 08/08/2018 17:05

Confront her about where she had bought it PP. I'd like to think shops won't just sell things like this to any young girl because a lot of younger teenagers13/14 could probably pass for a 17 year old. I got asked for ID and you are meant to be 18 buy.

OP posts:
chicken75 · 08/08/2018 17:06

Welldone Op! I can understand the shock though Flowers

Frosty6611 · 08/08/2018 17:07

You can buy them places like Amazon and EBay now and and they arrive in plain packaging. I got a rampant rabbit thing from amazon just the other week for a tenner

trulybadlydeeply · 08/08/2018 17:07

Why does it make you feel sick? She's a young woman exploring her sexuality, which is perfectly normal. Good for her.

I am concerned that you don't know how your DH will react. Is he volatile /unpredictable? No reason to tell him, anyhow.

Of course none of us want too much information about our children's sex lives (and vice versa), so put it out of your mind and certainly don't mention it to her.

mimibunz · 08/08/2018 17:07

Seriously? You know teens masturbate, right? It’s none of your business.

saganorenscarandcoat · 08/08/2018 17:07

You are in shock and you feel quite sick??? You have found someone normal and this is how you feel? She's 17 not 7. I'm in shock and feel quite sick about your massive overreaction.

ShesABelter · 08/08/2018 17:08

My dad found mine when he was moving me to uni. I only found out when my older brother told me a few years ago so I was about 29. There's literally no need to mention it or even anything to feel sick about. That's an over reaction. Sex is perfectly natural as is using sex toys for pleasure.

Suggest she flips her own mattress in future if she is storing things under her bed she'd rather you didn't see. If you really need to mention it. That should be enough to turn her blood cold!

speakfriendandenter · 08/08/2018 17:08

So you think there should be a legal age restriction on masturbation?!! Hmm

BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/08/2018 17:09

Massive over reaction, it's not a crime!

Forget about it, and def don't tell DH Shock. I keep a lot from my DH about our 17 year old DDs. It's their own personal lives.

LadysFingers · 08/08/2018 17:09

DD said all her friends had one at that age! She said when they wanted sex, they could either pick a boy up and risk getting called a slag; or use a vibrator with no threat to their reputation! Which as a parent, would you prefer?

YeTalkShiteHen · 08/08/2018 17:09

ShesABelter love the username although it’ll be stuck in my head on loop now

Oh your poor Dad! I’m glad he never mentioned it to you though Smile

Sammyham88 · 08/08/2018 17:09

Agree with PP.

The most worrying thing here is how you're afraid your DH would react and you saying things like the thought of it making you feel sick, sure you probably don't won't to imagine her being sexually active like most people don't want to imagine their parents having sex, your reaction is completely OTT.

Don't say anything to DH, put it back and pretend like you never found it.

jazzyfizzles · 08/08/2018 17:10

Feel sick? Why, because she masturbates. In my understanding it's quite normal and healthy!

Myself and all my friends had them at that age, purchased online...they're easily obtained!

trulybadlydeeply · 08/08/2018 17:10

Oh and when I was in sixth form, one got passed around the class (rather like the class bear in reception, without the diary to share Grin) I didn't personally borrow it, but at that age girls are learning about their bodies, and what feels good, and it's perfectly natural.

Haberpop · 08/08/2018 17:11

Seems pretty daft to me that you can live on your own at 17 but not buy a vibrator until you are 18. Don't be mad at her and don't mention it, she is entitled to her privacy.

DoneDisappeared · 08/08/2018 17:11

Small children masturbate for goodness sake! It's really no big deal.

Apply brain bleach and move on (and have her clean her room!)

HollowTalk · 08/08/2018 17:14

Hang on, everyone. This is the only thread this poster's been on and everyone's talking about teenagers masturbating... Let's get MNHQ onto this.

Prettysureitsnotok · 08/08/2018 17:14

you can get them on amazon and in supermarkets ffs, well, bullets at least

Just be pleased that she knows what she's doing and isn't doomed to a life of unsatisfactory sex like women have been in the past!

titchy · 08/08/2018 17:14

Its a sex toy not an ISIS handbook. Perfectly legal for her to buy. Your reaction is really weird. Hmm

You might want to check she's using contraception with the boyfriend though.

YeTalkShiteHen · 08/08/2018 17:15

Hang on, everyone. This is the only thread this poster's been on and everyone's talking about teenagers masturbating... Let's get MNHQ onto this

Ffs didn’t even occur to me to check!

titchy · 08/08/2018 17:15
  • Hang on, everyone. This is the only thread this poster's been on and everyone's talking about teenagers masturbating... Let's get MNHQ onto this.

Good call

YeTalkShiteHen · 08/08/2018 17:15

I mean I should have!

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