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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Parenting teenagers is grim

100 replies

nakedscientist · 04/04/2017 18:27

Do you feel that all the joy goes out of having a family when they become teenagers? No more outings, the picnics, the craft days, making crappy cakes, cuddles, happy to see you. Then it becomes days of sleepovers, weekovers, boy/girl friends, can I have money/shoes/clothes/tickets/lifts....you dont know anything, your childhood was different/doesn't count/was ancient. Sigh. Bad day. Really bad day.

OP posts:

ignoringthechoc · 04/04/2017 18:37

Currently have one upstairs sulking as I wouldnt leave work early when she locked herself out (14) and one bit younger having a tantrum because he is grounded for misbehaving in school . The joy! At least it means im looking forward to work tomorrow, always a bright side :)

Original poster

nakedscientist · 04/04/2017 18:47

Thanks Ignoring ! Made me smile when you said always a bright side. I have one DD who has stormed out after a row with DH, one DD who is at boyfriends and one DS who is just "out" with his mates having told me I am ruining his holiday for asking where he is and to come home for dinner.

OP posts:

lljkk · 04/04/2017 19:02

The bad times are horrid but the laughs can be amazing, too. Hang in there... mother nature s way of helping us let go.

Ragwort · 04/04/2017 19:03

I certainly appreciate being out at work now and being treated with courtesey and respect - and dread the weekends .

Desperateforsleepzzzz · 04/04/2017 19:03

My DD is behaving like a spoilt brat so far this holiday. Her sixteenth was a few days ago she said after opening her presents "i get this amount on my normal birthdays this is my super sweet sixteenth". Then demanded her boyfriend should be sleeping over in her bed 🙄.

Kennington · 04/04/2017 19:06

As a teenager I had to spend time with the family a lot and I didn't have a lot of over intense friendships with sleepovers etc
I think it protected me a lot.
My parents took me on trips to museums and galleries and days out and it was fun. I recommend you carry on as you are if that is what you enjoy.

TheRollingCrone · 04/04/2017 19:06

Sorry Desperate but that made me laugh! She sounds like a card!

Fingalswave · 04/04/2017 19:07

I hear you op

I have to say I am finding it tough going at the moment and dd is only 13 yrs. I absolutely loved the baby, toddler and infant years and miss all the craft activities and picnics etc that you mention. It just seems to be strops and drama atm and it is really really draining. No answers but just posting in solidarity!

TheRollingCrone · 04/04/2017 19:09

Kennington That would never work in my family, the girls all go man mad at 15! DD is only 9, so I, ll keep it in mind

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/04/2017 19:12

Mine doesn't live with me because it got so bad (I am sure ASD, as yet undiagnosed), but the time I spend with her now is much better.
I was never really a fan of playgrounds and play doh, she's much more fun now, I can identify with her, we share jokes and interests.

Eolian · 04/04/2017 19:12

La la la la la . Dd is 11. She's fine so far and told me her friend said a boy in her class is going to ask her out . I'm dreading the teenage years! I was a really easy, well-behaved teen, so I'm not sure how well I'll handle it if she's not.

Hulababy · 04/04/2017 19:16

My teen is currently in Spain on an exchange visit for a week. Its her birthday (15th) tomorrow and she comes home in the evening. So at the moment I am really looking forward to seeing her and celebrating her birthday, and hearing about her adventures.

Ask me again by the end of next week, after a week of school holidays ;)

Hulababy · 04/04/2017 19:18

Did anyone else watch Child of Our Time last night - the children are teens now. Its on tonight too.

ggirl · 04/04/2017 19:20

cannot wait until ds becomes a normal human again
he was such a lovely boy
he's 14 , 15 in september
i lost it this morning ..same old ..same old ..disgusting room and bathroom.
I know I should let it go ..it's only a mess..but it fucking riles me and I will not live in filth because he is lazy.

He's 14 and capable of wiping his own shit off the toilet......and breathe !!

Schoolchauffeur · 04/04/2017 19:20

I share your pain! But I am pleased to report there is light at the end of the tunnel. My two did most of the stuff people have written about on this thread between 13 and 17 and since there's a 2 year age gap between them it lasted about six years! But it's not all bad- true we have very few family days out, no craft days or picnics. But DS is home for uni holidays and has driven me to a night out and picked me up, is cooking my tea tomorrow as DH is out, has done the dishwasher and walked the dogs.
We now can get them to have dinner with us out in a civilised restaurant, watch films together and we still did a family holiday last summer. This year they've suggested a long weekend in a European city. I miss some of the little kid stuff, but it's a new interesting phase.

ggirl · 04/04/2017 19:22

schoolchauffeur-- thanks for the glimmer of hope

My dd is 25 , she was an easy going teen compared to ds , finding myself wishing his teenage years away.

LorraLorraLlama · 04/04/2017 19:28

Joyless is a frequent word i use these days. It sums up our homelife.
I walk on eggshells never knoeing if shes happy or in a foul mood. She avoids spending anytime with me. Uses homeeork as an excuse. Spends forever in her hovel of a room. Only speaks when she wants money/lift/go to a party etc.

After being a sahm doing voluntary work im now still dping voluntary work, at college and working. I absolutely hste being at home.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore · 04/04/2017 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sonlypuppyfat · 04/04/2017 19:32

I've a dd16 the most beautiful girl you've ever seen tall long blond hair and her favourite person in the world is me! She's no interest in boys or going out, she's happy shopping and days out with me. Ds18 is just interested in bodybuilding he's never had a drink or bothers going out. They are both lovely people and I'm very very lucky

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore · 04/04/2017 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottachocca · 04/04/2017 19:58

We did go through a grim period after the 13th Birthday - it lasted a few months till I binge read half a dozen teen parenting books and I changed my approach and I pleased to report we are mostly living in an harmonious atmosphere again - dd has made dinner this evening because I want to get on with other stuff, I might be getting too ahead of myself but I feel even though I've relinquished a lot of my control over them, I have more influence. Even ds commented last week that we hadn't argued in months and he was the one who told me to fuck off 9 months ago! I find them more entertaining now - conversations are more complex and interesting - I think I'm better suited to having older children.

Cooroo · 04/04/2017 20:05

I find threads like this difficult. Most of the people who post will also be going through tough times. It seems crass to come on and say everything's fine. But for the sake of people reading and being filled with dread I have to say it can be lovely having a teenager (I only had one which probably helped). She had her moments but I cut her some slack and we mostly got on well. It's an age when you can share a joke, watch Game of Thrones together (I waited till 16 before doing this!), listen to their worries and learn to stand back a little. She's 20 now so if she turns horrible overnight at least we got through teens!
I have no idea why some are so much more difficult/unhappy than others.

Stopyourhavering · 04/04/2017 20:06

Hang in there!.... had 3 teenagers not so long ago
Eldest dd had very little problem with except for low self esteem but has blossomed since being at Uni and now applying for a PhD
Middle dd was evil...., underage drinking , 'sleepovers', not pulling her weight at home or school- dh and her came to blows so many times...
However after GCSEs she left the toxic environment of the local comprehensive school and did BTEC in Business at FE college while holding down 2 part time jobs and is in second yr at uni applying for placement years and has become a funny , bright, determined woman with a goal in life
Ds is the only teenager left at home now but he will be off to uni in September and despite leaving numerous plates and glasses in his bedroom and nonchalantly throwing clothes/towels on the floor in the hope they will somehow make their way to the kitchen, he loves a laugh and is a loyal friend to his cohort of primary school friends
We've had our fair share of teenage dramas and horrible times over the last 15 yrs but I hope we've done a good enough job of preparing them for a life in the big bad world and hope they'll look back on the formative years as generally happy and nurturing ( dd 2 has just proclaimed home cooked food as amazing after 2 terms away!!)
No one prepares you for the traumas and crises of the teenage years ...as one wise friend told me small children , small problems...big children bigger problems!!

chaplin1409 · 04/04/2017 20:09

I so can see where you are coming from. My 16 and 14 year old have been quite easy so far. They have never been into going out with friends and are happy to be with us when they are home and nit away with cadets. But my 12 year old is different she is sulking at the moment as I won't let her go to a foam disco thing in a play place near on an hour away. It is for under 17s but noway.

Crumbs1 · 04/04/2017 20:14

Actually I loved the teenage years - and do still. The ability to share humour properly, the pride in genuine achievement, the ability to do more interesting outings - art galleries, theatre, hill walking, wild swimming, cooking supper together, sailing together. Watching them become increasingly confident, growing into nice people, shared decisions. All lovely.

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