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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD 13th birthday party - £330 too much for a party...AIBU

50 replies

triathlonmum · 02/09/2016 19:10

My daughter turns 13 soon. She is very sociable and wants a roller skating party. The place we could book now makes you buy food too (used to be able to get exclusive hire of the venue for £150). Minimum is 30 kids at £11 each so £330. I've said this is too much. AIBU?

She is desperate for a big party. Does anyone have any other ideas for a party that would cater for a big gang but would be less than this?

She is v upset about it....

Thanks

OP posts:

imjessie · 04/09/2016 09:29

I had a disco for my daughters 12 th party . It was over£500 . We are well off but not mega rich . She loved it! She knows the value of money though and isn't expecting it every year , she is a very cheap child to keep As she doesn't do any expensive clubs or anything . I wanted to treat her for doing so well at school etc .

yeOldeTrout · 04/09/2016 09:35

I think we spent ~£300 for DD's 13th (also a disco), but she only gets a party every other year.

chocoLit · 04/09/2016 09:40

Holy shit my 13yr old would be told no way. Any seriously? 13th should be special?!? Why?? Is she going to pull the sweet 16th then 18th then 21st crap

Eh no.

Can she afford to pay for some of it herself? Say you'll contribute £150 and she has to earn the rest & no presents etc.

Does she even know that many people she'd want to invite?? DD1 is in a year with 250 first years but we did a tree too ariel thing with 5 of her friends and it was a groupon voucher.

It would be a no from me, even just to make a point regards the emotional blackmail. Sod that.

But I am mean cross mum

LetitiaCropleysCookbook · 04/09/2016 09:41

If it were me, I think I would go ahead with the party she wants, but limit the number of invitees, to keep the cost down. Does she really have to have 30? You say your younger dd is having 15 guests. Why not say that your older dd can have 20 guests. Would that be manageable? Still quite a big party imo!

ayeokthen · 04/09/2016 09:49

The minimum number does seem very excessive. Most places are 10-15 minimum.

NameChange30 · 04/09/2016 09:53

I don't think 30 is an unreasonable number for exclusive hire.

Depends on the venue capacity, of course, but why would they turn away customers for a party of just 10?!

SanityClause · 04/09/2016 09:57

Read the OP, Leticia. The minimum number of guests is 30. If she invited 15 or 20, she would still pay for 30.

It's exclusive hire of a venue, though aye. It's probably based on what they need to make to cover costs.

OSETmum · 04/09/2016 09:58

Put it to her that it's the party and no presents or presents and a smaller party and see what she says.

MaryField · 04/09/2016 10:00

13 is NOT special! Same way 10 is not special because it's 'double figures' and 16 is not special because it's 'sweet'. A whole class party is nice if you have a venue that allows brought in food. It's a rip-off otherwise.

frenchfancy · 04/09/2016 10:07

I agree with AnotherEmma .

Set a budget that you are prepared to spend then get her to choose what she wants to do within that budget.

30 kids sounds like way too many for a teen - they rarely have 30 good friends at that age.

wayway13 · 04/09/2016 10:16

No. No no no. That's an insane amount of money. I had a sleepover for my 13th birthday (and 14th). I had about 7 friends over. My mum rented a video from Blockbuster and we had pizza and sweets. It was brilliant. Big parties are fine when they are little and you can bake a cake and hire a village hall but 30 kids for a 13th at £330? No. I could afford it but I just wouldn't.

sandgrown · 04/09/2016 10:25

I must be old . It seems an awful lot for a 13th party that will swiftly be followed by a 16th ,a prom ( ridiculous American import!), an 18th, 21st and possibly graduation. If the party is so important to your daughter I think she should sacrifice some presents.

anyname123 · 04/09/2016 10:29

Could you get grandparents to pay towards the party as her gift (if they want to / are able to obviously!) And make it very clear to her that there won't be any gifts to open as she's having a big and expensive party instead? This is what we've done in my family in the past and it's worked for us.

bigTillyMint · 04/09/2016 10:33

What sandgrown said!

Round here teens often ask friends to pay/contribute to whatever they are doing - could you say to her that you can only do the 30 teens if they contribute £5? Or pay instead of giving her a present?

LetitiaCropleysCookbook · 04/09/2016 10:34

Read the OP, Leticia.

My bad.

And it's Letitia.

Sadik · 04/09/2016 13:00

TBH I think she's just trying it on I'd tell her your budget (£150 would seem fair, if that's what you're paying for little sister's party), and let her choose what she wants to do.
Round here the norm for young teens seems to be either a trip to cinema / gokarting or the like (maybe 2 carloads of friends, not exclusive hire), or a campout for those with birthdays in the warmer months (dd did this in March. . . !).

FarAwayHills · 04/09/2016 19:32

So if this is the 13th birthday what will be expected for her 16th,18th and 21st.

I personally don't buy into all this. I thought whole class parties ended in reception or y1. Some of DDs friends have had spa days I set a budget and its up to DD to work around this. I basically put it to her that big expensive party = less in the pot for her presents and that usually swings it.

Original poster

triathlonmum · 04/09/2016 21:49

I felt really uncomfortable with the amount of money tbh that's why I posted. And the element of 'expectation'. So thanks for your views, you've confirmed I'm not just out of touch with the cost of parties/the 'done' thing these days! I've spoken to her re present sacrifice at length and now she is erring towards a sleepover party at home so she can have some special presents. i am thinking of maybe getting a beautician over to do them a makeover or similar....

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 04/09/2016 21:51

Sounds like a good outcome, glad you've found a solution you're both happy with

NameChange30 · 04/09/2016 21:52

(Although by the sounds of it, you're going to end up spending just as much on presents and a beautician )

lovelyupnorth · 04/09/2016 21:53

Nuts to spend that much even if you can afford it.

chocoLit · 04/09/2016 21:55

triathalon that sounds like a lovely compromise.

May I suggest a hairdresser? My 13yr old and her friends are obsessed with their hair & putting it up?

As a present we got DD a make up trial at Mac which was amazing. The girl doing it was brilliant with DD and she got £30 worth of make up.

Original poster

triathlonmum · 04/09/2016 21:56

AnotherEmma you're probably right! Sigh....

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 04/09/2016 21:58

How times change... I was so not into make up at 13, although I'm still not into it at 30, so maybe times have nothing to do with it!

Maybe you could get a trainee beautician or hairdresser, they would be cheaper and probably closer in age to the girls.

Willow2016 · 04/09/2016 22:39

For me it would be a 'no way'. I have done bowling, films, meals out with my kids for 'parties' and they take X number of friends and I pay for it. Not bloody 30!

I think the sleepover and presents is a much nicer time anyway.

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