I'm worried ive fucked things up between me and her, that Dh has fucked things up, that she's being a drama lama. Probably a combination. She's 14yo and we haven't had any problems with her until this and im at a loss on how to sort it.
there was an "event" which kicked it all off. She was being loud and a bit annoying. Dh told her to calm down, she didn't. He got up and left the room, she followed. He shut the door as he left the room leaving her and me in the sitting room. She tried to open it and he was holding the handle from the other side so she couldn't get out. Up till this point it was all kind of in jest, Dh wasnt pissed off or angry with her but was more messing about.
She exploded, big overreaction. Screeeching and going crazy. Id got a headache and told her to calm down /stop screeching, etc. I got up to open the door as I hadn't realised Dh was holding it (it does stick sometimes). She carried on screeching and I had had enough. I raised my hand towards her in frustration as I passed her. Opened the door and I went out and went upstairs for some peace. At no point was I ever going to hit her but yes I'm not proud I held my hand up as if I was going to slap her. I wasn't even that close to her.
She went to bed soon after. The next morning she was in a bad mood with me (understaement) and as I came in the dining room she kind of flattened herself against the wall and screamed at me that she didn't want me near her. I pointed out if she still felt that by the following day (Saturday) it was going to make our planned weekend away to an event she wanted to go to a bit difficult and we wouldn't be able to go if I couldn't go near her. I left for work.
She was crying at school that day and the HoY rang Dh to say dd had been upset and said Id threatened her and that Dh had locked her in a room. Dh managed to explain that things weren't quite like that.
Dd seemed ok that evening. Me and her went away that weekend, had a nice weekend away. It was an event for her, not me and I put myself out a lot for her, cost me a lot of money. She seemed happy. She did some xmas present shopping inc stuff for me and Dh.
Since Monday she seems to have got worse. Very grumpy. Hasn't spoken a word to Dh all week. Is barely talking to me. Taking herself off to bed without saying goodnight which is unusual.
I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't like living with people who threatened her. I had a good chat to her. I apologised and said that I thought it had been blown out of proportion a bit. But that I shouldn't have done it, that I was never actually going to slap her but that sometimes people get frustrated.
Things are still bad today. We've been to see family and she was ok while there but said to me that she's only being ok as we were with others. She told me today she just wants to be at school, not having to spend two weeks at home. In the car on the way home she wouldn't talk to us. Scowling furiously at Dh when he spoke to her. She's taken herself off to bed without saying goodnight again.
I don't know tomorrow whether to try apoligising again?
Just ignore the situation and not give her any attention over it?
Read her the riot act and say she's got to accept that if she's screaming like a banshee in someone's face and doesn't stop when asked she can't be suprised if she gets a reaction?
I can't cope with the xmas holidays being like this.