Are we being horrible parents?

[BonitaFangita]

Our 15yo gets a fair amount of freedom and we don't have a lot of strict rules. But , one rule is if he want's to sleep over at a friends house he can't just phone us at 9 or 10 o'clock at say 'X said I could stay here tonight'. This has happened about three times in the last two weeks. It's driving me mad!
We've told him, if he tells us before he goes out then we're happy for him to sleep over at least he can pack some clean underwear and a toothbrush. He's just done it again, been over to his mates house to play football and have tea and then called me half an hour ago to say he's sleeping over. I told him no and went to pick him up. He's in his room in a strop now.
So AIBU i'm too much of a wuss to post this in AIBU What are your rules for teenage sleep overs?

DS1 changed schools in Yr8 to one 11 miles away and got a whole new friendship group having been with the same ones since YR.
Now at 6th Form even more people have joined the group. I have never seen half of them.

I would be OK with it. All we insist on is regular communication as to where they are, and no roaming about after dark. Those things are set in stone.

But a spontaneous sleepover is alright. The lack of toothbrush and underwear wouldn't be an issue. When younger, mine would go off on scout camps and come back with all the clean clothes I'd lovingly packed them off with largely untouched. I gave up worrying about it in the end and just chucked them in the bath.

Regarding meals, I do prefer to know, but even then I try not to let it get in the way of something more fun like a spontaneous sleepover or tea at a friend's decided at the last minute. My own parents were incredibly stifling about this sort of thing (well all sorts of things really ) esp mealtimes and me being there for them on the dot even when I was practically an adult living at home. I resented it and try not to be like it.

Are you sure he's with his friends and not sleeping over at his girlfriends?

My DD(14) did this last night, I was very pleased as she can be a bit insular, holed up in the lounge with her gadgets, in PJs with a blanket over her for the most of the day. I want her to socialise more.

I won't say your a horrible parent but I will say don't sweat the small stuff, you know where he is, you haven't said you have reasons to believe he is sneaking off or he is lying about where he is, give him some room to grow. I always say as long as my kids are talking to me and telling me what they are up too then I am happy.

We have a rule that I get the landline number and house address of where he's staying, so if anything goes 'wrong' I'm not a bad parent stood telling the world "I've no idea where he is"....also, the threat of me calling or turning up is also a bit of a sobering thought for DS if he's not being straight with his whereabouts.