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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Clothes for DD

35 replies

linda1756 · 17/02/2016 21:40

My DD's dad (who I admittedly left a long time ago) doesn't pay a satisfactory amount towards my DD's needs per month. He has recently began paying £200 a month (which doesn't reflect the amount he could pay with his income), but my DD has began driving (we alternate with lesson costs, she pays one, I pay the next) but I can't seem to afford everything. After a phone contract and gym membership, I don't feel I have enough. DD does have a job on top of A levels but she has recently asked for a £25 dress for a party and I don't feel that I should have to pay for it when her dad pays bugger all! What do I do?

OP posts:
WilLiAmHerschel · 17/02/2016 21:44

Can you tell her that you can no longer afford to pay for her gym contract and she will have to get her dad to or do so herself? It sounds like you're paying a lot atm, especially as she has a job.

Original poster
linda1756 · 17/02/2016 21:46

I think that's a bit harsh telling her to get her dad to do so... He's never been there for her and hasn't paid a penny towards anything since she was 10, besides maintenance. He was a control freak when we were together when it came to money.
She pays for her clothes, going out and often buys the odd food for the house so I'm not sure where to go with it?

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 17/02/2016 21:49

Is it a case of can't or won't?

Original poster
linda1756 · 17/02/2016 21:51

Sorry, can't or won't do what?Smile

OP posts:
WilLiAmHerschel · 17/02/2016 21:52

I just suggested it as gym isn't essential and a gym membership was, funnily enough, the only contribution my own dad ever made towards my brother. If you can't afford to carry on as you are, something has to give.

I also think she should make do with something she already owns for the party, or borrow a dress from a friend.

RJnomore1 · 17/02/2016 21:53

Can't or won't pay for you. I couldn't with out from the post.

Original poster
linda1756 · 17/02/2016 21:54

She's struggled with weight gain since the stress of exams, making her very emotional about her size so I think it's something I should do for her.
I'll admit, I dont buy her clothes very often and I like to treat her, however it annoys me how her dad doesn't put anything towards it!

OP posts:
Lurkedforever1 · 17/02/2016 21:55

Her dad is clearly a tosser, which means you suck up the flack, end of. Her father paying bugger all is all the more reason you have to pay out more, so your dd doesn't miss out. Fair enough if you can't afford anything, but not on the basis her father should pay. It's not her fault he's a knob.

Original poster
linda1756 · 17/02/2016 21:55

Also I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, I'm sure you understand.

OP posts:
BeaufortBelle · 17/02/2016 21:55

I think it's clothes or driving. The insurance is mind blowing when they are teenagers so I don't really see the pont to be honest if the budget's so tight the lessons are a struggle where will the money for the car/insurance come from?

Original poster
linda1756 · 17/02/2016 21:57

I never mentioned insurance? I alternate paying for lessons, which is £50 a month...

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 17/02/2016 21:58

I don't really think it's about the £25 for the dress it's more about resentment he isn't paying his fair share which is absolutely right but if you can manage it id get it for her. Especially if she doesn't ask for much.

I'd also do my best to keep the gym going if she uses it, teenage girls are the hardest group to get to exercise.

I do appreciate money only goes so far though.

FortyFacedFuckers · 17/02/2016 21:59

Can you give her a budget every month ie £100 if she wants to spend it on clothes then she has to give up gym/phone/driving lesson?

BeaufortBelle · 17/02/2016 21:59

So, how will the insurance be paid then if it's a struggle to pay for the lessons? What's the point of driving lesson if she can't then afford to drive a car?

Original poster
linda1756 · 17/02/2016 22:02

No she's a very good girl, works hard, helps out with her younger brother. It makes me mad that he gets away with not doing anything for her.
Thank you for that RJnomore1, and yes they are a nightmare but that's why I thought the gym may help. She's going twice a week now.
It's so difficult trying to be a good mum and giving her what she both needs and wants.

OP posts:
WilLiAmHerschel · 17/02/2016 22:03

Was this just a general moan about how unfair it is that her father can be such a dick? I completely agree. I don't know how they can live with themselves.

Original poster
linda1756 · 17/02/2016 22:05

We want her to learn so when she eventually gets a car (once back from university) she'll have the experience to beable to drive. My DD wouldn't want us buying her a car or insurance as she understands how expensive it is!

OP posts:
Original poster
linda1756 · 17/02/2016 22:06

We have had endless issues with her father never paying his way. Yes, one might label him a 'dick' (myself included) but this is a genuine issue I have with her father. Due to his lack of maintenance I am unable to provide what I want to for my DD.

OP posts:
WilLiAmHerschel · 17/02/2016 22:07

I think Forty's suggestion of giving her a budget is a really good one. Maybe you give her a set amount out of which she can pay her phone, gym and she can spend what's left on what she likes.

BeaufortBelle · 17/02/2016 22:11

So if she won't be driving fir five years, wouldn't it be more sensible to learn to drive after uni, perhaps when she is working and can afford it. Meanwhile she can have the dress, probably a few dresses.

Honestly we did it when ds was 17, even got a run around. He has driven so rarely I've taken him off the insurance and he'll need refresher lessons when he starts again.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 17/02/2016 22:15

If she's in full time education why haven't you asked for the payment to be looked at?

Lurkedforever1 · 17/02/2016 22:19

Op if you genuinely can't afford it, then of course it's ok not to buy it, and to be resentful of the fact he could afford it. But if you can, then don't let the resentment of him get in the way.

Original poster
linda1756 · 17/02/2016 22:19

I have looked at it, he should be paying £400! However, in the past asking him for more money has caused so many issues!
Do you think she should keep learning till she passes or just stop all together? Thank you for that suggestion. When you're the parent you don't always see all the obvious ways of getting around it!

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 17/02/2016 22:30

Why are you asking him and not going via the correct channels?

Original poster
linda1756 · 17/02/2016 22:31

I have gone to the child maintenance company but I feel guilty in making him give me more.

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