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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Do you give your 15 year old alcohol for parties?

109 replies

familygermsareok · 28/10/2017 17:12

DS asking to take 4 or 6 bottles beer or cider to his friend's party tonight. Party is typical last minute get together round their house. I am aware he has had alcohol at similar parties before which friends have brought and we have allowed him to have a beer once with us when on hols. He has never come home obviously drunk and is usually well behaved and sensible.
I realise teens do drink (did myself!) but my main concerns are that if I am actually supplying him with it then I am condoning it when other parents may not agree, and I have no control over where he drinks it, could be in a park rather than someone's house. And it is adding to overall alcohol available, even if shared around, the more that bring the more there is. Also it is illegal to supply under 18s!
However, if I don't give him any he may always be the one scrounging off someone else. He says most, though not all, of his friends bring some and they share.
I don't know many of his current friends' parents to ask. I do know one mum who always gives some to her son so some certainly some do.
Have had the talk about not needing alcohol to enjoy yourself. I think occasional supervised alcohol is ok at this age but am uncomfortable about supplying as above.
Would appreciate other's thoughts on this please.

OP posts:

Ttbb · 28/10/2017 17:50

Well no, I don't make a habit of breaking the law. Why don't you just give him £20 to order a couple of pizzas if you are worried about him looking like a scrounger.

Mrsknackered · 28/10/2017 17:53

I think that is very normal and okay OP.

The kids who's parents didn't know they drank, were always the kids shitfaced at a park, had to sleep at someone's house they didn't know very well and then in the morning, hide their sick covered clothes.

I wasn't a teenager that long ago!

64BooLane · 28/10/2017 17:54

Is it breaking the law, though, to give your own dc some alcohol?

My dc are primary age and I didn't spend my teen years in the UK (and wasn't a drinker anyway) so I'm not very clear on this.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 28/10/2017 17:54

It has been my experience that the friends who were never allowed to do stuff like this are the furthest from the rails now. I know that's anecdotal, but so is a lot of this thread.

AtiaoftheJulii · 28/10/2017 17:57

15 and in y10, no. 16 and towards the end of y11, yes. I'd rather they felt happy to drink their e.g. small cans of cider than to join in with those drinking the cheap vodka, or the water bottle filled with a mixture of drams stolen from whatever spirits their parents have.

lazydog · 28/10/2017 17:59

No way at 15.

I have, however, purchased alcohol (beer) for my 17 year old (18 next month) to take back to university with him, at his request. The legal drinking age is 19 over here. It was a case of 18 beers, when he came home for a visit 3 weeks ago, and yesterday he mentioned that he still had 11 left. Obviously doesn't take after me!

engineersthumb · 28/10/2017 18:00

So long as you trust the 15yo and the friends there is no harm in 4 beers. OK I couldn't drink 4 but I'd try! I think we have a really bad attitude to alcohol in the uk and many social problems because of it.

VioletCharlotte · 28/10/2017 18:02

I've got an 18 and 16 year old. It seems to be pretty normal round here for parents to supply a few cans of beer or cider for parties from year 11 upwards.

I'd rather they had a couple of ciders bought by me than buying vodka from someone else.

flowersWB · 28/10/2017 18:20

I would give 4. Presumably if he's year 10 then he's only just turned 15. (leave the 6 pack for nearer 16)
Ignore all the shocked and horrified posts. If he takes his own beer, that's what he'll drink, if he takes nothing then he will still drink, but it'll be whatever dodgy crap someone else has going spare. It's very normal to be experimenting with alcohol at this age - hence the grey area in law.

helhathnofury · 28/10/2017 18:20

My sons 15th birthday only had a mate over for food and sleepover but we provided 2 of the smaller bottles of koppaberg each. They were up till about 3 and made them last. Thankfully son sticks to his room with computer/Xbox etc and never goes to parties. I on the other hand as a teen was one of the ones in the park, necking anything we could get our hands on!

Isadora2007 · 28/10/2017 18:25

Yes. At that age, possibly from 14.5 I began to allow alcohol on the proviso we agreed what he was allowed. To begin with it was 2/3 lager bottles (1.5 units each). No spirits. Once I trusted he respected that, his allowance was increased to 3/4 bottles. By 16 he was allowed pretty much to choose what he drank.
He is 20 now and yes he still drinks. But the one and only time he was ever completely plastered was once he was 18 and was a once off. Generally he handles his drink well, doesn’t binge and is pretty good at managing his amounts responsibly.

I don’t roll his joints for him though, may share one now and again though! 💨

MongerTruffle · 28/10/2017 18:31

Well no, I don't make a habit of breaking the law.

In the UK, children can be given alcohol by their parents from the age of 5, as long as it is to be consumed on private (ie not licensed) premises. At the age of 16, they can have beer, wine or cider with a meal at a licensed restaurant if it is bought by an adult. At 18, you can buy alcohol.

ggirl · 28/10/2017 18:31

my 15yr old yr 10 son never goes out at night ..so different to my daughter who is 10 yrs older ..when she was 15 she was never in ...
Mine socialises on his xbox and surfaces downstairs for snacks and drinks...I expect things will change next year maybe.

RubyWinterstorm · 28/10/2017 19:20

the argument that if you don't buy them alcohol, they end up shitfaced at the car park going home with strangers (WTF?!) are the only 2 options is silly.

Also, would all of you who buy them beer and alcohol buy them cigarettes too? If not, why not? Alcohol is harmful , esp for teens. As are cigarettes.

Uptheduffy · 28/10/2017 19:29

Four cans of beer is a hell of a lot for a child. He may not drink them, they may be given to a kid whose parents go apeshit when he’s had a drop. They may be given to a girl he fancies with the hope she will get drunk. I’m not sure what the legalities are about supplying drink that other minors might have, sitting on holiday with your dc having one beer is obviously entirely different. (Still not necessary though).

PrincessoftheSea · 28/10/2017 19:33

No way but I know many do.

Evergreen777 · 28/10/2017 20:17

I can't see why anyone thinks giving them alcohol will mean they then then don't drink other alcohol . They'll just drink more in total.

One or two cans, maybe. But probably not at 15. That's so young. At 16/17 maybe. Bit 4 . I'd be horribly drink on 4 cans, and i probably weigh about the same as an average 15 year old boy with considerably more experience of alcohol.

I'm aware than teenagers get hold of alcohol at parties and need to get used to handling it. But seems crazy to give them a quantity that's more than they can safely drink.

GeorgeTheHamster · 28/10/2017 20:27

Mine take 2 from age 16. Why on earth does he need 4 or 6?????

pallisers · 28/10/2017 20:29

Another moment when MN diverges so acutely from my own experience of life that it is dizzying.

Who buys their 15 year old alcohol?? I don't know anyone who would do this.

I also don't know anyone thick enough to believe a 15 year old who consumes 4 drinks will then stop and not have any more because ... well not sure what the reasoning on that is.

Nor do I know someone who thinks their child being regarded as a scrounger is worse than their child's developing brain getting slammed with 4 or more drinks.

I would not let my 15 year old go to that party. But I completely understand that in a large part of MN world that is shocking and that my child will move out asap and will be screwed by my lack of understanding.

And as for this:

My 15 year old wouldn't be out overnight unless I knew where he/she was. I would pick them up from any party so sleeping in randomers houses won't arise (and where are the randomer's parents in this - they wake up and there is a hungover 15 year old in their house. What do they do? Nothing? not in my world)

There are other ways to parent that don't involve shrugging the shoulders and saying "ah sure they'll drink it anyway and the ones who don't learn to drink early are worse when they are let out" (not true by the way but a lovely constant meme on these threads).

pallisers · 28/10/2017 20:31

Oh and OP I hope you are having some pretty serious conversations with your 15 year old about consent and alcohol around sex.

isittimetogotobed · 28/10/2017 20:54

I think if they are heading towards 16 and in year 11 a few beers is ok at a friends home

Original poster

familygermsareok · 28/10/2017 21:06

Thank you everyone. It has been very useful to hear other's views and experiences.
It is a good point that giving them some beer doesn't necessarily stop them going on to drink vodka or whatever after and may even make it more likely by suppressing inhibitions. Although that is balanced out by the thought that without their own limited supply they may be more likely to neck from the communal cheap spirit bottle anyway.
I well remember clubbing together to buy cheap booze, and mixing small amounts from all my parents spirits/liqueur bottles at that age!

My gut feeling is that 15 is too young for potentially unsupervised drinking and I don't want to condone by supplying. Some parents will, some won't, there are valid reasons underlying both stances. As a PP said I have discussed with him my concerns about drinking and prefer him not to, if he chooses to anyway that is his responsibility.
If we ever had a party here I would prefer his friends not to bring alcohol and I would not supply any, so I also don't want to put another parent in a difficult position.
I may at some stage allow him to take a couple of bottles for him. I agree that more is too much, he wanted to be able to share but I don't want him to give to other kids as their parents may not agree.

For those asking, he is in S4 (Scotland), not sure how that equates to Y10/11. It is N5 exam year ( equivalent to O levels I think) and he is in Senior School but not Sixth Form. Not 16 until next summer.

Sorry to hear about your friend's child Laceup. That is truly awful.

OP posts:

VivaLeBeaver · 28/10/2017 21:10

Dd is in sixteen, nearly 17 and has just this weekend gone to her first party with alcohol. I've bought her one bottle of fruit cider. No way would I be buying her 4 bottles! Don't think I would have done this at 15 though.

JustHope · 28/10/2017 21:27

@Laceup
This is my concern, not only the risk of getting drunk, being ill and doing something stupid but the idea that others will readily film the whole thing. As teens we were able to make mistakes without the threat that these would be recorded and posted online to haunt you forever.

Blueemeraldagain · 28/10/2017 21:43

They may be given to a girl he fancies with the hope she will get drunk.

If you think your/someone you know's son might do this you have much, much bigger problems than drinking too much at a party.

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