Girlfriend staying the night?

[JellySlice]

17yo ds has asked if his gf can stay the night. They've been a couple for about 4 months. My instinct is to say yes (but keep the noise down). Dh is struggling with it. He admits that it's a further growing-up step that he wasn't ready for.

He asks, what about the gf, is it up to us to decide for her? What about how her parents might feel about this? We don't know her parents, have just met briefly, on the odd occasions when they picked her up from us. She's the same age as ds.

They're over the legal age of consent so I don't see an issue. Her parents surely wouldn't allow her to stay over at yours if they had an issue with it?

I would want to check that her parents know where she is staying. It’s possible she might say she is sleeping over with a female friend. Maybe ask for their number so you can have a quick chat (you don’t have to actually phone them if you don’t want to, but if he gives you the number it’s a good indicator that his gf is being open with her parents).

Apart from that, I’d say yes personally as they’re both over the age of consent. It’s up to you though.

You can always say no if you don’t feel comfortable about it.
Ask him if they have discussed contraception, talk to him about consent etc. I would focus on his side if it as that’s what you have most control over.
We have said no to sleepovers for now.

Also, with my boys, I had to force myself to mention that if a girlfriend gets pregnant accidentally they will have NO say in whether she has an abortion. The only input they have is in whether to use a condom or not. I also pointed out that a girl might say she would have an abortion if she got pregnant, but might then change her mind if it actually happened. I don't think that boys are forced to think about this issue enough.

Say yes, then buy condoms, lube etc etc and genuinely talk about the situation. Talk with the gf's parents and ask if they are happy for them to stay in the same room or separate bedrooms. When my sons first girlfriend stayed over she slept in the guest room and that was a much easier introduction to the whole scenario.

Why the fuck would you buy your teenagers lube??? That's really weird.

cloudchasing Lol! I was wondering too.

Lube? 😩

Lube? 🤢
You’re kidding, right?
My God.

Only on mumsnet 😄

What the actual fuck? Since when did ‘lube’ become a part of the young sex lexicon. Fair enough for certain things but as part and parcel of discovering sex? Do me a favour.

Sorry? I didn’t realise educating our kids on sex was a bad thing... it wasn’t meant to be encouraging them to have sex but at the end of the day we all know that if they want to do it they will will find a way and with abundance of ridiculous porn on the internet you have to teach them what it’s like in the real world. And funnily enough yes, most people would recommend lube for someone having sex for the first time.

I let my Dd have her bf stay over, she's 16, he's 17, they've been together for a year but I will admit I find buying them lube a bit too far.
I doubt she'd ask though, they have contraception sorted between them and I really don't need details of their sex life.

Sorry Roundabout I think that's bollocks. There's no need to get involved to that level, it's overstepping and creepy.

I've been asked to get lube with the weekly shop before now. Never bothered me.

I would speak to her parents and make sure they are ok with it. At the end of the day though it's your house so you can decide whatever you want.

I would be ok with it, but I would not be buying lube thank you very much (how do you know if they need it?), and I would not be speaking to any parents.

Applauding the poster who mentioned lube. Basic sex education. It’s not optional for many women who need it for painless sex (particularly with inexperienced partners). EDUCATE YOUR BOYS

EDUCATE YOUR BOYS

Blimey.

I'm just thinking back to when I was 17 with my first serious boyfriend and there was literally zero parent involvement- Christ, how embarrassing would that have been? Yeah you ask if they can have someone sleep over but beyond that it's really none of the parents' business surely?!

Lube with the weekly shop 😱

What’d you mean get involved? I’m not putting it on for them am I! I’m just educating my kids on what real sex might involve instead of leaving them to discover fake stuff on the internet.

I am very relieved to hear you are not putting it on for them.

If a teen is old enough to be have be having sex, they are plenty old enough to buy their own lube and work out if they would like to incorporate it!

I can't imagine DS producing lube and saying 'my Mum gave me this and told me you will need it' to his GF.