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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Tell me about your teens' first relationships

29 replies

pollycazalet · 10/03/2016 12:05

First love is happening in our house with my 16 year old and it's made me interested in first relationships.

How old was your DD/DS? How long did it last? How did it end? Was it serious or a fleeting thing? Would love to hear your experiences.

OP posts:

EricNorthmanSucks · 11/03/2016 06:53

I have twin 16 year olds who have just this year dipped their toes in the world of dating the opposite sex.

It is interesting.

There have been several short lived relationships ( I hesitate to call then that at all) which have fizzled out. Sometimes to the great upset of the boyfriend/ girlfriend. One lad is still pestering DD months later!

Certainly no love in town here. Yet. No prioritising of love life over other things. Yet.

Quityabitchen · 11/03/2016 07:04

My son was 16 when I found a knotted condom floating in the loo. That's when I realised he wasn't my little boy anymore. His girlfriend was 17, and they were together for 2 years before uni took him to the other end of the UK.

My daughter is gay, but at 15, she had an awkward "romance" with a boy in her class, also 15. She told me he kept touching her and she hated it. I asked her where he was touching her, ready with my 'your body, your choice' speech. Turns out the poor lad was trying to hold her hand while they were out walking the dog.
Thankfully she came out shortly afterwards and no more boys were traumatised by her yelling 'get your hands off me, you creep!'

Schoolchauffeur · 11/03/2016 08:10

DD was 16 and it lasted nearly two years. Had its ups and downs but they were mostly besotted with each other. Ended very abruptly when the boy ended it suddenly and with no warning via social media, when they were thousands of miles apart on school trips. DD was distraught and the fallout lasted about 6 months. After a rocky couple of months they developed an uneasy " friendship" online but they've only met once in person since it ended ( a few weeks later), but they no longer have any contact.

DS now 18 has had two girlfriends since being 16 - both relationships lasted only a couple of months. First time he was very upset as the girl ended it and second time he was upset as he ended it as he felt bad for his GF, as she'd been through a lot.

Both of them learnt a lot from the experiences- as did we: mostly " what not to say"!

Original poster

pollycazalet · 11/03/2016 08:53

Oh Eric, one 16 year old feels like enough here! Two must be a challenge!

Eeek re condom in the loo!

My DS and girlfriend seem to be having fun hanging out together - it feels quite intense in terms of texting and the amount of time they are together. It's a whole new area to worry about.

OP posts:

Pandora987 · 11/03/2016 12:47

I'd say if you've got to 16 before first relationship - congratulations! My DD 13 has had " boyfriends" since year 7 , mostly playing minecraft admittedly! But quite a lot of "I love you" texting. But they seem to fizzle out with very little fallout. If we get through to 16 before it becomes serious I'll be ecstatic!

WoodleyPixie · 11/03/2016 13:01

ds1 is now 18 and has been going out with his girlfriend for over a year, shes a year younger than him.

We've had endless problems. Her parents are strict Christians and expect their daughter to follow heir rules, fair enough. Except they don't. There isn't any privacy in our house, he shares a room with his 14yr old brother and there are 5 of us in a small 3 bed semi. So they often go to her house as even though they have similar sized house they only have her at home. They have been caught several times, whilst not actually having sex, oral sex and other acts and things like being in the house alone when the rules are that they aren't allowed to be home alone. The parents have requested that we don't allow them upstairs together, but in our house there are always people around and unless they were going to have sex/oral in front of siblings or us, then its not really an issue.

He did have a girlfriend prior to this one and apparently he had gf that wasn't the type you bring home! I've told him if you don't value someone enough to introduce them to your parents then you shouldn't use them for sex.

ds2 is 14 and doesn't appear to be interested yet, long may that last. Hes far too busy online gaming with his mates from school rather than actually going out.

dreading dd becoming interested in boys, she will be 10 this year and has told me about boy 'crushing' on her in her class.

bigTillyMint · 11/03/2016 17:12

Discounting the "I'm going out with..." in Y7/8, DD was in Y9 when she had her first bf. He was in her tutor group, but almost a year older (and was fully physically mature). It was quite serious, given their age and they broke up after about 6 months because she didn't want what he wanted to do IYSWIM. Afterwards she realised that she wasn't ready for the stuff that goes along with relationships.

She is now 16 and has had a serious (but he laughs a lot!) bf for nearly 6 months. He comes round here a lot (only lives round the corner) and seems lovely. No major problems AFAIK, but he is due to go to uni in September...

mumslife · 12/03/2016 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ticktacktock · 12/03/2016 12:18

Dd 16 just embarking on her first proper relationship. She has asked about contraception so have made her an appt at the local clinic. I am well impressed with her and her boyfriend is just so lovely.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 12/03/2016 12:28

I started "dating" my first boyfriend at 12. Originally holding hands and writing notes in school. By 14 we were meeting in parks at the weekend and texting all the time, at 15 we started going on pizza dates.

We split when I was 16. He was heartbroken. I still feel guilty. It wasn't anything personal, just that we didn't see each other during exams so we could concentrate and I didn't really miss him.

DixieNormas · 12/03/2016 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rogueantimatter · 12/03/2016 16:11

15YO DD went out with a boy who was 17 for 10 months when he broke up with her very unexpectedly. I was relieved it had finished as he had a lot of issues IMO. DD was very upset but soon bounced back.

Love of her life at 17 - bf was also 17 lasted nearly two years. Fairly intense - bf was loved by all the family. I was sad when they broke up though they were definitely incompatible IMO. There was no acrimony but they haven't kept in touch with each other. Through shared interests I've become a friend of ex's mum. We met for coffee the other day.

New love of her life now. She's 19 and he's 23. This feels very different as he's properly an adult. I haven't made up my mind about him yet but DD is clearly besotted.

circular · 12/03/2016 22:23

DD starting going out with a lovely boy at school at 17, first relationship for both of them. Had been together a year when they both went off to different Unis last year, not too far apart. Still together, meeting up every two or three weeks so able to get the most out of their own Uni lives too.
She says she doesn't know if he is her 'forever partner' but can't imagine life without him.

Quite a few of her friends from home started Uni last year 'in a relationship' and most still going strong.

ParochialE9 · 12/03/2016 22:37

Eldest son 21 been with gf since they were both 17 (year 12), previous to that he'd had two other semi serious girlfriends both lasting six months or so. DS2 aged 19 had steady gf from years 8-10, broke up but still friends. Then has been involved with girl with some serious issues (I've posted about her before) but at the moment is single. DD17 had bf from age 15-16 who turned out to be emotionally abusive, very bad news! Has been with present (lovely) bf for about 9 months - he's really restored her self confidence.

ParochialE9 · 12/03/2016 22:47

DS2s girlfriend was year 10-12, not 8-10, doh!

Deedeecupcakes · 12/03/2016 22:48

I'm not a parent, but just wanted to share my own story. I have been with DP since I was 17 and still together 6 years later.
We definitely thought we were only going to last the summer, but we even managed to last me being away for uni for 2 years. Honestly could not imagine myself being with anyone else ever :)

mumslife · 13/03/2016 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 13/03/2016 08:51

1 Dd had the same boyfriend for 2 years early secondary he came out at 19 though they are still friends then she had a peach of 1 at 15 he was an arse i wouldnt trust him as far as i could throw him last i heard he had beaten up the girl he lived with. She got with her now boyfriend for 6 years and hes lovely. Other dd had a bf last year of school he was a year older but he started bothering her by texting all the time and getting upset when she didnt answer so she chucked him her current boyfriend we have not met they are on the same course sheseems quite happy

circular · 13/03/2016 09:25

Should have also shared, married to DH for over 30 years.
Met and started dating at 18.

whatsinaname01 · 13/03/2016 12:33

DS has been with his gf for 5 1/2 yrs. They got together a couple of months after he turned 14. She has just turned 20 and he'll be 20 in the summer.
He's in his 2nd yr of Uni 3 hrs away but they are still together. She is a lovely girl and I think of her as another DD.

DD is 17 and only just ventured into dating. Has a really nice bf she has been seeing since Xmas. It took someone really special to tempt her

PayetisbetterthanOzil · 13/03/2016 21:28

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

pollycazalet · 14/03/2016 11:31

real mix of experiences here.

Circular that's so sweet.

Whatsinaname does it worry you that they got together so young?

OP posts:

mumslife · 16/03/2016 07:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bunbaker · 16/03/2016 07:12

DD was nearly 14 when she had her first boyfriend. He was OK for a while, but a bit gormless. The relationship started fizzling out, but he kept stringing her along. He dumped her very publicly at school, just before Christmas in front of everyone - or rather he got his best friend to tell her he didn't want to go out with her any more. He then started sending her abusive messages on Messenger. One was so bad we took it to his parents who were incensed at their son's behaviour.

The ex BF then started bullying DD at school and went out with a couple more girls who he also treated badly. DD had boyfriend no 2 last year. He was OK and besotted with DD, but she wasn't as interested as him. She now has a lovely boyfriend and, as far as I can tell, this relationship seems to be far more even in that they seem to like each other equally.

MalmseyWhine · 17/03/2016 11:13

DS1 had his first girlfriend in year 10 or maybe 11. They went to different schools but knew each other from primary. They rarely saw each other in person, maybe once a week but spent a lot of time talking on skype.
They both ended up at the same place for sixth form, but I think the expectation to be a proper couple was too much as they split up when they were 17 but remained very close friends. She was a nice girl, and a very positive influence on DS.

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