How much freedom should 13 yr old have?

[Bushybrenda1]

Eldest dd is 13, nearly 14.
On weeknights she has to be in by 10 and weekends 11.
She is not permitted to go to older teen parties (18+) and if she is staying at a friends over night, I always phone to check with friends parents that they will be home. She has asked for more freedom and feel that we are too strict? My worry is that she sees a few girls her age getting away with alot more. Staying at friends all weekend, roaming the streets, staying up all night etc. I think our rules are acceptable for her age.
How much freedom do you give your teen?

Dd16 now. When she was 13, she hung out with a group of girls who had marathon weekend hangouts, roamed the streets till midnight, and stayed up all night. They were also very mean and bullied other girls as well as each other. Then, at our insistence, dd tried out and joined a high demand competitive sport and could no longer afford the time to hang out with this group. Now they are 16, and her former clique are still hanging out all night long. They are now getting drunk and high and getting on with random boys not just on weekends but also week nights. While dd16 is a high achieving student and athlete, and a sweet and thoughtful daughter, sister and friend. OP, you are doing the right thing.

my DC who are 13 and 14 have to be home by the time it's dark, so pretty early at the moment, unless they are at someone's house/party/school event etc when we would pick them up if it's dark. Bed time on a school night is 9.15 and 10.30 at the weekend. They stay home alone in the holidays when we're working, and go into town with friends etc, but DS (the 14YO) still asks to be tucked in at night! They haven't asked for more flexibility yet, but I'm sure it won't be long!

My near 16 year olds don't get this level of freedom!! I don't like 'wandering' at all - more than happy for them to go to a friend's or meet at cinema or parties etc but needs to be a reason, not just wandering round town. I've seen friend's kids get into too much trouble, fortunately my DDs are also aware of this and it makes thing easier.

Happy for them to be at parties at weekend until 12/1 as long as we pick them up or we know someone who can give them a lift.

Bed is 10ish on school nights, don't care at weekends, unless they have sport on a Sunday.

My dd is 13 (14 in jan).

Weeknights:
Home from friends by 6.30 (me, dh or exh will collect her from friends / clubs etc).
Bed by 9.30.
No gadgets after 8.

Weekends:
Same, unless they are at a sleepover. In by 8 in the summer if they are playing out in the street (lots of kids in my road that play footy / bikes etc.
bed by 10/10.30
No gadgets after 8.

OP what goes your DD want to do that she isn't doing now? DCs have a lot of freedom in our house (no bedtimes or curfews) but DCs wouldn't have wanted to be out at 10pm midweek when they were 13 unless maybe they were going to a gig or a party or some sport related thing (in which case they would need picking up).

Quite lax, I would think. I insisted on knowing specifically where there were and who with until 16. School nights they usually only went to set activities not just 'hanging around'. At 13 they need clear boundaries and the protection of parents. Up to 17if they went to parties one of us collected them at set time and we always checked there was an adult on site at all times by phoning beforehand.

What specifically does she want to do that she isn't allowed to do?

My almost 14 yo has to be home for dinner (6 pm) unless previously arranged otherwise. Bedtime on schoolnights is 9.15. Weekends and holidays are flexible, sleepovers I expect no actual sleep. No staying out until late unless I know 1) she will be sleeping somewhere I know or 2) I am picking her up.

I am however allowing her and 2 friends to go to a concert in March on a school night - it's their favourite band ever, they are playing a regional venue and it is affordable so the rules will get broken. I will remain nearby drinking non-alcoholic things and will take them home and shunt them to school in the morning.

Your DD has nothing to complain about.