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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Failed as a parent . Getting a lock fitted on my bedroom to keep money and me safe,

32 replies

notmrscookie · 12/03/2017 22:09

Tomorrow i admit defeat and get a lock fitted on my bedroom door to stop drug addicted son stealing or harming me when i say no . He 16 police and social services not intrested. Dad long stopped caring new girlfield more intresting..MY home is no longer my safe place its my worse nightmare and the place i am most scared.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 12/03/2017 22:18

Couldn't ignore this. What a sad situation. I just don't know what to say except to off a handhold and hope that someone more knowledgeable comes along shortly.
Haven't seen her around recently (unless she's name-changed) but Maryz has been through the mill with her DC and has had numerous posts on here with excellent advice. Maybe do an Advanced Search on her to be going on with?

Falafelfun · 12/03/2017 22:47

Report report report. Go to the police if he steals or is physical. It's for his own good

toomuchtvandsocialmedia · 12/03/2017 22:49

Flowers. No useful advice but will be thinking of you and hoping you get the support you need.

PickAChew · 12/03/2017 22:53

What Falafel said. Whenever he's threatening, at all, call the police. Be the squeaky wheel.

Do you have other DC? If you do, they need protecting, too.

ginswinger · 12/03/2017 23:10

I am so sorry for you. Have you been following the PM programme on radio 4 last week? It's exactly your situation (I think). It looks as though they might be able to offer some references too. I think I've found most of the episodes here (there are several)
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0089nbb/episodes/player

Blossomflowers · 13/03/2017 12:09

First of all you have not failed as a parent. What a horrible situation, surely there must be help out there. Do you have a family member you could involve, maybe someone your son respects. I have an inkling how you feel, my son 16 has/is been heavily into drugs, stealing from me, being very agreesive and times manipulative though luckily ex is supportive. I have guilty asked myself where I have gone wrong but you know what he choose that horrible druggy, I have given him everything. But light at the end of the tunnel, he has finally got himself a job and not staying out to lill 5 in the morning and sleeping all day. Long may is last finally I have something to be proud of. I hope things improve OP it is hell. PM if you need support

Original poster
notmrscookie · 13/03/2017 22:37

i am completely on my own my parents died when i was 17. Ex dad dead. His mum 75 and the sunshines out of his arse.. Dads a waste of space .. I given up after sitting in a police station names his suppliers etc and nothing . Last year the school got him help he refused it .. Crime stopers did nothing .. Other parents blame my son for leading theirs into drugs.. Today i got boxes to wrap all my important pictures, parents memories and special things away ..Ready for tomorrow .I looked at a few rooms to rent or airbb rooms in my area. Due to parents death i own my home outright and am so ready just to walk away to somewhere else .. safe and worry free. i work with people who are at the end of their lives and sometimes wish it was me as it would put an end to this crap life..

OP posts:
purpleviolet1 · 13/03/2017 22:41

So sad , no experience but don't give up , you are doing your best...

Original poster
notmrscookie · 14/03/2017 17:34

bedroom lock fitted. garage door can no longer be opened and back gate needs a wider piece of wood before a lock can go on it . 2 steps forward one back .

OP posts:
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 14/03/2017 17:36

Are you throwing him out? Does he have somewhere to go or will he try to force his way back in?

Sometimes kicking them out is the kindest thing to do if you can't help them any other way.

Flowers
NoviceGardener101 · 14/03/2017 17:39

What kind of drugs?

You sound so low, I don't have teens yet but really hope someone will come along soon who can help.

orenisthenewblack · 14/03/2017 17:55

If you are threatened or scared for your life, call 999 every time, regardless if he's your son or not.

Look after yourself opFlowers

Serowe72 · 14/03/2017 17:59

Sorry to hear how scared you are. Since you own your own home, would you consider selling it to get him into a therapeutic treatment centre. Maybe overseas or they have them in UK too.

While he is away you could move out of area so he has a few start when he comes out.

Roomba · 14/03/2017 18:03

You haven't failed. My parents had to do this as my sister was a horrific teen - again, police and social services not interested. If it's any consolation or gives any hope at all, she's now a lovely, caring, high flying civil servant in her mid 30s.

No real advice as mine aren't teens yet, but I would make sure you ring 999 every time there is an incident or you feel threatened.

notangelinajolie · 14/03/2017 18:03

Flowers to you OP.

No advice to give but please don't blame yourself. You didn't force him to take the drugs - he is responsible for himself and his actions.

Whattodo23 · 14/03/2017 18:04

I am sorry you are going through this. No advice but I hope to God things improve for both you and your son. Please don't blame yourself x

Megatherium · 14/03/2017 18:08

Why are you planning to walk away? Can you not tell SS that you are refusing to have him in the house because he is dangerous, and change the locks?

drinkswineoutofamug · 14/03/2017 18:35

If your son is threatening you or stealing from you phone the police to have him removed. No parent should have to live like this. I have reported my daughter to the police for breaking bail conditions etc before now. Yes she's in prison, her own fault.
You should not be a prisoner in your own home. Social services should have a duty of care, along with the police. Send him to his fathers , or is that where the problem lies? New gf forgets about his son?

PovertyJetset · 14/03/2017 18:38

Where are you op?

It sounds like your are being resolutely sensible, so feel better about yourself for that.

Call the police EVERYTIME he threatens or steals.

Blossomflowers · 15/03/2017 16:17

OP, how are you today? Ignore other people blaming your son for " making their darling children take drugs" Many people have told me to kick my son out but I will not do that but everyone has their breaking point and if comes to that so not feel you have done something wrong. Keep posting and talking, you will get through this.

IHaveBrilloHair · 15/03/2017 16:20

I had this but without the drugs.
No one helped so I put Dd, then 14, in care, she's still there but I see her all the time, it's helped hugely.
I could no longer live my life in fear in my own home.

Original poster
notmrscookie · 16/03/2017 04:12

In west Sussex. I have had loads of chats with social services they will do anything to avoid helping.
Can't sell house as ex is delaying divorce so he still on deeds over 26 months after he left .

If the house is full secure I could lock him out ..Have a guy coming over tomorrow to put a bigger fence post next to backdoor so I can fix a two way lock and then I can lock the garden and garage ..

He is really into sport and has poor GCSE result.. A drug criminal record will ruin his job chances.

I will sofa surf at friends for a while . I tried mediation with his dad but it was useless..social services do not offer this as we are not at risk ..

In someway it is worse owning house as if housing association we could be kicked out for anti social behavior ..

Drugs weed, loads of legal high , gases in gallons. Whatever gives the most profit as he deals to earn pocket money ..

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 16/03/2017 04:37

Are you leaving the house for him to use?? Shock

Atenco · 16/03/2017 05:21

No advice, though Al Anon might help. I have a friend going through the exact same thing. Her son was lovely, is lovely, except for the stealing and drug taking.

FruitCider · 16/03/2017 05:39

OP as a substance misuse nurse I URGE you to get some support for yourself. Please contact

West Sussex Drug and Alcohol Wellbeing Network
DAWN, the West Sussex Drug and Alcohol Wellbeing Network, provides support to people of any age, who are looking to reduce or stop their drinking or use of drugs.
Young people aged up to 24 can contact the service via:
Text: 077793399544_ (someone will ring you back).
Call: 0300 303 86777_

If you abandon your home your son will more than likely turn it into a squat/crack den regardless of the locks.

I would ring safeguarding at social services again as he is their responsibility until he is 18, state that you know this and you WILL take further action if they continue to refuse to assist.

Good luck!

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