Found a spare phone in ds's room, need some advice please!

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

The rule has always been that devices go on the landing so as not to disturb sleep --or go on Snapchat all night- -

Recently 15 year old ds is really struggling with tiredness, big bags under his eyes , moody and snappy etc. I've made a huge effort to ensure he's in bed by 10 otherwise he would be still batting around at half past midnight this is totally in line with most of his friends' bedtimes so he's not hard done by despite what he says

I've just been cleaning his room- he knew I was planning on doing it today but as he was late leaving for school AGAIN I presume he forgot to hide his spare phone complete with ear buds as it was on his bed.

Ffs no wonder he has been so knackered if he's on that until all hours

What would you do if this was your son so I can plan what to do?

I want to go batshit crazy as he's been horrendous to live with as he's been so snappy and tired but obviously won't do that...yet.

Ok, both phones in hallway EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. If he doesn't do it then he loses his phone(s) for 2 weeks.

I won't go batshit.

15 is NOT too old for punishments

I won't take it as that's the sort of thing my mum used to do

I didn't go batshit but by Christ that child can be a gobby little shite

Kept it calm and said if he does it again he'll lose his phone for 2 weeks.

Talked about a morning routine and what time he needs to be in the shower etc.

He stomped off upstairs muttering...

Why is bedtime 10pm? That's really early. Not in line with ANY 15yos I know? It's no surprise he is using his spare phone when he is being treated like a 12yo. I would be rebelling too. In a few months he will be 16, an adult (of sorts) but he isn't even going to be able to regulate his own bedtime

I feel knackered if I go to sleep past 10pm so I imagine it would be worse for a 15 YO who then isn't getting up for school on time!

Doesn't sound like a two-way chat OP, more like a lecture!

And yes I think 10pm is quite early for a 15yo

But if there is no SIM card surely he is only using it for music and games? Am I missing something quite probably

If he is generally a good DS, working hard, getting the grades and doing sport and he is only using the phone for music/games etc I would be inclined to see if you could come to a compromise i.e. If he can show you he will be responsible with it in getting up on time and getting in the shower without moaning, he can keep it? It might give him an incentive?

I sympathise, I have one which refuses to get up in the morning even if she's in bed asleep at 8pm

Bloody rude to call someone's DC a brat, no need really in this case.

He does a lot of sports during the week which don't finish until 10 so actually bedtime at 10 is only Monday , Wednesday and Thursday. Friday and Saturday he can stay up as late as he likes.

He needs sleep and clearly isn't able to regulate his bedtime otherwise he wouldn't be on his phone all night and unable get up in the mornings/ tired and snappy.

I have a big group of friends and actually 10 pm was one of the later bedtimes according to them.

I think 10pm is fine for a 15yr old-I go to bed then and am in my 40's!

But did you talk to him or just lay down the law?

Doesn't sound like a two-way chat OP, more like a lecture!

Ok if you say so!

But did you talk to him or just lay down the law?

Yes we did talk, I don't know why you presume I lectured?

Who is paying for his phone use on this second phone? I'd want to be sure nothing dodgy going on.

Do you remember being a teenager though dragons. It is their job in life to try and stay up as late as possible and then get out of bed as late as possible. That's what they do! In my case I was reading till 2am under the covers

I assumed it was from how you wrote it up. You told him what would happen if he did it again. Him expressing his opinion on the matter was him being a "gobby little shite" and it just didn't sound like he had a chance to say how he felt. It sounded one way to me - and what you wrte jere is all I have to go on! Just a feeling I got from how you wrote it

Get a timer for your router so it goes off automatically at night. If you've taken his only phone with a contract/data off him, he won't be able to use other device online

I'm fine with him reading until 2am if he can't sleep just not on his phone.

Grufallo - I pay for his phone SIM and his spare phone is games and apps.

I would switch off wifi at night if you can do that.
Teenagers are really hard work!

*write here

Ha! 'Gobby little shite' was was because he has an answer for EVERYTHING, rolls his eyes , tutts and huffs etc, normal teenage stuff. I ignore all that stuff.

I feel knackered if I go to sleep past 10pm. Everybody is different, but my point was more about the fact that at 15yonthe boy isn't allowed to stay up later if he wants. I relaxed the rules around bedtime a long time ago. Sometimes my 15yo stays up until midnight and other times they are in bed at 9pm. Just like adults, they work it out for themselves.

Dh often has to work late so can't really turn the router off.

Meadows- but he doesn't work it out for himself, he's shattered and can't get up in the mornings. Bed at 10pm 3x a week isn't unreasonable and his dad agrees. He needs sleep if he's doing this much sport.

Both of my 15 year olds are chucked out the lounge at 10ish and ushered towards bed on a school night, don't care about holidays and weekends. Most of their friends are the same. And neither of them can get out of bed on time in the mornings, need waking about 10 times, so they obv need the sleep.

Year 11 isn't the time to start getting slack on gadgets and bedtimes. Happily mine go along with it moreorless, with a bit of cheek and backchat and eye rolling.

I'm fine with back chat and eye rolling, I was master of it as a teen