how the fuck do i handle?

[candlerings]

13 DD Asked for kickers shoes for school. They are very nice but her school has a rule against them. She says they don't enforce the rule but i'm fucking stuck on what to do, all of her friends have them so i'm really unsure.....

If the school has a rule then I wouldn't get them. School may have let standards slip over the course of the year. (Rubbish but it happens!) First day back they will pull up all the kids in the wrong uniform.
I would ask school to be consistent. Either remove the ban on these shoes or enforce it.

I wouldn't buy them. What happens if the school decide to enforce this? Do you really want to have to go a buy another pair of shoes?

If she wants them, she buys them with her own money. Sorted.

You could initially buy her a cheap pair of shoes from e.g. Tesco to last half a term and tell her you will contact her school at the beginning of term for clarity ie will the "ban" be lifted or enforced. If they say they are still banned, check what happens re her friend's shoes and follow it up with the school from there. Would that help?

She buys them with own money. If they get worn daily & worn/grown out without being rejected by school, you repay the money.