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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Unsupervised 16th birthday party

35 replies

lostinspace45 · 06/12/2016 00:42

My friend is having a 16th for her son at her house. She says she has been banned from being there so there will be no adult supervision. There will be lots of booze. She thinks I'm a bit of a stick in the mud about this but I'm so scared something will go horribly wrong. I've offered to be there but she says there are no adults allowed - what can I say to her (or should I keep my nose out?)

OP posts:
DuggeeSchmuggee · 06/12/2016 01:00

Keep your nose out, if your friend is happy to have drunk 16 year olds in her house then so be it.

Original poster
lostinspace45 · 06/12/2016 01:24

You're right I know....just so worried that she'll get in trouble if someone gets ill etc.....

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/12/2016 11:00

Your friend is very silly. My nearly 16 year old DDs have been to several 16th birthday parties in the last few months, as far as I'm aware they've all been 'supervised', even if loosely - ie parents upstairs or next door. And there has still been trouble - kids throwing up, fights, things getting broken, masses of uninvited guests turning up at the door.

15/16 is too young to be left to get on with it - particularly as I've found approx. half the parents allow a bit of a booze at parties, and the rest have a total ban on it - so your friend would be responsible if an under age kid ended up in hospital with alcohol poisoning.

I've told mine they're not having a 16th party, too risky, they have to wait until 18.

What is this 'thing' with 16 nowadays anyway, it was just a normal birthday when I was that age.

Leeds2 · 06/12/2016 20:02

It wouldn't happen in my house! But I am a bit of a stick in the mud.

I eouldlet your DD know that you are there to help her, without question, at any time during the evening.

leonardthelemming · 07/12/2016 10:34

What is this 'thing' with 16 nowadays anyway, it was just a normal birthday when I was that age.

Probably because the list of things young people can do at 16 (that they couldn't at 15) is quite a bit longer than the list of new things they can do at 18. It's a very significant point in someone's life.

specialsubject · 08/12/2016 10:06

If she is happy for her house to be smashed up and thick with vomit, her problem. As is letting a child ban her from her own house.

Groovee · 08/12/2016 10:12

Your friend may come to regret her decision. There's not much you can do.

Agiraffeisnotacat · 13/12/2016 23:38

Has it happened yet?
DS is having a smal party for his 16th at our house, only about ten kids. We are staying upstairs but have put fairly strict rules in place such a couple of beers are ok but strictly no spirits, nobody to get properly drunk (a bit tipsy is fine), girls have to be picked up at midnight or we also offered to drive them home. He has also been told that they must respect our house and any breakages would be up to him to make good.

He has a good group of friends so hopefully it should be ok. Unsupervised and going out - no way.

BackforGood · 13/12/2016 23:41

Your friend is being very irresponsible - at best very naive, but it's not really anything to do with you. You've offered your opinion, and there's not a lot else you can do except not allow your dc to go.

MinesAGin · 13/12/2016 23:48

She's crazy. She should be there with a couple of friends or her partner. She shouldn't let a 15 year old tell her what will happen - no way.

VonHerrBurton · 14/12/2016 00:21

It's got Disaster written all over it! It's not whether her kid is well behaved/nice group of friends/trustworthy - none of that matters when instagram tells everyone about it and 50 randoms turn up....

I've seen it happen too many times to friends and easy going family and its just ended up puke everywhere, over emotional teenagers crying, fighting and stuff broken.

ScarletForYa · 14/12/2016 01:00

They'll tear the place apart!

She must be mad!

CondensedMilkSarnies · 14/12/2016 01:17

I agreed to a small house party for DD's 15th birthday - I stayed in the house - it was carnage !!

I found out it had been announced on FB and had to recruit a neighbour to help with crowd control !

CondensedMilkSarnies · 14/12/2016 01:19

Giraffe they will sneak alcohol in !

quicklydecides · 14/12/2016 01:56

Wow she sounds really cool.
That's her aim I guess isn't it?

Agiraffeisnotacat · 14/12/2016 07:28

condensedmilk we haven't said no alcohol but have said no spirits. Trying to do a manageable compromise. Fingers crossed...

SoupDragon · 14/12/2016 07:32

Your friend is an idiot, OP!

SoupDragon · 14/12/2016 07:35

Sorry, Giraffe, I think they'll be sneaking spirits in.

I have friends who've had this with their teens. Having heard tales from one set which included having to call an ambulance for one child there is no way I would trust them not to sneak stuff in and no way I would leave them unsupervised.

SoupDragon · 14/12/2016 07:37

One friend said even though he was there supervising, there was one girl totally out of her head on vodka which she had sneaked in (there was other alcohol provided). As he said, there was no way he could have frisked them all as they came in.

I think most "supervision" is just being there if something goes wrong.

Agiraffeisnotacat · 14/12/2016 07:39

We will be upstairs and finding excuses to pop down and check on them. To be honest I'd rather they were in my house, a safe place, than drinking in the park like I did at 16.

I am still hoping that my naivity may not be totally crushed Grin

GinIsIn · 14/12/2016 07:41

Hope she has good home and contents insurance!

SoupDragon · 14/12/2016 07:43

I'm just glad my teens have never asked for a party! DS1 doesn't even want one for his 18th next year.

I have told them that, when they are out at a party, they can call me any time for any reason and I will come and bail them out. Be that crowd control, drunken friends, them being drunk or lost or whatever. Hearing tales from other parents scared me!

Agiraffeisnotacat · 14/12/2016 07:47

Yes soup we have said the same, that we will always be there to pick them up if they or their friends are in trouble/ uncomfortable somewhere with no questions asked. I think that is really important.

backinthebox · 14/12/2016 07:50

My brother is in his mid 40s. We still talk about the aftermath of his 16th birthday party. Our parents went away and left him to it. Antiques were broken, all the door handles in the house were taken off and someone got shut in a room and panicked and kicked their way through the door, empty vodka bottles everywhere- many of them smashed, and the really weird thing (this snippet will out me to my family if any are reading) pasta EVERYWHERE! In shampoo bottles, in keyholes, anywhere you can think. Thousands of individual pieces of pasta twist or macaroni in everything. Years later we were finding them still.

The party had hot out of control and someone set bouncers on the door who wouldn't let me in. Police were called and it was all fairly horrible.

I won't be letting my kids have any teenage parties actually IN the house - they both have warm month birthdays and can have them outside. Which is what my neighbours did with their daughter last month - a massive storm hit and they still partied on regsrdless!

SnorkelParka · 14/12/2016 07:54

I had a house party at that age 'supervised' by my older brother. People I didn't know gatecrashed. People I did know stole stuff belonging to my parents and boasted about it. People tried to start some of our vehicles and lit matches in an outbuilding, tossing them around. And my friend was puking up by 8pm and slept off the party alone in a bedroom.

Tell her she was warned. What if someone posts details of the party on social media?