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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DD - Teen 16 - No friends

137 replies

Monica53 · 13/04/2017 02:26

Hi
Well it's 2.15am and I cannot sleep after our poor DD 16 has been breaking her heart!! most of the night, saying she is sick of being on her own and would like just that one friend and be able to go out and look forward to stuff and do normal teen stuff. I'm typing this with such an ache in my chest as I'm at a total loss as to what to do.

She was bullied in the first few years of high school by old friends! ***! and made new friends who all seemed OK?, however she has suffered from anxiety and depression since the bullying and consequently suffers from very low confidence and low self esteem, so now when in school with one thing and another she spends a lot of time in the year leaders office or welfare office, and her friends in school she does have (not real friends she says)ignore her when she does sit with them and some of them have stated she has drifted. We have had a chat about this and saying yes if you're feeling like she is sometimes you can be quiet and due to nature of teens they may take that sometimes in away like you've distanced yourself. However she has just heard today that two of her so called friends have said stuff to someone she knows that they shouldn't go around with her in case they catch 'depression' OMG!!!!!! can't people be so down right mean and nasty and totally vile!.

I've suggested we do things together but she has said she so much wants to do normal teenage stuff, and her so called friends are all out and about and never invite her and she has asked on a number of occasions when they have group chats and they ignore her requests, it is so heart breaking and I seriously don't know what I can do anymore.

Also she said as she has no friends to go up to school with the get results in August, her Cousin will take the day of work and go with her

Also she did have a dress picked out for Prom but tonight she has said it's pointless going as she will be going on her own so there is no point!

DD is due to do NCS in summer for four weeks and we have said she'll meet some lovely people and make new friendships though she really doesn't believe that anymore, and at the moment just wants someone to talk with and her words do normal teenage stuff - Oh I could cry I feel so damn useless as I do not know what to do for her other than cuddle her when she is breaking her heart- which now I'm doing as I'm typing

Also she says she is dreading the summer as it is extra long and she will have no one to do anything with, even if we have said she will meet new people on NCS. Also we have said perhaps get a little job, which there might be the opportunity of one locally 12 hrs a week though she says at moment she doesn't think she could do it, I have said perhaps she could try and also it would be opporutnity to meet some new people?

Also she has a place at 6th form college and at moment she cannot see light at end and thinks the same thing will happen there with regards to not having any friends or friends will just be horrible like they have in the past.

DD is having counselling for everything she has been through etc,though not sure it is any good. She has said some scary things over the last few days, and we are keeping a close eye on her and to be honest I feel useless and annoyed particularly because of the bullying and now the so called friends being down right vile and horrible beyond words.

I'm hoping to speak to school tomorrow if possible not sure.

Sorry to go on - I am at such a loss and really don't feel I can burden by small family much and have a lead weight in my chest with worry and everything that goes with it..

Very much doubt I''ll sleep tonight - thankyou for reading and any advice will so so much appreciated.x

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inchigh · 12/06/2017 14:38

Hi Monica, hope things are better for you.
Have been through the exact same thing with mine, changed schools middle of yr10 at 1st we thought great its all ok , by october she was refusing to go in at all the bullying started again from friends of the previous school, I went to school, education officer no help whatsoever. My gp was brilliant he said get her into re-intergration that helped she still walked off site. There have been days where I wanted to chuck it all in, ive dealt with so much and its hard I enrolled her in NCS which is in July. Stick at it, just be there for her much, its so so hard Ive had all the bitter remarks the false starts the friends who arent and i think ive aged 65years since she was 15. It will get better, she self harmed we talked about it and basically ive said to her theres nothing you can do or say that will shock me or turn me away i'll always be there for you. We're now looking at the last few days of school hoping that she gets at least 4 D's so she can go to college in September and before anyone says anythin I'll take 4 D's and a 'happy' kid any day of the week after what we've been through with that school . She doesnt want to go to her prom just wants it all finished with. Give her a hug and tell her shes not the only one, thats what mine thought

Monica53 · 12/06/2017 22:03

Hu inch high
I hope your Dd is coping?our DD is nearly finished school,three days left. It has been a horrendous time for her and to see her suffering has been beyond belief,on occasion I could have just sat and broke my heart. School have up till the last 6/8 months been useless and bullies never dealt with,which makes my blood boil! and they're so brave when in a group, nothing g more to say on that one! . Yep our Dd starts her ncs in July and fingers crossed it will be good for her and yours. Our DD really doesn't think she's done great in exams,though as long as we can see her smile and laugh again!there has been fat far too many tears and the horrors who've caused it don't give a damn and are evil nasty characters!. Dd is currently planning for her little party and I'm going to get a few light for garden fid them for a start. Thank you and good luck to your Ddxxxx

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Monica53 · 16/06/2017 00:08

Hi all
Well it's here DD last day at high school-thank goodness,however she does have mixed emotions rightly so,however we've said her future starts now! I still hate the little so and so's who've made her school life a living hell though she's leaving that behind her. She has a few things to do in holidays one of which is finding a job,which will help her confidence and she has said that she wants to find a little job as one of her friends has one and is getting just under £200 a month. Thank you for reading and replies and support xxoo

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FrancisCrawford · 16/06/2017 05:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wetpebbles · 16/06/2017 08:36

Good luck to your dd! What a horrible time she has had. My ds couldn't wait to leave school and has flourished at college, and my dd only has 3 years left. From my experience this is the most difficult time for them with peer pressure, exams, social media and going through puberty. I very much expect she is over the worst and time to move onwards and upwards!

NoLoveofMine · 16/06/2017 10:09

Best wishes to your daughter. She's got through this and as you say is leaving all that behind. The future holds so many opportunities and is going to be much fun for her - a job, spending time with her friends, exploring what she wants to do in future. Your support will also have been invaluable to her - many happy times await for you both!

Trying2bgd · 16/06/2017 10:41

Tell her we are rooting for her x

Monica53 · 17/06/2017 15:21

Hi there
Thank you so very much. We as a family went out last night for a family meal with DD and close family friend,was lovely and she said she enjoyed it. Yes she is pleased as we are that she has left all that behind her! and only good things ahead. A week away for her down south and then two weeks and away with NCS which I hope she gains a little confidence back as she said mum I feel so much anxiety🙁and she blames herself for all the nastiness,love her soo soo much. Xxxoo

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NoLoveofMine · 18/06/2017 01:32

I hope to post something more soon but just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and your daughter. None of that is her fault and she has so much to look forward to x

NoLoveofMine · 18/06/2017 09:23

The family meal sounds lovely! Doing things like that will be great for her and it's understandable she feels anxiety after everything, but she's getting through it and has so much to look forward to now. Her weeks away will do her a lot of good, I'm sure it'll boost her confidence and she'll really enjoy it. I hope she'll soon know none of the bullying was her fault, especially with your loving support.

Monica53 · 27/06/2017 23:01

Hello everyone
Thank you for all advice and replies certainly helped. DD is currently away with relatives till end if week,however prom us also attend of week znd no doubt even though she didn't want to go and made the decision herself she will feel strange though I'm at work on the day thinking of something to do on the night rather than her looking through FB and other social media stuff. Any ideas etc would again be helpful. Thank you xxSmile

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DD0314 · 28/06/2017 00:00

I could have written this. Going through the exact same thing with my 14 year old. Currently wondering how she's going to get through the next two years. Wondering what I can do to stop seeing my baby get screwed over left right and centre and always ending up alone. Don't have any advice but you're not alone, this is the absolute worst and I hope our girls get through it safely 🙏

NoLoveofMine · 28/06/2017 09:58

I hope your daughter will be able to enjoy her summer DD0314. Sorry she's been having such a bad time; I wish I could offer good advice but with your support I hope things will improve and she'll get through all this.

Monica53 · 03/07/2017 17:14

Dear DD0314

I am sending you virtual hugs, we've managed to get through the final year of school, and relieved (I am personally) that DD has left, and is looking forward to 6th Form College away from school and all the horrid people that attended school. DD does seem a little more relaxed having left, and didn't go to Prom and was OK on the evening of the Prom and even with all the photos on social media she was relatively chilled!. I wish you and your DD the best and make sure you keep on at the school for support and discuss issues, We had initially discussed when bullying started way back and beginning and had been advised things were being sorted, surprise,surprise never was, so school stepped up a mark or two in final year and I was constantly in touch and DD was in pastoral care for majority of her final year and hardly attended class and teachers visited pastoral care to give work and feedback. Breaks my heart still to think what our DD has gone through and bullies to still be smiling as if nothing has happened, makes me so angry, though I can see DD is looking forward and that is what we have to think of as a positive. I have to say the support from Mumsnet has been amazing and kept me going when I have felt lost with all the emotions flying around. So Good Luck and keep us all posted as to how your DD gets on. Sending love and hugs mx0

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DD0314 · 03/07/2017 22:43

@NoLoveOfMine & @Monica thank you so much.
Advice noted and much appreciated. Last week started awful and I ended up speaking to head of year and behaviour support. It seemed to improve by the end of the week and she's been spending a lot more time with the boys at school who seem to be so much nicer!
This group is brilliant and has become my go-to when I'm stressed so thank you and sorry to jump on your thread.
I'm glad your DD is through it and I hope sixth form proves to be a positive experience in her life x

Monica53 · 04/07/2017 17:06

Hi DD0314 -Our Dd has found boys far less stressful and less Bitch. Good luck to your DD. It is so heartbreaking when our Dd are so sad and being excluded etc😣. Mums net is a God send and helps so much. Please keep us posted. My dd at a taster day at 6th college this week so fingers crossed it goes well. Keep on at the school and I hope your Dd has a relaxing school holidays which are around the corner. Hugs Monica xFlowers

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Monica53 · 04/07/2017 17:06

Hi DD0314 -Our Dd has found boys far less stressful and less Bitch. Good luck to your DD. It is so heartbreaking when our Dd are so sad and being excluded etc😣. Mums net is a God send and helps so much. Please keep us posted. My dd at a taster day at 6th college this week so fingers crossed it goes well. Keep on at the school and I hope your Dd has a relaxing school holidays which are around the corner. Hugs Monica xFlowers

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Monica53 · 12/09/2017 23:34

Hello everyone
Thank you so very much for all the support whilst our DD was having an awful time at school. Thought I'd update you all. Well she's left school and attending 6th form college also did extremely well in GCSE'S all A's and A* wow!! Go girl! So proud of her especially after everything she went through. Just thank you to you all for listening and giving advice so very much appreciated and so helpful xxoo

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dalek · 12/09/2017 23:40

Monica53 - so pleased for you and your DD - it's so heartbreaking when these things happen to your children - we've been there.

Wishing her all the best and hoping she'll make fantastic real friends xxx

SuperRainbows · 12/09/2017 23:41

That's fantastic for your DD!

I'm sure she'll go from strength to strength now.

School can be such a tough place. But she's out now.

And she's very lucky to have such a supportive Mum.

NoLoveofMine · 15/09/2017 12:23

Congratulations to your daughter Monica! What fantastic results. I'm sure that'll give her lots of confidence and hope she's having a great time at 6th form.

Monica53 · 16/09/2017 13:56

Thank you all. Yep amazingly survived and came out shining. Onwards and upwards we say now. You don't go backwards. XxooFlowers

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Trying2bgd · 20/09/2017 00:02

Only just spotted this. Well done to both of you. Onwards and upwards indeed. Am so pleased for her. Hugs to you. An inspiration to all of those who find school a bit of a struggle and to their mums and dads who worry......

Forgetmenot75 · 28/10/2017 21:44

Hello Monica
I’ve just read this entire thread and your first post resonated so much with me. Your despair was palpable and it was almost as if I could have written it myself about my DD16. From what you describe they have had similar experiences with “so called friends” (my daughter can rarely use the word “Friends”) and her mental health has suffered as a result. I do hope things have improved for your daughter now that she is at Sixth Form. In our case, there has been some improvement now my DD is at Sixth Form but not enough for her to regain her confidence and self esteem. I’d love to hear how your DD is now and hopefully that will give me some hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Monica53 · 28/10/2017 22:26

Hi forgetmenot75
Firstly my heart breaks for you as I so know how you feeling at the moment, our Dd is now at sixth form college and is slowly settling in,however she has v.low confidence and self esteem and occasionally anger issues which I feel is frustration as she has said in past things that happened to her must have been her fault,how sad.

On a brighter note moving to college in September has been best as I am aware she has made a few friends and also she did NCS in summer holidays and made a few friends also. She is signing up for Duke of Edinburgh and first aid training at college along with trying to find a part time job.

Also I hope your dd has managed to move on a little and they will I believe in time realise what true friends are all about and not mean nasty teens who are just trying to impress others.

It us a very stressful time for ourselves as you so want to make things better! Let us know how your dd is doing. Has she already sat gcse's or is she currently studying for them?. Take care and let me know how you're doing. Xx

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