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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Does anyone else think that this is inappropriate?

32 replies

QueenofQuirkiness · 28/01/2016 21:22

Dd14 plays the oboe in her school orchestra, with 3 boys and another girl. There are 2 oboe teachers at the school, one teaches my DD and the other teaches the older girl and one of the boys, the other two do not take lessons. The other girl is 16 years old and in the sixth form, and her and my DD have somewhat of a 'big sister little sister' friendship.
However, what is concerning me is that my DD has told me that this girl is very close with her oboe teacher, close as in she is Instagram and Facebook friends with him, and has his snapchat. DD has seen the girl snapchat selfies to the teacher...the girl also refers to the teacher by his first name and talks about how good and nice he is a lot.
The teacher is a peripatetic teacher and DD thinks he is in his mid 20s, and to top it off DD told me that this teacher helps out with the oboes in the orchestra, and the older girl lay her head on his shoulder for a few seconds when she was complaining about the difficulty of the piece. The older girl seems to think this behaviour is normal, so is this just me and my DD overreacting or does it sound weird to you?
I should add that my DD is reluctant to say anything as she sees this girl as a bit of a role model and wants to keep a friendship with her

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Siolence · 28/01/2016 21:29

Report to school child protection officer. It's inappropriate for him to have social media contact with her.

saoirse31 · 28/01/2016 22:29

Agree social media inappropriate. First name tho, all teachers in my Ds secondary school go by first names.

fastdaytears · 28/01/2016 22:32

I think I called peripatetic music teachers by their first names. Is that weird?

The social media thing isn't right though and should be raised. I assume that peripatetic teachers are covered by the policies of the schools they work in

I did the oboe too (not very well...) God choice!

fastdaytears · 28/01/2016 22:32

Good choice even. God did not have anything to do with it.

BackforGood · 28/01/2016 22:37

It's inappropriate. The peri teacher is in a "Position of Trust" and, as such should keep a professional 'distance' and certainly not be on any social media with a pupil from any school he teaches at. You need to report it to the DSP at the school.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 28/01/2016 22:39

Most schools aren't that happy about staff even having fb accounts, being friends with a pupil is a definite no no.

Original poster
QueenofQuirkiness · 29/01/2016 16:03

Good to know that it's not just me overreacting, first name not a problem IMO it's just the fact she has social media contact with him and has lain her head on him Hmm and DD said that the teacher made no effort to make her move.
Would I just phone the school to report this as I have no clue how school safeguarding works?

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Hiddlesnake · 29/01/2016 16:07

Phone the school and ask to speak to the person in charge of child protection. Do not tell the receptionist what it is regarding, just insist on speaking to the person responsible for CP. This is normally someone in Senior Management.

Original poster
QueenofQuirkiness · 29/01/2016 20:41

Thanks, I will phone the school on Monday. Does anyone know what sort of action will be taken as DD is very concerned that he will be fired and it will 'all be my fault'

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lljkk · 29/01/2016 20:46

well of course he could be fired. Or nothing at all may change. Once you report, the consequences are very much out of your hands.

BackforGood · 29/01/2016 23:05

....but if he were fired, it still wouldn't be your dd's fault. He will be judged on his actions, not on who knows about them. Can you remind her of that?

SpoonfulOfJam · 30/01/2016 06:37

The IT dept where I work regularly monitor social media. Very easy for you to remain anonymous as social media are ultimately public spaces. Don't be concerned with repercussions for you, continue to direct your concern towards the girls well being.

claraschu · 30/01/2016 07:13

Music teachers can be hugely important and influential to children. Quite often, this is the only adult who spends regular 1 to 1 time with a child, focusing on a special project which is significant and meaningful to both of them.

If the teacher is fairly young and a little naive, he might think it's ok to be friends on social media with a student. Music teachers who are on informal friendly terms with students can create an oasis for kids who are stuck in a pretty impersonal education system.

I would talk to whoever is in charge of arranging music lessons in the school. I would explain about the social media issue and ask for the music dept to tell the teacher that he can't have social media contact with kids. I wouldn't want to start reporting to child protection because it is likely that the teacher is being a bit naive and just needs a reminder.

My son, who is at a specialist music school, has at least three of his music teachers as FB friends, I think. He certainly has called all of them by their first names. there is absolutely nothing sinister about this.

Original poster
QueenofQuirkiness · 30/01/2016 11:08

I do think that a part of it (FB friends) might just be him not realising that it's not allowed and just being friendly, but the fact that she's sending him snapchat selfies and laying her head on him just sounds like overstepping a boundary.
I don't think he intends to be inappropriate, but he doesn't make any effort to stop this girl making contact with him and that's where the problem lies, as she's a sixth former and is probably enjoying being one of the 'older ones' in the school and is getting a bit carried away.

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MrsJayy · 30/01/2016 11:13

What is a peripractic teacher ? It still sounds inapropriate this guy has a duty of care while he is teaching snap chat and all the rest is crossing tge boundries even if she is 16. Glad you are contacting the school

MrsJayy · 30/01/2016 11:15

He might know exactly what he is doing teachers and school staff know not to add kids on facebook while they are at school.

Siolence · 30/01/2016 11:19

If you choose a different route to report it should be raised to Child Protection anyway.

All people who are in a position of authority over children have a duty of care and that includes maintaining the professional boundary between adult and child.

What you have described breaches that boundary and he should have reported it himself. The fact that he is not putting any measures in place to prevent it is exactly why it needs to be escalated.

dodobookends · 30/01/2016 11:20

Mrs Jayy - a peripatetic teacher is one who isn't a full-time member of the teaching staff, but only comes in to teach specific lessons, usually at a number of schools in a district. It is fairly common with music teachers.

MrsJayy · 30/01/2016 11:24

Ah ok never seen that word before when dds did lessons at school was just mrs x came in Blush Still he isnt her pal he is her teacher. Dds have teachers as fb friends but that was only when they had left.

BertrandRussell · 30/01/2016 11:25

Report him. And don't tell your dd you've done it.

Creatureofthenight · 30/01/2016 11:25

Definitely report to CPO as he needs some refresher safeguarding training pronto.
He's likely just young and a bit naive, but he's not behaving appropriately in regards to social media and is leaving himself in a vulnerable position.
Calling instrumental teachers by their first name is totally normal, though.

Scarydinosaurs · 30/01/2016 11:31

He would 100% know that he cannot do those things.

Definitely report him, tell your DD to not worry, it's anonymous.

BertrandRussell · 30/01/2016 12:24

"He's likely just young and a bit naive"

No. He is incredibly unprofessional. Not naive.

MrsJayy · 30/01/2016 13:55

I agree i cant stand this of they are young rubbish he is a professional tutor/teacher he is working with school pupils he knows safeguarding procedures.

Original poster
QueenofQuirkiness · 31/01/2016 13:45

Thanks for all your responses - I have told DD that I am going to report it as it is inappropriate and I want her to know that, but I've told her that it's totally anonymous and no-one will know it is her as she was quite concerned about this

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