Girlfriend staying the night?

[JellySlice]

17yo ds has asked if his gf can stay the night. They've been a couple for about 4 months. My instinct is to say yes (but keep the noise down). Dh is struggling with it. He admits that it's a further growing-up step that he wasn't ready for.

He asks, what about the gf, is it up to us to decide for her? What about how her parents might feel about this? We don't know her parents, have just met briefly, on the odd occasions when they picked her up from us. She's the same age as ds.

Glad a wasn't the only one to at buying them lube....why not just get together a basket for them and leave it in his bed...confine, lube, cock ring, butt plug, nipple clamps...

I can't imagine anything more genital shrivelling than my mother presenting me with lube.

Boundaries are your friend.

Exactly squoosh!

God I'm 47 and if my mum even mentioned the word lube to me I'd have wanted to crawl up my own arse.

There's nothing wrong with frank sexual discussion with your kids, obviously. But above and beyond the biology and emotions... No. Need.

I think I'd want to know if my teenage daughter was staying the night at her bf's house rather than where she said she'd be. But i guess if you raise it with the parents and they kick up a fuss, the kids may just do it elsewhere.
Most important is talking about pregnancy consequences like paying maintenance!

I can't even go there with the whole lube thing, but to take it back to the original question, no, I would not allow my 17 year old to have their boyfriend/girlfriend sleep over.

I might let them holiday together, if they were in a serious relationship, but I don't think that it's a great idea to facilitate this level of personal involvement at an age when they should be focussing on exams. It's just too much, too soon.

Spermicidal lube anyone?

Lube with the weekly shop Why not? No different to condoms etc.

My god, the indignation here that someone bought their kid lube, when we talk about god knows what else all the time!!

Hardly a kid at 21 TBF.

I had this situation with ds2 when he was 17. I did NOT contact his gf's parents, I felt that was unnecessary. I'd never met them so why would I suddenly ring up and ask if they knew our dc were sleeping together?

I reminded him about safe sex, unwanted pregnancy and made sure he had condoms. There is no way I would have bought lube. I feel that is completely inappropriate.

FGS, we all know that lube isn't a taboo purchase; the point here is that it's disturbingly prurient and over-involved for a PARENT to have that level of inclusion in their child's sex life. Where is their agency? Where is their independence?

Jeez, it reminds me of that scene in Extras where Maggie (mid-thirties) goes home with some bloke, and has to try to creep past his parents and their contraceptive advice.

How would you know which one to choose at Tesco? Young people can be very fussy...

www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/shop/health-and-beauty/healthy-lifestyle/condoms-lubricants-and-gels/lubricants-gels-and-devices

Lube has a specific purpose.
As we all know what that is, how on earth can a Mum of a teenage son ‘go there’
It doesn’t automatically go with condoms - nor the weekly shop!

Maybe these Mums encourage their sons to make their Christmas lists from Love Honey?
So ‘ down with the teens’ they are!
I couldn’t be closer to my eldest (20) but lf l discussed lube with him - it would be a serious boundary issue.
Revolting for him and inappropriate behaviour as a Mother.

I will raise the lube subject with my 16 and 18 year old DSs over lunch today. I am going to EDUCATE MY BOYS.

Me and DH have bought lube for our DD. And no not for anal. She’s open about her relationship and protection. They use condoms (I buy them as BF was buying them in pound shop ) and she’s on the pill. She appreciates we are being liberal about it. Having said that, her BF has not stayed the night. They’ve talked about it and we don’t mind but it hasn’t happened yet.

She got a reaction to the pound shop condoms and everything was quite sore and dry hence the lube.

And yes all checked by GP and she has swabs done.

So there was an issue and you helped her out prettymess. Sounds reasonable to me.

Can you not get condoms from family planning clinics any more?

No not for me as I wouldn't want strangers in my home but he could go there if the parents were ok with it

I was allowed to stay at my boyfriend's from the age of 16. The agreement was separate bedrooms. We waited until about 2am and I would sneak in to his room for a couple of hours so keep an eye out for this!!

My mum discussed sex with me. She's very open minded and I was never embarrassed. I remember her talking to me about lubricant and how sex can be painful if you are tense or not ready. She didn't buy it for me, however. I think I must be one of those rare people who wouldn't be bothered if my mum had have bought me lube!

Sparkling
Let us know how you get on please.

I will raise the lube subject with my 16 and 18 year old DSs over lunch today. I am going to EDUCATE MY BOYS.

Good for you Sparkling
I'm sure it will be a lovely family lunch. Keep me posted as I'm planning to do the same with my ds (now aged 21 and 19). I'm sure they'll love the fact that I'm educating them

I can't decide how to bring the conversation round to lube. During main course or dessert?

Prettymess- not only do YOU know more than is strictly necessary about your daughter's nethers, but now thousands of strangers do. I feel a bit weird about that.

I would rather she tells me about medical and personal issues and gets me to help with it than the messed up way me and my mum dealt with this stuff.

OP, with the sleeping over, does DS have a single bed or a double?

I let this happen at just turned 18. The deal was she "stayed in the spare room". I told DS I wasn't going to patrol the landing, but I wanted everyone where they should be in the morning as I want to feel comfortable in my own home. I imagine he went in there, as there is a kingsize bed and he only has a single in his room (the one he moved into as a Big Bed when he was two years old).