Found a spare phone in ds's room, need some advice please!

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

The rule has always been that devices go on the landing so as not to disturb sleep --or go on Snapchat all night- -

Recently 15 year old ds is really struggling with tiredness, big bags under his eyes , moody and snappy etc. I've made a huge effort to ensure he's in bed by 10 otherwise he would be still batting around at half past midnight this is totally in line with most of his friends' bedtimes so he's not hard done by despite what he says

I've just been cleaning his room- he knew I was planning on doing it today but as he was late leaving for school AGAIN I presume he forgot to hide his spare phone complete with ear buds as it was on his bed.

Ffs no wonder he has been so knackered if he's on that until all hours

What would you do if this was your son so I can plan what to do?

I want to go batshit crazy as he's been horrendous to live with as he's been so snappy and tired but obviously won't do that...yet.

You could just remove it and say nothing, but I think it needs punishment to be honest.

I'd probably keep it and not say anything and see what his reaction is before I decide what to do.

He's been generally pushing boundaries so this is a bit ' straw that broke the camel's back' rather than just about a spare phone.

What sort of phone and how does he pay for it!

Ooooooo keep it and make him ask,i like that!

go batshit crazy and remove internet access and the other phone.

stupid brat. Needs a lesson in sense. And to stop wasting the education that in other countries you get shot for trying to attend.

To avoid a row maybe tell him you found the spare so that will need handing in at bedtime too.

It's hard to police it, teenagers always seem to find access online.

I may be completely wrong here but my first thought was drugs. Is he out a lot?

clear nail varnish over the battery contacts?
Have you checked the contacts? Is it in a contract or PAYG? If it is PAYG with no credit he could still be using it over the internet. Turn off the router at 10pm?
I'd be livid OP. I have a 16YO and it is exactly the sort of thing they try!

Myballs- it's an old one,no SIM so just apps/ music etc on there. His other one was a birthday present and I pay £7 a month rolling SIM therefore I dictate the fact he can't have it in his room overnight , until he has a job and pays for it himself that's the way it will continue.

He's not out at all, heavily into sports so that takes up his free time.

I would remove this ohone, and his regular phone when he comes in.

messgae is simple, with privileges come responsibilities. Having a phone is a privilege, not a right. You are expected to follow basic rules. (our house has same rules, phones out of bedrooms at night) If you can't follow basic rules, then you lose the privileg of a phone.

Something like 2 weeks zero phone.

His grades are really good at school, at the moment but he can't get up in the mornings and know I know why

I might go along the 'I'm disappointed' route that's worked before.

Or I might tell dh to sort it out, I'm sick of being the bad guy.

I would ask him to talk to you about it, express concern that's he's tired, look up on the internet the impact lack of sleep has on school work, try to let him do the talking even if there are silences. Try reading How to talk to teens so they listen and listen so they talk - a very simple method (you won't have to read the whole book) and with some luck you may get him to say, for himself, that it's not a good idea.

He's too old for punishments now, in my opinion.

He sounds like a pretty typical teen I think.
Don't go mad, just have an open chat and say you feel let down.
Secret internetting isn't too scandalous in the grand scheme of teen misdemeanors.

That's good, glad it's nothing like that.

We have the same rule as my 15 year olds would be on it until all hours. Keep hold of it until he notices. It's such an important school year, he needs his sleep.

I'd definitely go with taking it and not saying anything, waiting to see how he reacts.

Bloody hell special

OP I agree hide the phone and wait!

What usual Says
No point in going batshit.
Just tell him you have found his phone and obviously that is the cause of his tiredness etc.
Second phone will now have to be left on landing too.
Or turn internet off at night.

I'm fucked off tbh, I don't really have rules apart from bed time and no phone over night, and he makes me out to be an ogre!

My little cherub managed to get some internets on an old game boy type thing when we had stripped the devices from his room.

Shame he didn't put as much effort into bloody GCSE.

Leccy- it's not but it's been going on ages and is hugely affecting his week being. I'm lucky, he's a good kid but I feel really strongly about this.

I'd remove the battery and let him sweat it.

Then tell him in the evening not to stay up late playing on the phone.

Then have the chat.

I wouldn't go heavy handed at that age. I'd mostly point out that if he wants to ruin his future, I wouldn't be there to hold him.

OK I'm going to give advice now that I am crap at heeding myself so here goes.

Why don't you sit down with him and have a chat about t. About why you're concerned etc. Hear what he has to say. See if there's a compromise you can come to.

I know, it's less fun than taking it and waiting for him to ask but I think it'll work better in the long term