Armpit shaving - 13yr old dd

[Noitsnotteatimeyet]

Dd is 13, nearly 14 - quite a late developer as she's not started her periods yet and although she's very tall still has the body shape of a much younger child. She has started getting fairly sparse hair under her armpits but I've noticed that all her friends have started shaving there. Dd's not a very 'grownup' girl and has little interest in fashion or pop culture and has not mentioned it at all. However, her older brother who does notice these things has told me I need to talk to dd about it before someone else does...I'm torn between waiting for her to decide if and when she wants to remove body hair and suggesting she starts shaving as I don't want her to be vulnerable to teasing and I remember only too well how mean some 13/14 year old girls can be... (I do shave leg and armpit hair btw but have always felt a bit annoyed with myself for doing so). WWYD?

Well she's in a swimming club so it's a bit hard not to notice

I really don't need convincing that it's entirely her choice as to whether or not she removes any body hair but knowing how intensely private she is I would put money on her not really being aware that she has options. My mother refused to let me shave or wear a bra as she said I didn't need to (I was very flat-chested) and I still remember the humiliation of getting changed for PE as the only one still wearing a vest and with hairy armpits. If her brother has noticed (and yes of course it's none of his business and I've told him there will be dire consequences if he says anything to her) then I would be amazed if some of the more streetwise, socially confident girls in her year have too and I don't want to give them any more potential ammunition

Thanks for the range of opinions though - food for thought

But her a razor ... Lots of brilliant safety razors now.

Still pained when at 12 I was called loads of names at swimming!!

I'll not let my DD go through that. Also well done to your DS for protecting the feelings of his sister !

I too think your DS is a star, just looking out for her.

I know it's more noticeable, but my dd had a mono brow, and I decided in the end to offer tweezers, as I noticed that all her friends had become divas overnight once at secondary school. She was like your dd in that she wasnt very trendy or grown up, but you want to protect them don't you, and pre empty any comments.

• pre-empt

Update: I had a chat with dd - I said there was absolutely no need to get rid of any body hair at all but if she did there was a sensitive skin razor for her to use in the bathroom. It turns out she had been wanting to get rid of her armpit hair but was too embarrassed to ask what to do. We both rolled our eyes at the ridiculousness of social conventions about female body hair but we're both glad I broached the subject.

My daughter bought up the subject herself, I got her a lady shave from Boots, around £10 and just said she could use it if she ever felt the need, she does her armpits and legs twice a week as the other girls had started to point out her hairy legs. I feel it is important to 'fit in' in the preteen and teen years, there are years ahead as an adult to do your own thing. I am conscious though, as I was the kid who never had deodorant, nice or enough bras/knickers and enough sanitary protection and I don't ever want her to be like that. It's tricky because some girls will be too embarrassed to bring up these subjects and others are just not interested.

I would never tell her to if she's not bothered but given peer pressure and opprobrium I'd raise it as a topic of conversation 'out of interest at what age do girls start shaving their armpits - do your friends, would you or are you against it, no reason to have to etc...' I talk about all these sorts of things with my kids and their friends. Its very interesting to have a bunch of teen girls explain feminism to you!