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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teens having sex - how did you react?

40 replies

Myhairisturninggrey · 06/03/2016 19:36

Dd is nearly 17 and has just started having sex with her bf. They've been friends quite a while but only started going out about a month ago. They know all about being safe etc, we've had that conversation already so that bit is sorted, I hope.

I'm not sure how I feel about it all. How should I deal with it.

OP posts:
NoCapes · 06/03/2016 19:39

Erm, you don't?
She's of legal age, you've had the safe sex talk, what more "dealing with it" could you possibly do?
Confused

Yankeetarts · 06/03/2016 19:42

She's 17 old enough to decide for herself,what do you have to deal with

Original poster
Myhairisturninggrey · 06/03/2016 19:45

I meant sort of accepting in my own head that she's a grown up. It's all new to me.

OP posts:
Wardrobedoors · 06/03/2016 20:07

Well OP I think you just get used to it. When I found out ds was having sex with his gf I was a bitShock. The idea that my little boy was doing this. Of course he wasn't a little boy, only in my head and I was fine about it after a while.
You just have to get used to the fact that she is grown up now.

PingPongBat · 06/03/2016 20:15

That's it wardrobe - in our heads they may still be our little girl or boy, but at 17 you need to trust them & let go. It's really hard, & I think I will be in the same state as you when my DD (14) gets to this stage!

Peebles1 · 06/03/2016 20:16

You'll get used to it. It's great that she's been open with you about it all and you know she's safe and in a nice relationship. DS2 was 16 and I was totally shocked. Thought he was nowhere near that stage (doh!). Then DD was barely 15 - another shock. But both were open about it, safe, in a relationship. I was fine once I got my head round it. I did a lot of reading on here which helped a lot, and read about the lower age of consent in other countries which also helped.
You're lucky she got to 17! Hope you feel ok about it soon.

Original poster
Myhairisturninggrey · 06/03/2016 20:21

Thanks you Peebles, Ping and Wardrobe. Yes I'm sure I'll get used to it and its true, in my head she's a little girl when in reality she's not. And me being an old fuddy duddy doesn't help Grin

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 06/03/2016 20:36

We're old fuddy duddies too Myhair. DH always said 'not under my roof until they're married'. Grin They are both early 20's now.

In reality, DS's 4-year long GF started staying in his room for the last 2 years of their relationship, and the current GF from when she first came home, which was when we first met her.

DD's current BF is the first to automatically stay over in her room.

We have said that BF's/GF's can stay over if we like them, but we wouldn't expect them to disrespect our hospitality by inviting people they have no relationship with (ie. one night stands!) They both have their own homes now, so we don't know everything that goes on - perhaps that's as well!

It's always tough to see your little ones growing up - although I'd prefer they did than have them stuck at home. Smile

wickedwaterwitch · 06/03/2016 20:38

I'm fine with it

I'm happy that they're talking to me about it

G1raffe · 06/03/2016 20:38

I'm reading as I'll find this hard when I get to it!

I was in a religious environment so didn't really consider sex untill I was 21 and teens seem so young to have sex!

OldandHorny · 07/03/2016 08:37

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Mybrainisconfused · 30/03/2016 11:36

I don't know what the hurry is to start a sexual relationship. Fine but just take things slowly. I'm speaking about my own dd here who rushed into having sex not long after she turned 16. That bf lasted about 2 months before she broke it off (never even met him) and now she has a new bf and who knows how long this will last.

MyBreadIsEggy · 30/03/2016 11:41

I remember my dad saying "not under my roof!".....I was 16 when I met my now DH. Sharing a room at weekends - don't know what my dad thought we were up to, but when we got married 3 years later and had a baby 10 months after that I think it clicked Grin I'm now pregnant with DC2 and my dad said to DH the other day that "it's great to be having another grandchild, but I sill don't like the idea of you sleeping with my DD" Hmm

PinkRosie321 · 16/05/2016 18:20

It's definitely a shock at first!! DS was 16 when I found out (found part of a condom wrapper in his roomConfused) but I was pleased that he was being safe at least. He never denied it which made it a lot easier for me to trust that they were taking the necessary precautions. His gf is lovely and we get on well so I have no cause for concern at the minute but obviously every situation is different!!

Zadocthepriest · 23/05/2016 20:00

In our house it just sort of happened. Youngsters were all over 16 with long term relationships. We have a spare reception room with sofa bed for any boy/ girl friend staying over and gradually I would realise that my own child was there too.

I felt honoured that all the couples felt more comfortable at my house than the other parents'

The interesting thing was the discussion between siblings re claim on sofa bed and changing sheets!

Better than my generation..... I was already divorced, in my 30s and my parents came to stay. Mum couldn't work out how she, my new fiance and I were all going to sleep in a 2 bedroom house!

AnstasiaBartAraminta · 30/05/2016 17:04

I would just have the safe sex chat with her, here in the US the legal age is 18 but I'm pretty sure that it's differant in England. If you tell her no it's only going to make her want to do it more.

Cheeseaddicted · 30/05/2016 23:52

anastasia For the majority of the us the age of consent is 16... What part are you from?

JanetRomano · 18/06/2016 23:37

My rules on bf's sleeping over is that they have been together at least six months and I like him. My 15 yr old has just recently hit the six month mark and her bf has been staying here alot. I'm ok with it, they care about each other, she's on bc and her bf even helps around the house.

AndNowItsSeven · 18/06/2016 23:39

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bananapeanut · 19/06/2016 00:02

What a ridiculous comment And owTheresSeven

A 15 year old having safe consenting sex with her boyfriend is not the same as being abused. As someone who has been abused I find that comment highly offensive??!

bananapeanut · 19/06/2016 00:02

AndNowItsSeven*

bananapeanut · 19/06/2016 00:03

You don't even know if the 15 year old is having sex...

AndNowItsSeven · 19/06/2016 00:21

The law is there for a reason a parent allowing a 15 year old to have sex is abusive.

AndNowItsSeven · 19/06/2016 00:22

Well Janet said they are having sex so unless she is lying.

bananapeanut · 19/06/2016 00:26

It's really not abusive?! I had sex at 15 and it was absolutely the right time and wonderful.

When I was raped at 17 it was terrible, but I was "over the age of consent" then I guess?!

And Janet didn't say that they were having sex, just that the boyfriend was staying over

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