DD1 refusing to come in the house

[WhenTheDragonsCame]

I heard DD1 leave the house at around 12.30 so went down to see what was going on and she was stood outside with a boy talking. An hour later and she is refusing to come back in. Every time I try and speak to her they just laugh at me.

She doesn't have her phone and I have now taken the iPod she uses and my laptop but she doesn't care. She just keeps saying she will be in in a minute.

I can't sleep and I'm just lying in bed crying. I had to call the police yesterday because I was told she was in the house of a 20 year old who has sent her nude pictures and tried to get her into bed with him.

I'm really struggling to cope at the moment. Nothing I do or say has any effect. She just doesn't care. I don't really want her living here any more. She doesn't really bring anything positive to the house. She isn't particularly nice to anybody and just makes me feel stressed. I don't want to live if this is how it has to be.

Poor you op what a nightmare. Is her behaviour the same at school ? My DD can be a complete nightmare during the summer holidays especially but things are slightly better term time. I think this is because she has no interests, hobbies or job, despite me trying so does nothing but lie around then go awol in the evenings. At least when she has school she is busy during the days and tired in the evenings. DD like yours knows I can't report her missing if I know her whereabouts so she lets me know where she Is just refuses to return till she's ready. She will often call at 2-4 saying she's stuck can I get her 😩.

Out2pasture it sounded like it was said as a threat but I didn't feel scared. Possibly because I was still in the house and I was pretty angry at that point. When I opened the door he apologised for saying it.

There will definitely be no internet. She wants me to buy her some clothes and I've said that's not happening now. She has lost her key so has taken the spare, I will get them both back ASAP.

Katiekatie37 DD1 doesn't engage in school. I have to drop her there in the morning or she will just turn up whenever she feels like it, if at all.

Her behaviour isn't great any of the time but gets worse around her period. She is more likely to have an attitude when I try and speak to her and she just doesn't seem to care so will do what she wants. It is possible that there is no correlation between the two and I'm just looking for excuses. I don't know. 😔

Neither does my DD she goes to school for children with behavioural difficulties which was a breath of fresh air compared to mainstream. Do school sanction? Yes DD is worse with pmt. She has got marginally better since she turned 16 we sometimes have a drama free few days which never happened last year, this week isn't one of them.

Have her arrested for false imprisonment.

I trust a few hours in a jail cell and an appearance in court will shake her up.

Op sorry that you are having to deal with this, it sounds awful.

I know it is easier said than done, but don't give up on getting her away from this 20 year old man, he is not an appropriate companion for a 15 year old girl. At 15 she is not yet an adult. You do have a say in who she sees. Personally, I'd be getting her away as fast as possible (if necessary, placing her with relatives or friends a long distance away )and taking her phone too.

You sound completely at the end of your tether and I don't blame you but (again easier said than done) I would advise stepping back AND stepping up technique. Stepping back in the sense of trying not to let her get to you down so much -dont give her the power (give yourself treats, remember her brain is going through huge changes which result in her being pretty selfish, try not to take her behaviour personally, get as much support around you as possible). Your posts sound desperate and I don't blame you; have you been to the doctor? Maybe counselling for you or ads might help.

AND stepping up in the sense of, tempting though it is to let her be with friends and do her own thing, now is when she really needs you on her case, relentlessly and consistently setting boundaries. Tell her you love her too much to let her life go down the wrong path. She won't like it now but she will appreciate it inthe future. And whilst sticking to boundaries, don't lose that last bit of closeness with her. Even though it is the last thing you feel like, try and do a few
positive things with her to keep the communication going. Keep giving her responsibility and the opportunity to build trust, with consequences when she doesn't stick to her word. When she lets you down, that is her choice, stick with the consequences consistently.

I know it is so totally draining and exasperating when teens rebel, but now is the time you have to have to dig in there, when it's the last thing you feel like doing. Bloody tough but you are the adult and a great mum and you CAN do it.

Thank you everyone for your advice.

I am at the cinema now (film hasn't started yet) so will have a good read later.

I will phone SS on Monday and tell them what is going on and ask if there is anything they can do.

She isn't like this every day luckily but when she is nothing seems to work as she doesn't care enough about anything. I think if she had a job or a hobby it would really help but I can't really force her to do either.