DD1 refusing to come in the house

[WhenTheDragonsCame]

I heard DD1 leave the house at around 12.30 so went down to see what was going on and she was stood outside with a boy talking. An hour later and she is refusing to come back in. Every time I try and speak to her they just laugh at me.

She doesn't have her phone and I have now taken the iPod she uses and my laptop but she doesn't care. She just keeps saying she will be in in a minute.

I can't sleep and I'm just lying in bed crying. I had to call the police yesterday because I was told she was in the house of a 20 year old who has sent her nude pictures and tried to get her into bed with him.

I'm really struggling to cope at the moment. Nothing I do or say has any effect. She just doesn't care. I don't really want her living here any more. She doesn't really bring anything positive to the house. She isn't particularly nice to anybody and just makes me feel stressed. I don't want to live if this is how it has to be.

How old is she?

How old is she ?

She is 15

What did the police say ? I feel
For you as I went through similar with my DD.

They spoke to her on the phone and told her she needed to come home. She had told me that she was staying out but after they spoke to her she said she was going to come home anyway.

She has put her key in the outside of the door so I can't get out and have to talk to her through the front room window. Every time I ask her to come in she just laughs at me and says she will be in in a minute.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers! She's locked you inside your own home? Take back control. She's 15.

Can you go out the back door? Get out there and get that key back. Her behaviour should determine whether or not she gets back in the house. It's all fun and games when consequences don't mean a thing. Find one that works.

I have got my key but she has put hers in the other side. I can't go through the back as there is no access.

The only thing that works is removing the internet but she doesn't seem bothered about that at the moment.

I don't want her here. I want to phone social services and get her taken into care because I just can't cope with it.

We barely have a relationship unless she is wanting something from me. I can't see a future where I don't feel like this. I have another 2 DDs and I worry so much that they will be the same.

Go outside and join them, bring tea veggies and dip. Get right into the conversation. Find out her friends name, his parents name and dig for a mutual aquantence. Just be present....he will leave ;)
House coat and bunny slippers help

Climb out the window. Really that door key issue needs to change, fire wise/ emergency it doesn't sound right

The OP can't get outside.
She is effectively locked in the house.
Actually that is awful behaviour.
I am claustrophobic and have a real terror of being locked in.
I am so sorry you are having all this stress and worry Op.

Ive tried going down but they just stand there smirking and not talking.

I think I'm going to try and sleep then phone social services and tell them I can't cope and I'm not able to keep her safe.

She stayed at a friends house for 3 nights this week and the relief of not having to worry about her was lovely. She doesn't care what effect her behaviour has on other people. I honestly would rather die than carry on like this.

We could get out in an emergency by either climbing through the living room window or by going out into the back garden.

The garden is completely in closed. To get around to the front I would need to go through a neighbours garden and they have dogs so not really possible now.

Can you ring the Police non emergency number and tell them she's trapped you indoors?That or tell her your ringing the Police that might make her shift her arse.

I hope you start getting some real support and that SS listen to you,we've gone through the same with our 14 year old Daughter.

When she is finally home, I would do nothing for her, no,washing or cooking, no lifts, no money. PP are right you need to take back control. Don't let her spoil things for your other DDs. Sorry she's being so bloody awful to you OP 💐 I would lock her out and go to bed. See how funny she thinks she is then.

The police don't do anything here if you know where the child is. She was put until 1.30 early this year but because I knew where she was they said there was nothing they could do.

I have told her if she leaves I will call the police but she seems quite happy just stood on the doorstep. She has been out there nearly 3 hours.

We are supposed to be going to visit my parents on Monday but I think I might go today. The younger two will miss swimming lessons and we haven't packed yet but I don't want her here. At least down there she doesn't have anywhere to go.

i'd be out that window and totally taking over the conversation. i'd take the key out the door and other door arrangements would be happening straight away.
I've had 3 and believe me I have crashed many a party and closed things down.

She doesn't have to know that about the Police,you just need to threaten it.

Please climb out of the window, go outside and tell this prick to get lost. And get her to come back in the house. Right now you're telling her she's in charge. She's too young to be in charge. Her brain isn't developed properly yet.

I have another 2 DDs and I worry so much that they will be the same.
I was an absolute shit of a teenager. My 7 siblings weren't. They can see how she's behaving and may well be as ashamed of her behaviour as my siblings were of mine. I'm not saying my siblings are angels by any means but none of them have come even close to how horrible I was.

When she eventually comes in take her key off her, she clearly can't be trusted with it. If you can, lock the door from the inside in the evenings so she has to ask you to get outside in future. Sleep on it before talking to SS though, you clearly need some support and should phone them and ask for help but it's obvious from your posts that you still love her despite her behaviour, even when she is winding you up, SS getting involved might be enough of a shock for her to fix this without her going into care, so take some time to think through what you want to say to SS/what you want to ask them to do.

Social services have been involved but they haven't done anything. They said they were going to get her a mentor but I haven't heard from them for a while.

The other 2 DDs see me upset by DD1s behaviour and say they won't be like this but I would never have thought DD1 would either 6 years ago.

I have threatened her with the police in the past but when she is in this sort of mood she really doesn't care.

No i never cared much about the police either. Asking my friends if they thought my behaviour was acceptable worked sometimes. Mum found me sitting in the park at 2am with a boy once, i refused to come home so mum sat on the floor opposite us and asked him what his intentions were and what his parents do for a living etc, properly interviewing him as if planning us getting married, boy refused to answer her, we tried pretending we couldn't see/hear her, so she went on to a lecture about safe sex, I made my excuses and went home pretty sharpish. If I was somewhere and refusing to come home mum used to call round my friends and ask them if they'd seen me, even if she knew exactly where I was, because she knew it embarrassed me.

I think mum had to badger SS quite a bit to get anyone to talk to me, she spoke to the school a lot as well.

She has come in. I got her to take her key out then locked her out, turned the lights off then went to bed. Two minutes later they knocked at the door.

She apologised but she always does so it doesn't really mean anything. I've been told I need to acknowledge that she has said sorry or it will make her feel like I don't care or something. It's hard when she keeps doing this and then thinks sorry will make it all better.

She will be at my parents for a couple of weeks so I'm going to stop her internet access. I can't stop her being friends with these people (even though he just said he isn't the sort of person to mess with!) but I want her to have a break from them.

I just want to have some time where I'm not worrying and feeling stressed. I joke that I had the DC too late and would have loved to have parented when they gave out Valium like they were smarties.

Greebols they ever doing the pretend I wasn't there thing as well.

Before he left he told DD1 to behave for me. He said he is in supported living and wishes he was still at home with his mum. He told me to add him to Facebook and to message him if DD1 is playing up and he will come around and sort her out.

but did you feel threatened by the "i'm not the sort of person to mess with" comment?

1. She doesn't get to have a key. Take it away, and tell her it is because she clearly can't be trusted with it.

1. No money, no internet, no lifts, no phone, no buying her clothes, shoes or make up. These are all things she has to earn through good behaviour.

1. Don't repeatedly try to reason with her - actions and consequences. She won't come in? Fine. Tell her you are counting to 5 then putting the chain on the door. Don't try and reason with her for 3 hours first!