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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

So despite having all Summer..

26 replies

SouthWestmom · 05/09/2016 07:53

.. Did left it until yesterday at 3pm to realise she had no school blazers (she is 18) that fit the 'business dress'. This is mainly because they must fit exacting criteria of cool and acceptable. So m and s is no good, nor is Wallis, etc etc
So then this morning despite being told repeatedly that I wanted them to use the catering cards she starts fucking this and fucking that in the kitchen because there's no food and no Evian.
I get told to piss off and then she storms off.

And the worst thing is there are no sanctions I can think of - she's 18! What can I do?

OP posts:
QOD · 05/09/2016 07:54

Go back to bed ☕️

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 05/09/2016 07:54

I would so love to!
But I have to work...

OP posts:
RatOnnaStick · 05/09/2016 07:55

What QOD said. Is she off to school this morning?

RatOnnaStick · 05/09/2016 07:57

Leave her to rage then. And point her at ASOS to order something that fits her criteria. And have a good day at work.

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 05/09/2016 07:58

Yes first day back. They've all gone today, and she's had ALL SUMMER to think about making lunches or buying Blazers

OP posts:
Original poster
SouthWestmom · 05/09/2016 07:59

Is it okay to have her swearing and telling me to piss off? The younger ones will lose all respect for me and I'll have a load of kids just being vile if that's just normal.

OP posts:
neonrainbow · 05/09/2016 07:59

She's an adult. Time for her to take some personal responsibility.

frenchfancy · 05/09/2016 07:59

Do not engage when she is swearing at you. No blazer is her problem not yours.

Once you are ready for work leave the house - even if it means getting coffee on the way.

blueskyinmarch · 05/09/2016 08:00

Well she obviously has blazers that will do and a method of getting food so i would advise saying nothing and ignoring her. Go to work and let her figure it out for herself.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/09/2016 08:02

No, it's not acceptable. Not in this house anyway.

RatOnnaStick · 05/09/2016 08:03

It's not ok for her to be swearing at you but I don't see how you will stop her except by disengaging as you would a toddler tantrum. I have no experience of this age but I would be inclined to ignore her til she's calm later and have an adult chat about expected behaviour, grown up or not.

Pagwatch · 05/09/2016 08:08

Why do you have no sanctions? Is she financially independent? Does she never need lifts, or money or anything. Because she could kiss my arse if she thought I was doing her washing or picking her up or giving her cash for anything until she stopped abusing me.

To be honest I think the ship has sailed. If she's reached 18 thinking it's ok for her to talk to you like that it's quite hard to row that back. I'd try very hard to impress upon her that she should start acting like an adult and stop blaming others for her being idle and disorganised. I certainly would be looking for a blazer that met her standards.

BabooshkaKate · 05/09/2016 08:08

Yeah, have a chat tonight. You won't get through to her whilst she's stressed and in the midst of a tantrum.

mummytime · 05/09/2016 08:09

Well the person in our household who can be most like your DD, does not particularly influence the others to disrespect or swear at me. It more encourage the rest of us to get on quietly with our stuff, keep out of her way and to if she is safely out of the way give each other encouraging smiles. Admittedly my one will apologise later.

There is no point in defending yourself or trying to point out their errors when they are in this kind of mood.
They are anxious.

Mittensonastring · 05/09/2016 08:11

No it's not acceptable but it will happen and its boundary testing on her part. I grew up in absolute fear of my Mother and none of us ever questioned her nor put a foot out of place. Apart from me all my 4 sisters are incredibly meek people and have issues with boundaries.I'm not suggesting it's great she told you to piss off but having known people with genuinely troublesome teens don't sweat it too much. I agree with not engaging just remain calm.

JennyOnAPlate · 05/09/2016 08:13

The swearing is definitely not acceptable. I wouldn't have dared talk to my parents like that.

I would respond to it by docking her allowance (if she has one)/denying lifts/changing the wifi password etc

SoupDragon · 05/09/2016 08:16

Im about to change the wifi password because DS2 told me to fuck off this morning. So you aren't alone!

MuttsNutts · 05/09/2016 08:18

All of what Pagwatch said.

blueskyinmarch · 05/09/2016 08:18

If it is sanctions you are looking for here are some ideas:
Stop doing anything for her (cooking her meals, doing her washing etc). Advise her that until she can treat you with respect you will not be doing anything for her.
Do not give her lifts anywhere or give her money for anything until she calms down and takes responsibility for her own actions.
If she has a car that you pay for advise that you will be cancelling the insurance until she is more respectful and apologetic.
Shut off wifi when you go to bed (if she is anything like my DD who is also 18 she will hate this as we go to sleep much earlier than she does).
Do not engage her in any conversation until she has apologised for her swearing. Make sure she apologises to her siblings to.

Maybe none of this will be helpful but i can’t think of anything else. Good luck.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/09/2016 08:19

I wouldn't have dared talk to my parents like that

I wouldn't (and still don't) speak to anyone like that.

I agree that I would be withdrawing all help until there's a genuine apology. I'd also be switching off her wifi

MuttsNutts · 05/09/2016 08:20

And I am flabbergasted at "Is it okay to have her swearing and telling me to piss off?"

You really don't know the answer to that?

blueskyinmarch · 05/09/2016 08:25

Changing the wifi password is genius. No-one else then has to do without it.

Owllady · 05/09/2016 08:28

Mine told me yesterday none of his school trousers fit and this morning whilst we were waiting for the bus (rural) he tells me he can't find his bus pass. It's as if they live in a different reality where parents are magicians

SoupDragon · 05/09/2016 08:28

What makes the wifi password even better in my case is that I know DS has no mobile data left.

CodyKing · 05/09/2016 08:35

Is it okay to have her swearing and telling me to piss off? The younger ones will lose all respect for me and I'll have a load of kids just being vile if that's just normal.

No they'll learn how to react to a situation - they will see the consequence - mom won't cook wifi lifts etc

Say No to the next 3 things she asks for - it doesn't have to be a set NO X YZ

Wait and see what she wants

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