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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Child maintenance after age 18

27 replies

longcat · 13/10/2016 18:48

Eldest DC turns 18 next year. Not sure yet whether they will be going to uni or doing an apprenticeship, but either way they will continue to need financial support for a few more years. Exh has reliably paid CM but refuses to have any contact with me other than via text re contact arrangements, so I can't have a sensible conversation with him about it. What is reasonable to expect from the non resident parent in financial terms once DC are 18?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 13/10/2016 18:50

If they are in further of higher education....... yes.

If they are doing an apprenticeship then no, they can pay digs from their wages.

reallyanotherone · 13/10/2016 18:53

Once they're out of education (a levels or equivalent) there is no way of forcing cm.

There is nothing you can do to make him pay, unless you agreed as part of your divorce agreement to continue payments.

If he does pay, it would be more usual to give the money directly to your ds, as he is now an adult. You would then treat your ds as another adult in the house re. rent/financial contributions.

AndNowItsSeven · 13/10/2016 18:53

Wages can be as little as £70 a week 19.

lovelybangers · 13/10/2016 18:54

I think it's until they finish school. So that could be after A levels at 18.

DS has just gone to Uni. So his maintenance was ended this August, as did Child Benefit.

milkyface · 13/10/2016 18:54

I think legally your ex won't have to pay anything once alevels are finished and your child turns 18.

Obviously he can continue paying if he wants to, but legally I don't think he has to if 18 yr old is at uni / working / apprenticeship

ThatStewie · 13/10/2016 18:55

If the child is in further education, then the maintenance should be paid directly to the child to help with expenses. Not every father will do so though. If the child has a job/ apprenticeship, then the child should be contributing to the household.

Original poster
longcat · 13/10/2016 19:06

I would be happy if he made a contribution directly to DC, however my feeling is that once he is no longer legally obliged to pay he won't. Just seems unfair as his child will still need supporting to some extent (apprenticeship wages can be v.low as AndNow points out).

OP posts:
lovelybangers · 13/10/2016 19:19

My XP says he can't afford to send DS much as his Cm payments for his other DC will increase now he isn't obliged to pay for DS.

Monthly income for me is now down by approx £500. Sad (no CB, no CM and sending £ to DS to supplement his loan)

milkyface · 13/10/2016 19:21

18 is an adult though really.

I know apprenticeship wages can be shit - I did one. I made about £400 a month, but presumably your son will continue to live with you if he does that?

I get why you want your ex to continue paying child maintenance, if he was contributing directly to your son would you do the same out of interest?

19lottie82 · 13/10/2016 19:22

andnow I'm pretty sure for a first year apprentice the wages are £130 a week minimum and go up with each year.

And also does an NR parent not have to pay up until the age of 20, as long as the child is still in education, inc college or uni?

milkyface · 13/10/2016 19:24

I think it's a level or equivalent, doesn't include uni.

You could end up paying up until about 25 if it did and imo that's just silly!

Original poster
longcat · 13/10/2016 19:28

lovelybangers ouch! That's a big adjustment to make to your budget!

milkyface if DC was living away from home then yes, I would contribute directly. Ideally they would like to house share with others if doing an apprenticeship rather than live at home. So did any of you have a convo with your ex re financial support for DC post 18? Or is it just expected and accepted that it stops once secondary education is over in most cases?

OP posts:
milkyface · 13/10/2016 19:35

I think in that case if you are it's only fair he does! Then again if you have limited contact I'm guessing it's not particularly amicable

I haven't been In this position myself but I suppose all you can do is ask?

Do you know for certain what your ds plans are yet?

Maybe if you could say he is planning on doing xxx and living wherever and earning xxx so I'm going to give him xxxx and I think it would be helpful for ds if you could match it?

wibblewobble8 · 13/10/2016 19:39

Housesharing on first year apprenticeship wages seems wildly optimistic. If your dc stays on in education then ex will still require to pay csa. If not and does apprenticeship, then no csa and you would be within your right to expect dc to pay rent/digs from his apprenticeship wage.

19lottie82 · 13/10/2016 20:32

Milky, yes you're right, NRP isn't obliged to pay after A Levels. I thought it was Uni up to 20 for some reason.

19lottie82 · 13/10/2016 20:37

If the OPs DS did an apprenticeship he would earn apx £700 a month. If Mum and Dad both contributed £100 a month each then that would be enough for a houseshare and to live on easily?

Remember that if he does an apprenticeship, by year 2 he will be 19 and his hourly rate will jump from £3.30 to £5.55 an hour...... so no further assistance would be required.

Likewise if he stayed at home then maybe you could convince NRP to help out for the first year only? Then after that DS could contribute to household bills as his wage would have jumped up apx 70%?

Original poster
longcat · 13/10/2016 20:56

Thanks for all the replies. Yes, if DC starts an apprenticeship and wants to house share, me and DP will help out, as we would have to if they go to uni. I'm not optimistic that exH would agree to contribute at all but I'll definitely ask via email nearer the time. It would be much easier if he would just talk to me about the DC like a normal person!

OP posts:
BlueberrySky · 16/10/2016 10:41

The CSA contacted me to say that now DS has finished his A levels my CM would stop. They backdated the end date to the day of his last exam. I know that exh had told them to do this.

Then DS got fed up with me telling him that if he is not going to university he has to get a job. So moved in with his DF, who then had to support him!

WatchingFromTheWings · 16/10/2016 10:53

I think once they're 18 and have left school and no longer entitled to CMS any financial arrangements should really be between the 'child' and the NRP. I'm NC with my ExH so wouldn't ask for financial help after that anyway. If he feels he'd like to continue to financially support his kids (can't see it happening!) then he can give that directly to them.

JeffersonCrisp · 16/10/2016 10:57

When DSD went to uni we paid the CM straight to her till she left uni (as well as paying her mobile contract and subbing her money ad-hoc).

Her mum (as expected) did tell DSD she had to hand over the CM to her but we told DSD on no uncertain terms was this to happen as she was living away from home and the money was to support her and not her mum.

AndNowItsSeven · 16/10/2016 11:10

Jefferson presumably her mum still needed to maintain a room for the holidays plus all the costs of her holiday keep.

JeffersonCrisp · 16/10/2016 12:44

AndNowItsSeven

why should WE have paid DSD mum to 'maintain a room for the holidays plus all the costs of her holiday' keep at her house????

DSD has always had a room at our house and was free to stay at ours for no expense during her uni holidays.

ffs

AndNowItsSeven · 16/10/2016 16:16

The extra rent only during term time should have gone to her mum, dsd may have preferred to go their in the holidays.
If her mum had to downsize then your dad would have been left with no choice.

AndNowItsSeven · 16/10/2016 16:16

*dsd

Dollyparton3 · 16/10/2016 16:40

Why should the extra rent go to her mum? The law states that once the child is 18 then the non resident parent can support them directly.

If the mum can't then afford to keep the house then she needs to downsize.