Looks like DD14 is seeing an 18yr old. Can you help me handle it properly please?

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DD has spent a few weeks now out and about, keeping herself to herself and just not being involved as much.p lately, attached to her phone etc.

I was tidying upstairs just now and saw, what looks to me like a love bite on her neck. I didn't say anything but she knows I saw it.

DD2 is still floating about getting ready for bed and when I went in to pick up in her room and turn her light out she said did you see it? And then said DD1s boyfriend is 18 and told me his name.

so, my 14yr has her first boyfriend and he is apparently 18. I remember, probably doing similar at her age and it all fizzled out due to me not being old enough to join in with their older activities and his friends ripping the piss out of him. TBH I probably got bored before he did of the relationship but it was warmer hanging out in his car instead of the park.

But the mother part of me wants to scream you are never seeing him ever again.

I understand girls may at times be more mature than boys but 18 v 14, really?? In my mind I can only think of one thing he wants from my daughter.

What should I do?

This is a tricky one... as a parent of a 12 year old I want to protect her and have no idea how I would react to this.
But, I also can't be hypocritical because at 15 1/2 I started going out with a 19 year old. My Mam wasn't keen at all but didn't stop me seeing him, just said she had to meet him first and for a while I could only see him at our house until she got to know him a bit and realised he was a good bloke. He refused to have sex with me til I was over 16 (I was the one pushing not him, perhaps wanting to prove I was grown up enough for him). Think my Mam thought it would peter out but.... we've now been together 21 years, married for 15 of them.
I know on the face of it it's a massive age gap but it really depends on the individuals - I was mature for my age, he wasn't worldly wise for a 19 year old and certainly not just after 'one thing'.
It's a difficult situation but I think my Mam handled it well.

Incidentally I think with any 'serious' relationship starting at 14 there's a good chance they'll end up having sex before 16. Plenty of my friends were having sex before me at that age with boyfriends of the same age.

Insist on meeting him.

Your friend says he's a nice lad & that his parents are nice.

You say your daughter is confident & mature.

Your daughter has told you they're not having sex.

What do you hope to gain by talking to his Mum & do you think that gain outweights having your daughters trust?

And whatever you do, do not question 'what he sees in her'. I had a (female) friend who was early 20's when I was 14/15. We used to coach a team together & hang out at hers afterwards/at the weekends. My Mum couldn't understand 'what she saw in me as I was just a kid'

your OP sounded so much like my own experience! I had an 18 year old bf when i was just about to turn 15 and my mum found out because of a lovebite!
I think you are doing the right thing remaining calm and trying to meet him. The thing is that teenagers will just do whatever they want anyway and they will do it in secret if they dont trust you. Its much better to provide an environment where your daughter can come to you if she feels under pressure or frightened etc. If she has to lie about her entire relationship she wont be able to do this and you wont be able to help her.
Keeping a close eye on it and keeping her on side is a good idea.
In my case i didnt have sex with my boyfriend until we had been seeing each other for a yea. Despite him being 18 we were both virgins and not in any rush to do that as it was quite a big deal for both of us. Having sex is a far cry from love bites!

Am I living on another planet here??
If my 14 year old CHILD was involved with an 18 year old ADULT , Id be getting the bloody police involved , never mind all this arranging to meet him for a chat and all that malarky. That's ridiculous.
At 14 you are still a child and in no way ready for a relationship of that kind, its also illegal. Id be extremely concerned if an 18 year old guy was hanging around my 14 year old daughter. I don't see the issue here, it needs to be stopped end of.