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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD 13th birthday party - £330 too much for a party...AIBU

50 replies

triathlonmum · 02/09/2016 19:10

My daughter turns 13 soon. She is very sociable and wants a roller skating party. The place we could book now makes you buy food too (used to be able to get exclusive hire of the venue for £150). Minimum is 30 kids at £11 each so £330. I've said this is too much. AIBU?

She is desperate for a big party. Does anyone have any other ideas for a party that would cater for a big gang but would be less than this?

She is v upset about it....

Thanks

OP posts:

TimetohittheroadJack · 02/09/2016 19:15

Don't do food ? Just take drinks and sweets? If they are rollerskating anyway they probably won't want a dinner

123rd · 02/09/2016 19:16

Are there any local council sports centres that you can hire that have skates? Quite a few round here do that. It's would be £45 max , then bring your own food for kids

FeckinCrutches · 02/09/2016 19:16

Can you not afford it? Or can you but don't want to spend the money?

CheeseFlavouredDiscs · 02/09/2016 19:24

Quite often these sorts of places do various rollerskating sessions at the weekend or on weekday evening, calling them a 'Roller Disco' etc. If yours does something like that, then maybe her party could be her group of closest friends attending that session and then going back to yours for pizza and a movie. That's the sort of thing teenagers did when I was growing up (admittedly its a good 10 years ago now!)

You could save a fortune doing it like that.

JustDanceAddict · 03/09/2016 10:37

If you can afford it then do it!

NameChange30 · 03/09/2016 10:41

Does she have any friends with a birthday around the same time? If you did a joint party you could split the cost.

yeOldeTrout · 03/09/2016 22:04

Is it painful/impossible for you to afford this?
Does she get a party every year?
Could you reduce your spend on your actual birthday gift to her?
Could you make it a combined party with someone else to reduce the cost to you?

NancyJoan · 03/09/2016 22:18

Can you make it a joint party? Share with a friend, split the cost?

Honestly, I've spent that more than once for my kids' parties. 30 ish kids, tenner a head, pretty standard. The days of a church hall and a bouncy castle are no more!

Original poster

triathlonmum · 04/09/2016 08:58

Thanks for your views all - she has had a party very year it must admit I was hoping that into the teens it would become smaller parties for a groups close friends. I could afford £330 but it would mean going without other things and I think ere is part of me that feels that spending this much would be spoiling her. I don't want her to miss out socially though. She doesn't want a joint party (and there aren't really any candidates). She is also super emotional about everything (hormones!?) which is making the whole process of trying to reason with her more difficult! I certainly can't afford £330 every year, but she insists that her 13th should be special.... But would it be the same argument for her 14th?? I don't want her to be upset about it but then don't want to set a precedent either... Her sister is having a trampolining party for £150 including food for 15 children.

OP posts:

ayeokthen · 04/09/2016 09:00

Could she have the party but forgo gifts?

ayeokthen · 04/09/2016 09:01

Could she have the party but forgo gifts? That way you're not saying flat out no, but you're also making her understand that what she is asking for is a big thing so compromise on both sides is important.

0hCrepe · 04/09/2016 09:04

Wow I agree that is so expensive!! Way more than rollerskating parties here. There wouldn't be exclusive hire but there would be a private room for food. Can't believe it's £30 a head!!

Meadows76 · 04/09/2016 09:05

Spending that money is spoiling her how? It's supposed to be a treat, so treat her. My 6yo party cost near enough that in soft play :/

Gizlotsmum · 04/09/2016 09:05

How much would you plan to spend on presents? If her sister party was £150 then that is your party spend so she needs to understand that the extra £180 needs to come from somewhere ( although I agree 13th should be special so maybe not the full amount) would she be willing to have less/ cheaper presents to fund it?

phoenix1973 · 04/09/2016 09:06

I guess so long as parents keep paying these ridiculous prices, nothing will change. 🙄
If you can afford it, do it. You could do it without food and take some snacks and drinks if that's a better cost option.
I agree with you, that is a rip off.
The most I spent on DD party was age 5 180 quid.
This year it's about 80 quid at a recording studio. I provide the food.

NapQueen · 04/09/2016 09:06

I'd be saying yes to the party but it is her gift too.

She will get gifts from the party attendees and hopefully extended family so it's not like she won't have actual gifts.

0hCrepe · 04/09/2016 09:06

Sorry seen its a minimum of 30 at £11. That's a huge minimum.

CodyKing · 04/09/2016 09:08

So basically she's told all her friends about a big party and will be embarrassed to turn some away?

This is part of growing up!

Sorry but sociable or not - teens do not have that many close friends - they just want to show off how popular they are

I know if several teens throw big parties and the parents have refused to let them go - so one had only 6 guests !!! Parents paid a fortune as no invites were sent out all word of mouth.

Rethink!!!!

NameChange30 · 04/09/2016 09:12

Instead of getting exclusive hire, why don't you just pay for a group of them to go when it's open to the public? Decide on a number you can afford to pay for (including entrance fee and food... although they wouldn't have to eat there, they could eat somewhere else before or after the skating).

13 is a special birthday but then so is 16, 18 and 21.... And you don't need to spend a fortune (especially not money you can't afford) to make it special.

Why don't you set a total budget for her party and present(s) and give her a few party options (eg low/mid/high) within that budget - make it clear how much (if any) would be left for a present so she can decide what to prioritise. That way she is getting some choice but hopefully will understand the cost/value of what she's asking for.

Nemesia · 04/09/2016 09:13

What sort of gifts do people bring to a teenager's birthday? If it is a tenner in a card then you could say that some of the money she receives for her birthday goes towards the cost of the party.

Nemesia · 04/09/2016 09:15

I also don't think it makes that much difference to her social standing. The buzz of the party only lasts until there is another party. Inviting 30 friends won't really make her more popular than she already is, as she won't really have an opportunity to speak to them all!

Original poster

triathlonmum · 04/09/2016 09:20

Very mixed views here, I guess to be expected! I agree re with parents willing to pay these prices they will keep charging them!! I quite like the idea about present trade off though and may suggest that. We live in an affluent area but I a, a single parent so not in the same financial position as many others. There is constant pressure on having branded clothing, make up etc etc. Obviously I really love her and want her to be happy and fit in socially...

OP posts:

Original poster

triathlonmum · 04/09/2016 09:24

OhCrepe yes it is the huge min number killing it for me! If I could just do 15 that would be fine. She is desperate for the exclusive hire rather than joining a public session!

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 04/09/2016 09:28

She sounds a bit spoiled an demanding tbh. Sorry to say that but I think it's more important for her to learn that treats can be expensive, and expensive things aren't the be all and end all!

NameChange30 · 04/09/2016 09:29

She wants exclusive hire, she doesn't want a joint party... Basically she doesn't want a single compromise that will make it more affordable for you.

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