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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Bedrooms are a health hazard? When do they start to tidy up for themselves?

41 replies

Oddoneout63 · 13/02/2016 21:12

DS18 has fetid pot noodles, crisp packets, entire packs of eaten choc biscuits, stinky underwear & sweet wrappers all dumped on his floor;

DS16 has a variant with smelly orange peel, crisps, energy drink cans, all my dinner plates;

DS13 leaves all his clothes, wet towels, sweet wrappers on his floor.

When oh when do they 'get' that it's unhygienic, dangerous & that if they were in a private or council rent, they'd be thrown out for not keeping their flat clean!

Why do think it's ok to keep it like that, even though I ask until I'm blue in the face for them to just take a bin bag up, fill it, put it out?

How long do I wait before I just clear it all myself (thus teaching them that if you wait long enough, a female will do it).

It sickens me to think they feel it's acceptable. I'm one of 3 sisters and we were messy but not downright filthy dirty & living in squalor. It can't just be a 'boy thang' surely?

OP posts:

specialsubject · 13/02/2016 21:24

er....have they always done this?

tell them until filth stops:

turn off the wi-fi.
stop washing services. They can use wet smelly towels and wear dirty clothes
cut off financial support
stop taxi service

give housekeeping lessons.

Original poster

Oddoneout63 · 13/02/2016 21:50

I used to keep their rooms clean & tidy myself, but I'm trying to get them to do their own house work as I got pissed off with friends telling me I shouldn't be doing their tidying for them as they'd never learn to be independent!

I can't find the right balance between them taking responsibility & just cleaning the f'g place myself! What am I doing wrong?

OP posts:

Original poster

Oddoneout63 · 13/02/2016 22:02

To answer your points in turn, special subject:

DH cleverly took out the wifi & we're all connected via Ethernet

I already don't wash clothes if they aren't in the washing bags - they don't seem to care & DS18 will happily wear the same clothes for weeks

They don't spend money as they don't buy make up, pay for haircuts (they have to be dragged to the barbers), go out much

I do take them places but only if there's a genuine reason. We live in town so everything is walking distance

OP posts:

Peebles1 · 14/02/2016 01:24

Hmmm. I'm in no way purporting to be an expert as I'm frequently on here moaning about DD. But - also have 2 DSs so some experience. Would it work to say to them all, every couple of days: right you 3, 5 mins of your time - just scoop up all dirty clothes and put in laundry basket and gather up all dirty crockery/cutlery and plonk in kitchen? Job done, not too much to ask? I must admit I used to give in and do a sweep of my 2 DSs' rooms now and then. DD a bit OCD so not a problem.

Primaryteach87 · 14/02/2016 01:33

Bribery? Or encourage them to get a girlfriend?!

BackforGood · 14/02/2016 18:06

It's not exclusively a boy thing, no.
dd2 is the worst in this house.

To answer your Q - when ds came home from University after his first year, he seemed to have realised that it's easier to pick up as you go along / bring crockery + glasses down / put rubbish in the bin / air your towels etc.

ParochialE9 · 15/02/2016 13:43

DS1 (21) was 100% improved when he came back from Uni having previously kept his room looking like a skip! DS2 (19) is disgusting, only went to Uni for one term then dropped out and it obviously wasn't long enough for him to have changed at all. Floor strewn with plates, pizza boxes, washing. Having a girlfriend made no difference, apparently her room was just as bad! Drives me insane but as he has the loft room I've stopped going up there. DH is threatening to call in a cleaner and charge DS2 which may be the way forward. Thankfully DD17 is the total opposite, her bedroom is immaculate!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/02/2016 13:59

Yep festering pot noodles and crumbs everywhere, I sympathise OP. No answers, but plenty of understanding and sympathy.

RudeElf · 15/02/2016 14:04

Well, at the risk of pride coming before a fall mine are only 10 and 6 but i stand in their way the doorway of their room and point to what needs lifted and say where it needs to go. They grumble sometimes but so far the consequences of no playstation or getting grounded are enough to keep them compliant.

RudeElf · 15/02/2016 14:06

Ahh and both will appear unprompted every other evening or so with whatever cups they've gathered in their room. However i have banned food and drinks upstairs (new house fully carpetted) so that doesnt really happen since we moved.

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2016 14:09

I ask that all plates and cups and food are brought down every evening, and that laundry is placed in the laundry basket (or it won't be washed).

Other than that I shut the door. (14 and 16) They occasionally hoover and dust.

whattodoforthebest2 · 15/02/2016 14:23

DS2 (21) has recently decided to start tidying up his room. Not sure what spurred him into action, but breaking his bed and me refusing to replace it until I could see the floor may have made a difference. He's been sleeping on a mattress on the floor for about 6 months. I've 'helped' him tidy up many times, even DS1 has done it for him, but he's never been bothered about wearing dirty clothes, despite working full-time in a good job.

Possibly his gf has made a difference - she said before Xmas that she wanted him to have a proper bed by Xmas, so he's not doing too badly having tidied up by mid-February! Once he's put the hoover around, I'll start looking for a bed.

helhathnofury · 15/02/2016 16:43

Ds 13 and dd's 11 as bad as each other. They get pocket money if room tidied. Now if we get a collection of cups and plates they have to wash them up.

Badders123 · 15/02/2016 17:16

Um...my 7 year old is capable of putting his dirty clothes in the Laundry bins...
Have they got waste bins in their bedrooms?
We have a no food and drink rule upstairs

LineyReborn · 15/02/2016 17:21

I just had a bit of a rant at DS (17 yrs) and his room is now tidier than it was.

So maybe ranting is the way to go. If they want feeding and wifi.

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2016 17:23

Badders at 7 my two were extremely amenable too.

Badders123 · 15/02/2016 17:24

My 13 does it too.

LineyReborn · 15/02/2016 17:26

I think my DS was pretty good till about 15, and then it changed.

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2016 17:29

I think DS1 did at that age too Badders. He's nearly 17 now, not sure when the change happened. DS2 is 14 and is going the same way.

Baconyum · 15/02/2016 17:30

You've made a rod for your own back by doing it yourself for so long but you said your realise that. As for now:

Ethernet can be disconnected
What little money they have can be cut off
Younger 2 grounded eldest told to shape up or ship out!

What's a 'genuine reason' for taking them places? Cos unless it's school or work no!

RudeElf · 15/02/2016 17:32

I was obsessively neat in my room until i hit about 16/17 and started spending very little time in it. I really only slept in it and stored clothes on the floor. I remember stretching my legs over mounds of clothes to get to the door from the dressing table. I remember my granny shaming me into cleaning it by telling me how much cleaning she was doing at 76

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2016 17:33

I think they are all different. DS2 is out a lot and DS1 is in a lot but somehow their bedrooms look pretty similar.

Always a 'floordrobe' going on.

hufflebottom · 15/02/2016 17:39

My parents told me they had seen the cat take a dead mouse into my room! I never tidied up quicker. It stayed tidy after that, now moved out and my parents have their own back if they stay over.

My db wrecked his room before he moved out, mouldy walls and food on the floor. My parents tidied it and charged him the cost to clean and redecorate

Badders123 · 15/02/2016 18:12

I was always neat but my sister was horrendous...used tampons on the floor the works. Disgusting.

Original poster

Oddoneout63 · 15/02/2016 18:58

Badders123: wish I hadn't seen your post just as I'm thinking about dinner.

OP posts:

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