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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Armpit shaving - 13yr old dd

32 replies

Noitsnotteatimeyet · 08/08/2016 21:57

Dd is 13, nearly 14 - quite a late developer as she's not started her periods yet and although she's very tall still has the body shape of a much younger child. She has started getting fairly sparse hair under her armpits but I've noticed that all her friends have started shaving there. Dd's not a very 'grownup' girl and has little interest in fashion or pop culture and has not mentioned it at all. However, her older brother who does notice these things has told me I need to talk to dd about it before someone else does...I'm torn between waiting for her to decide if and when she wants to remove body hair and suggesting she starts shaving as I don't want her to be vulnerable to teasing and I remember only too well how mean some 13/14 year old girls can be... (I do shave leg and armpit hair btw but have always felt a bit annoyed with myself for doing so). WWYD?

OP posts:
donajimena · 08/08/2016 22:02

I don't have girls but I remember being told in gym class 'ugh look at your legs' and lo and behold overnight a big thatch of dark hairs had sprouted.
I went home and got a BIC on them PDQ but I was never teased for having not done so sooner.
in an ideal world I would have noticed and decided for myself but my mum never mentioned it and I am glad she didn't.
I was also a later developer and didn't start periods until I was 14.
Id say nothing for now.

JinRamen · 08/08/2016 22:08

Tell your ds that not every woman shaves their armpits. It is totally natural and it is only society that dictates that it should be hair free. Your dd is her own person and having or not having arm out hair dies not change her or lessen her beauty. Same goes for any body hair.

Don't say anything to your Dd.

0hCrepe · 08/08/2016 22:08

If it were my dd I would tell her about it as an option but say it is her choice.

VimFuego101 · 08/08/2016 22:10

I would get her razors and explain how to use them, then leave it up to her to decide. She may want to do it but be embarrassed to ask.

dementedpixie · 08/08/2016 22:11

I'd mention that there were razors/shaving gel, etc if she ever wanted to shave but don't say that it needs doing. Dd (12) does hers every few weeks when she can be bothered

MephistoMarley · 08/08/2016 22:11

Fuck sake leave her be. If her armpit hair doesn't bother her then why should she remove it? You should have a word with your ds too Hmm

Rainatnight · 08/08/2016 22:14

Yep, DS needs to stop policing his little sister's grooming.

SuperEve · 08/08/2016 22:15

Not giving an answer but don't shavers cause hair to become coarser and grow quicker? I'll be giving my daughter epilator to use or a trimmer as for sure that stop hair from becoming thick! So no shavers imo...
Also, could it be that she might not dare to ask? And maybe you coming to talk about it would make her feel better? It's new to her, she needs her mums guidance.

OliviaStabler · 08/08/2016 22:15

I'd give her the option. She won't be pleased if others tease her and she finds out you said nothing.

ColdAndGloomy · 08/08/2016 22:16

I agree with making razors etc available in case she does want to. My mum never mentioned it to me and I got the impression she would disapprove of me shaving, so until I braved buying stuff for myself I spent a couple of years being embarrassed about it and only choosing tops with sleeves so that no one else would be able to see.

CremeBrulee · 08/08/2016 22:16

DD is 13, she has recently started shaving her underarms. A while ago I explained to her that some people did this and some people didn't. I also told her that when I was a bit older than her, I had tried using disposable razors with no idea what to do an cut myself to ribbons. I then bought a cheap wet/dry electric razor from Boots (think it was about £12) and put it in the bathroom cupboard with some decent shaving foam. I showed her where it was and said that she could use this if and when she felt she wanted to.

Cherylene · 08/08/2016 22:16

Yep - make sure she has the equipment and tell her it is entirely up to her. Tell your ds what jin said, and that it is normal and he had better get used to it. You don't need your brother telling you what to shave!

dementedpixie · 08/08/2016 22:21

And no, shaving doesn't make hair growth faster or thicker. It can blunt the ends and make it look like it's thicker though.

Original poster
Noitsnotteatimeyet · 08/08/2016 22:25

Thanks for the opinions... My worry is that she is or could be bothered by it but is too embarrassed to say anything (she is intensely private). I think I'll tell her it's an option but obviously reiterate that it's entirely her choice. And yes of course I've told ds that it's none of his business - I'm just as aware as any of you that shaving body hair is a societal construct Hmm

OP posts:
Rainatnight · 08/08/2016 22:51

Wellllll, your post did sound like this had all been sparked by your DS's comment that you 'needed' to talk to her... Hmm

Socialaddict · 09/08/2016 10:57

I would wax them for her or take her to get them waxed for the first couple of times. Just buy some wax strips from Boots and it only takes 2 minutes. They grow thinner and slower than shaving. Besides she might injure herself with the razor. I would not use a razor or allow my DD to do so.

MephistoMarley · 09/08/2016 11:52

You'd wax your daughter's delicate armpit skin despite the fact that she's never shown any interest in removing the hair? Why can't we just let teenage girls bodies be?! And what the ever loving fuck do you think she can do with a razor?? Hmm shaving armpits is hardly a dangerous activity.

Mabelface · 09/08/2016 11:55

Leave her be. She'll know about shaving already, it's up to her if and when she wants to. Her body, her choice.

Mabelface · 09/08/2016 11:56

Oh, and she's not particularly a late developer either.

Socialaddict · 09/08/2016 14:15

Memphis yes, I would wax her underarms of course. I had mine done at 14 and did my daughter's at 13 too, no harm done. No need for the nasty remarks, it is a free country, everyone is entitled to an opinion, I believe. She can accidentally cut herself with the razor (they are sharp objects, you know and you shave an awkward shaped area). Waxing leaves the area hair free for up to 3 weeks. Of course, the OP can leave her be to be embarrassed and smell in front of her peers, perhaps this is what you would suggest. Grin

MephistoMarley · 09/08/2016 14:16

Unshaven armpit s don't smell if you're clean and why should she be embarrassed?

Mabelface · 09/08/2016 18:24

Smell? Why would she smell? If that's the case, all men would smell. As for being embarrassed, body hair is bloody normal!

Claraoswald36 · 09/08/2016 18:30

I think you should chat to her and explain her options including doing nothing. Just don't be that mum who won't allow hair removal I recall friends at school who wereht allowed to shave their legs/armpits and the upset that went with it.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 09/08/2016 18:36

You've noticed her friends are shaving under their arms?

DD is 14 and I've never once seen the armpits of any of her friends, never mind whether they shave them or not.

When she was almost 13 she asked me whether I thought she should shave hers or not. I told her it's her body and no one else gets a say in what she does with it. If she wanted to shave she could and I would buy her a razor. If she didn't want to she didn't have to and it had bugger all to do with anyone else. Her Dad (my ex) was there at the time and told me not to push my 'feminist bullshit' onto her. One of the many reasons I'm glad he's the ex.

MrsMushrooms · 09/08/2016 18:42

I think it's very kind of your DS to worry about her being bullied. It IS daft that society pushes people to shave for no real reason but the fact is that it is something girls get teased about. I think I'd go with what other posters have suggested - let her know that if she's ever ready to start shaving there is a spare razor and gel in the cupboard for her and that you'd be happy to talk her through it if she wanted any tips, but that there's no need to do it.