Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How much Rent is fair to charge teenage son?

137 replies

Rentquery176 · 14/04/2018 13:44

Hi all
I am the proud owner of an 18 yr old ds. He has recently left school and got a job earning £14k pa (approx £1000 a month). He is living at home with his 13 yr old sister and me. I am a single parent working between 20 and 35 hrs a week and have lost a total of £339 pcm with him leaving school, including the loss of the single persons council tax benefit.

I have asked him to pay £40 per week in rent. He is objecting to paying this partly as his dad has helpfully told him how much maintenance he is paying, so feels he shouldn’t have to pay so much. He has said he will pay £30 a week but I am reluctant to accept this on principle, as much as anything.

Any opinions welcome. I have namechanged as I may show him this thread.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 15/04/2018 08:47

25 years ago, I voluntarily gave my parents £50 a week. It’s called taking responsibility. They never asked for it, but I was working 2 jobs, and earning decent money.

However, my dB the lazy toad, was always dragging his feet in paying.

I think op is being generous only asking for £40 a week. Her ex can fuck off, it’s none of his business. He can house his son if he’s that worried. Op will go back to paying one lot of council tax.

GaraMedouar · 15/04/2018 08:49

I’d say about £50 a week is reasonable.

MadameJosephine · 15/04/2018 09:02

OP is not using her son as a source of income. He’s an adult now and needs to learn to pay his way. It’s part of being a parent to help him learn how being a grown up works. I’d sit him down and go through the household budget with him and let him see exactly how much everything costs and then agree on a contribution towards his share. £30 is a week is a paltry amount, I think you were being generous to suggest £40 to be honest. I would have thought somewhere between £200 and £300 a month depending on what you can afford and what other outgoings he has in term of commuting costs etc. Even £300 a month leaves him with £700 disposable income!

Scabetty · 15/04/2018 09:22

Time for the big boy chat. If your ds is anything like mine there are endless showers, one wear and in the wash clothes, constant food supply plus electric gadgets plugged in. £40/50 is more than fair.

K1092902 · 15/04/2018 09:30

I dont understand charging rent either if im honest. If it makes it a real struggle for you then it's reasonable to ask him to pay the loss of CT benefit.

Hes an adult now though so if you are buying his food then he needs to pay for that as well as doing his own cooking and laundry.

I have 2 adult DSDs here and while we don't charge them rent they are expected to do what needs doing for themselves

MrsBobDylan · 15/04/2018 09:30

He can pay you £40/50 per week and still have plenty of spends for himself. Good parenting isn't free rent for as long as your kids need it. The really important stuff has already happened in the preceding 18 years.

MrsBobDylan · 15/04/2018 09:33

Sorry, I have to add this...my mum made a massive thing about all her kids living rent free etc, we were so lucky apparently. Except that she's horrible and ruined our fucking childhoods.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 15/04/2018 09:55

£50 a week is more than fair. If he’s going to pay you monthly that’s £215 a month, just in case he’s thinking of giving you £200 Smile

Scabetty · 15/04/2018 10:51

My friend doesn’t charge her working children any rent but once married they will be expected to support her and her husband through retirement. She supports her in-laws to the point they all live in the in-laws house now and 7 adults isn’t a walk in the park.

ragmayo · 15/04/2018 11:04

@Rentquery176 If you thing the £40 is reasonable then go for it. Maybe show him the alternative of his percentage of rent/council tax/tv/water/gas/electric etc to enlighten him?
Ignore all the posts stating you shouldn't charge, I'm sure they're rushing to another thread to call a mum an enabler and abuser for giving their child wotsits🤦‍♀️

headinhands · 15/04/2018 11:11

A child should want to contribute when they're earning. They should feel uncomfortable about not chipping in.

TroysMammy · 15/04/2018 11:14

I paid £25 a week and that was in 1986. I brought home about £550 a month.

Biologifemini · 15/04/2018 11:17

I wouldn’t but am from a different culture.
I don’t think that you are being unreasonable though.

Boxingdaydisappoints · 15/04/2018 12:38

I'd be interested to read the stepmum version of this thread where she's flamed to death for even suggesting such a thing as charging her DSS!

ineedaholidaynow · 15/04/2018 12:57

For those of you who are saying you couldn't charge your children rent/board whether it is down to cultural or other reasons, what would you do if your are in OP's position whereby her income has reduced due to her DC now earning? If you can no longer pay your bills what would you do?

If it is down to cultural reasons, does that mean in later years you expect your DC, especially oldest son, to house you and look after you, rather than the state? My MIL's mother is currently in a home, previously had carers looking after her in her own home. My MIL has had doctors and carers who come from a different culture saying that her mother should be in her son's home not being looked after by strangers.

NapQueen · 15/04/2018 13:00

Once out of education - 20%

expatinscotland · 15/04/2018 13:10

'My MIL has had doctors and carers who come from a different culture saying that her mother should be in her son's home not being looked after by strangers.'

Yep, with his wife doing the caring. Sexist bollocks.

snewname · 15/04/2018 13:18

I'm insisting mine put £200 into a help to buy isa in lieu of rent. But I can afford to do that. If you can't, then he should pay what it costs you to support him (food/share of bills) and he should also make up the loss of the single person supplement that you would have if he was not there. I'm sure that would total more than £40 per week. Or you could charge less but only if you can afford it.

ineedaholidaynow · 15/04/2018 14:04

"expat", exactly. It was a male doctor telling my MIL's elder brother that he should be looking after his mum, like the doctor was with his mum. My reaction was that I bet it was the doctor's wife doing the caring not the doctor.

My MIL likes to tell us quite a few stories about cultures where the parents live with the eldest son, not sure if she is dropping hints

Akire · 15/04/2018 14:15

There was a programme about struggling on benefits. One mums had disabled child and an earning teenage son. She was walking miles to get 5p bread and he had like 50 pairs of £100 trainers. Something not quite right when one adult has loads of cash and the other struggling to feed the one who’s working and chooses give as little possible to household budget.

tribpot · 15/04/2018 14:16

He is objecting to paying this partly as his dad has helpfully told him how much maintenance he is paying, so feels he shouldn’t have to pay so much.

Is his dad still paying the same amount of child support as he was before your ds left school?

Angharad07 · 15/04/2018 14:19

People are so entitled these days. What ever happened to contributing to the family unit! He should pay the £40 and he should be damn grateful. 18 isn’t a child. If he’s old enough to drink and vote then he’s old enough to pay a decent amount of rent. Also his father sounds like he’s mixing the pot. Tell him to ask his dad to house him for a better deal then!

QuiteLikely5 · 15/04/2018 14:24

Under your circumstances your son should pay for his keep!

If he doesn’t highlight that it would be much more expensive living elsewhere

The sad thing here is that he hasn’t offered happily to pay you £50 pw

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 15/04/2018 14:26

There used to be a tradition that the youngest daughter was expected to remain unmarried to take care of her aging parents.

Our codefied law (Germany, § 1619 BGB: Dienstleistungen in Haus und Geschäft.) contains a passage (not really enforcable in the courts), that basically says that "children within the limits of their abilities are obliged to contribute towards the running of the household" i. e. doing chores, handing over part of their earnings.
My DGP did, DP did, I and my siblings did, and my DC do their share (DS quite unwilling at the moment) and will give "Kostgeld" when it is their turn.

CanIBuffalo · 15/04/2018 14:28

I wouldn't talk to him about what you've 'lost' as that's neither here nor there and you can't expect him to make up for it.
I would sit him down and show him what it will cost you to house him and what it would cost him to house himself. Try to find the best available deal for him to house himself then give him the choice. He pays you or he pays his landlord etc.
What doesn't happen is that you subsidise him.
People I know charge their DCs rent but can afford to save that on the quiet and will give it back to the DCs in a lump sum at the appropriate time (house deposit etc)