Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How much freedom should 13 yr old have?

33 replies

Bushybrenda1 · 02/12/2016 17:26

Eldest dd is 13, nearly 14.
On weeknights she has to be in by 10 and weekends 11.
She is not permitted to go to older teen parties (18+) and if she is staying at a friends over night, I always phone to check with friends parents that they will be home. She has asked for more freedom and feel that we are too strict? My worry is that she sees a few girls her age getting away with alot more. Staying at friends all weekend, roaming the streets, staying up all night etc. I think our rules are acceptable for her age.
How much freedom do you give your teen?

OP posts:
ImYourMama · 02/12/2016 17:28

Jeez I think the boundaries are pretty lax already! I had similar rules at 16 when I left school, and that was more than a lot of my peers. She'll always push for more but I think anymore is just giving her chance to get up to mischief. Keep things as they are but say you'll reconsider at 16 or so

corythatwas · 02/12/2016 21:34

I think that is plenty of freedom for her age. Of course she will push against the boundaries, that's what young teens do. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong about your boundaries. It's about keeping her safe.

Lilaclily · 02/12/2016 21:37

Where is she until 10 on week nights? How does she get home?
My 13 year old still goes to bed at 9.30, up at 6.30, does homework most nights otherwise has to spend all Saturday doing it and it's bloody miserable

Jellyshoeshurtmyfeet · 02/12/2016 21:49

I have a 15 yr old who has to be in by 10 week nights or 10.30 if I'm collecting him and 10.30 at weekend. My 13yr old has to be in by 8pm unless he's going to a party or a friends and I am collecting.

123rd · 02/12/2016 21:53

Wow! My dd is in bed by 9:30 & she is 13 too. I wouldn't be comfortable with the amount of freedom if I'm honest

Fairylea · 02/12/2016 21:57

Shock Wow.

My dd is 13 and if it's a school night she has to be indoors by 6pm unless it's a prearranged activity or by 8.30 if she's at someone's house. She has to be in bed by 9pm but doesn't have a sleep-time as such, ipad and iPhone must be in the kitchen downstairs charging by 10pm.

She's not allowed to add anyone on social media who isn't the same age as her or isn't a friend of a friend that we know about in the same friendship group and we keep an eye on stuff she posts etc.

I'm way stricter than you...! Perhaps there's a balance somewhere in the middle.

BackforGood · 02/12/2016 21:57

You are already giving her far more freedom than I would be.
My 15 yr old isn't getting that level of freedom.

What is she doing out until that time night after night?

SerialReJoiner · 02/12/2016 21:58

What on earth could a 13yo actually do that time of night? I'm baffled. My 13yo DD is home by 7pm on a weeknight and doesn't do sleepovers during term time because dh works long hours and she'd never see him if she was with her friends all weekend. She's mostly happy to spend a few hours with friends and then come home again.

MrsSthe3rd · 02/12/2016 22:00

Wow, that's a wonderful amount of freedom already. She is one lucky teenager.

lovelycats · 02/12/2016 22:02

I wasn't allowed out at night until I was 15, and I had a 10pm curfew and got picked up. It was also only on a Friday night. That went on until I was 18! I don't think my parents were hugely strict, I thought it was quite reasonable...

Confusednotcom · 02/12/2016 22:07

You sound really, really relaxed. My DD, 13, wouldn't dream of wanting to be out on her own past 7pm let alone 10 and neither would her friends. I am sure it'll change but 13 is still quite young IMO.

SnowBallsAreHere · 02/12/2016 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeckinCrutches · 02/12/2016 22:09

My 16yo doesn't get that much freedom. Where on earth is she till 10pm on a school night??

MeadowHay · 02/12/2016 22:10

Wow, I had to be in on time for my tea on school nights so like 6pm when I was 13! I went to bed at 10pm! Then on weekends I was allowed to stay out til about 7pm, and if I was at a party or something then 11pm but only if I got a lift home from my parents or a friend's parents. I was also only allowed sleepovers during school holidays and only with a few select people who my parents knew their parents quite well. My parents were definitely on the strict side but I am surprised you are considering relaxing your already very fair boundaries. (I'm 23 by the way so this was not so long ago for me haha.)

Libby34 · 02/12/2016 22:15

Wow Shock I think that's very late for a 13 year old. At 13 I was allowed out until 7 and that's only if I was given permission to actually go out. And that was less than a decade ago. Maybe I'm cruel but if I was in your position I'd be considering making her come in earlier not later GrinGrin

Sweetwater · 02/12/2016 22:16

My 13 year old is in bed by then unless she's at one of her after school sports.

idontlikealdi · 02/12/2016 22:18

10 on weeknights?! I'm in bed before that.

Original poster
Bushybrenda1 · 02/12/2016 22:20

Sorry everyone, that should have said 'in bed by 10', she has to be in the house by 8:30 max on week nights. It sounds like she has it good! I should let her read your replies!
We monitor her online activity too. You can never be too safe!
She often says she wants to live with her auntie as she let's her teens do alot more!

OP posts:
whatsthebigdeal · 02/12/2016 22:21

My 13 year old girl doesn't go out on week nights, if she wanted to go to costa or the shops after school I would want her home for tea by 6 ish
Weekends she can sleep over at friends or go shopping in town
I would never let her wander the streets and not know where she is, I don't want her out after dark
She had find my friends on iPhone so I can keep a track of her

Sittingunderafrostysky · 02/12/2016 22:22

My 13 year old is in bed at 9pm. Certainly wouldn't be anywhere unsupervised (and this is the same for all his friends, and I'm not considered to be remotely strict).

What is your dd doing until 10pm?

Sarahlou456 · 02/12/2016 22:23

My 14 (almost 15) year old son only goes to preplannned activities that I pick him up from during the week and is always in for 9pm.

Weekends if he's out alone with friends he's in for 8.30/9pm. Don't usually allow him to go to house parties but if he does he gets picked up by 11pm.

Younger son 12 (almost 13) is allowed out with friends during the day but in my tea time. Not allowed out at night at all.

Daughter 10, isn't allowed out alone full stop.

I realise I'm probably too strict but they don't seem to mind, very busy with school, homework, organised clubs. They have plenty time to go out socialising at 18!

Zoflorabore · 02/12/2016 22:26

My ds is also 13 nearly 14 and I'm pretty relaxed with him but on a school night it's Xbox etc off and winding down in bed with a film or music in the background as he always drops off as is exhausted from school/ football etc and has to get up early.

During the summer holidays I let him stay out until it gets dark but he's playing football locally with a group of friends I know, he doesn't wander the streets.

On Fridays and Saturdays I allow him to dictate his own bedtime unless something is planned for the morning, he's pretty sensible and knows when he's tired and gives in.

He went to a sleepover once where the parents are super relaxed and they stayed up until 7am and slept all day, I don't encourage sleepovers there as it messes with him for days.

I think your dd is getting plenty of freedom.

I'm sure we all tried that " everyone else can do ... " when we were that age, I know I didGrin

Confusednotcom · 02/12/2016 22:27

So is she out till 11 or in bed by 11 at weekends ??

Zoflorabore · 02/12/2016 22:27

Sorry I meant to add 9pm as the cut off time on a school night.

Lucyneedssleep · 03/12/2016 13:16

My dd 15 isn't out at all on school nights always in for dinner by 6 unless at friends for dinner. Weekend im fairly lax typically in by midnight.