I want to give some quick background. DD15 has said that she was trans for the last month or two. I have wrote another thread in that section about this issue. The big thing with her being trans is that the idea usually stems around a boy named Jack. She seems to use being trans as a way to be different because other than being asked why she is trans she says she feels like a boy. She never refers to herself as a boy only as trans. From what I have experienced females who are trans do not refer to themselves that way. They say they are a boy or male; not trans. (Saying she is trans and Jack come into play about her hair in a bit)
We are in the USA.
Okay, DP and I went for a night out tonight. We left DD home alone as she has done this before. We are on our way home when I get a phone call from DD. She is crying and calls me mommy. She only calls me that when something is wrong, she has done something, or she is hurt.
Me: Whats wrong?
DD: Your going to hate me:
Me: What did you do?
DD: I cut off my hair.
Me: WHAT?
DD: Crying.
Me: Why?
DD: Many reasons (crying still)
Me: Start talking.
DD: It's a trans thing. (Notice doesn't say she is a boy)
Me: What else?
DD: I want it short. (Okay I understand that)
Me: What is the real reason? ( I ask this because when answering the other two she seemed like she was holding back)
DD: I don't want to be normal I want to be different. (Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner.)
Me: Your hair was beautiful how it was.
DD: I knew you would say that. (crying louder)
Me: Why didn't you wait? I would've taken you to Teresa's(how hairdresser).
DD: Because if I waited I wouldn't have done it.
Me: Do you regret it?
DD: No I love it(She is crying really loud into the phone)
Me: Why are you crying?
DD: Because I did it.
When we get home she is told that there are consequences to what she has done. I do emphasize that she is in trouble because of cutting it behind our backs when we were out NOT because she wanted it short.
So I take her phone and her truck(She can drive to school in the USA). I make her unlock and take all passcodes off her phone. I begin going thru her messages.
Low and behold, I find what I thought I would find. Here is how the message went.
DD: I want to cut my hair
Jack:(friend from other thread) coughcutyourhairthen
DD: coughiwillwhenseventeenoreighteen
Jack: coughdoitthisyear
DD: coughwhen
Jack: coughdoittonight
There are a could pics of her long hair. Then.
DD: Video chat me. I will only do it that way so I don't chicken out.
Video chat call then a pic of her short hair.
This is not the first time Jack has told her to do things. Last year he tried to control her with late night calls and suicide threats if she didn't answer.
I don't know what to do. Right now she is not allowed any contact with Jack has I have her phone.
She has been told that when she gets it back she is not to lock her phone and I will be reading messages. If I see messages from or to Jack that I don't like there will be no more contact with him. (I have threatened to make her go to a flip phone, she hates them m ore that anything) If she deletes messages, pics, vids or anything then she looses her phone all together.
What else can I do to get thru to her? MAke her see that Jack isn't great. That she is great just how she is.
She thinks that her home cut looks great and it doesn't need fixed at all.