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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

my son is 12 nearly 13 arghhhhhhh advise please

85 replies

kt36 · 10/12/2006 18:10

my son is 12 nearly 13 and is driving me mad with his atittude he is rude sulky breaks stuff and has an answer for everything

OP posts:
7swansaswimmingup · 10/12/2006 18:13

got a 12year old the same at the moment! his emotions are really frustrating him so much at the moment that hes having counselling at school

i also read up on adolescence on the net and it said not to mother them as much now they want to be independant, so for thelast weeks ive left ds to sort his room out when he wants too.i close the door to stifle the smell and mess

im also biting my tongue not to answer back to him cause we end up battling constantly.

he informed me today after he got out of the shower that "wow, ive got my first curly pube" and proceeded to show me[fschock]

bless him

Original poster
kt36 · 10/12/2006 19:51

lol sounds like our ds could be twins arghhhhh it a constant battle field i end up in tears most days i try so hard not let him win but it difficult.i keep thinking it must be my fault and im a bad mother

OP posts:
themoon66 · 10/12/2006 22:25

Nooo, you are not a bad mother. I've seen DD through her teenage years (now aged 20) and my DS is now 15. They just need to take a step away from you and not be mothered so much. I know it's horrible for you... no more cuddly little boy... but he is growing up. Be patient and you will start to see glimpses of the old DS coming through in a year or so.

7swansaswimmingup · 11/12/2006 07:08

morning kt36, i logged off as soon as i postage my message last night.

well, my ds has been "good" all weekend. but we had a chat and i reckon it must be likesuffering from pmt. happy/sad/aggressive etc etc.

hes been getting a lot of headaches over the last few weeks when hes "changed", dont know if this could be related to hormones or not?

Original poster
kt36 · 11/12/2006 08:25

hi sevenswansaswimming my son gets lots of bad heads too and i not sure why. took him tp tne doctors and it just the stress of growing up and hormones . paracetamol seems to help him' also he aviods caffiene and e numbers .we have had not too bad a weekend lol have kept hin busy putting up xmas decorations up

OP posts:
fizzbuzz · 11/12/2006 09:58

KT36, know exactly how you feel. Ds is also 12 nearly 13, and seem to be in a constant state of
war with him.

Sometimes I see flashes of the little boy, and sometimes he still calls me mummy, but the rest of the time......

I Had to stand outside very hip teenage skateoard shop on Saturday as I was too embarrassing to go in apparently . Stopped me having to part with any money though.

I know he has to grow up, but it is so wearing, trying to drag him off computer etc. He swore at me the other day which made me furious

Have to say as a teacher Year 8 are generally obnoxious from Chritmas of Y8 to Christmas of Y9, then they start to improve. As year most teachers dislike Y8 more than any other.

Have repeatedly consoled suffering friends with the above info, but keep forgetting to apply it self.

Feel I am having to take a very deep breath to stomach the next year or so.

Also ds has to be forced into shower...

FestiveFrex · 11/12/2006 10:12

Oh I'm waiting for DS1 (12 almost 13 - seem to be a lot of those, don't there?!) to grow out of the not bothering to wash, clean teeth phase, into the can't get him out of the bathroom phase. We've just had another shower installed downstairs, so that we have adequate washing facilities (with 3 boys I suspect we will need them - eventually), but so far it's only me and dh using them, sigh.

DS2 (almost 11 - on Thursday) is similar, except that he has to be forced into the shower as he plays a lot of sports and I'm not putting up with sweat and mud in the house.

I've told DS1 that he will have to start washing his own shirts if he doesn't bother to wash himself as they are a pain to get clean, especially the collars.

No curly pubes as yet as far as I know!

fizzbuzz · 11/12/2006 10:43

Yes FestiveFrex, know all about this very well. ds gets eczema, and pharmacist told him to use aqueous cream in place of soap. (ha ha)Pharmacist was in fits of laughter when i informed him ds doesn't "do" soap.

Also ds has rejected his entire wardrobe as being too babyish. has demanded hoodie with band name on, either Metallica, Korn, Nirvana, or Slipknot. However(get this) he had to ask ME what the bands sounded like! Lol. But of course what do I know?! Pointed out to ds, that when he was 6 he ran and hid behind sofa when Slipknot came on tv. He was not impressed....I however was pmsl

fizzbuzz · 11/12/2006 10:44

Now feel like horrid mother laughing behind ds's back....

7swansaswimmingup · 11/12/2006 11:30

hi all

took ds to the docs and the same as your ds kt36, she said its the stress/hormones of growing up. the paracetomol worked so the headache has gone now.

after catching up on this morning messages i agree about the cleanliness or lack of it should i say. my ds will not wash but smother himself in aftershave and deodrant and spends half his time in the bathroom putting on hairjel and MY hairspray to get his "spikes" just right! ive come to an agreement with him that he showers/baths every other night, especially if hes p.e at school or football on a sunday.

glad im not the only one suffering!

pindy · 11/12/2006 11:37

I've got one of these objects aswell!!! Could we not put them all in a big room, lock the door and go back and collect them next christmas?

7swansaswimmingup · 11/12/2006 11:39

pindy, great idea!!

RTKangaSANTAMummy · 11/12/2006 11:47

Do you have any advice for a mum of a 11/12 year old in year 7?

Is there anything you wish someone had warned you about?

Or any tips to help me in the stage before yours iyswim

7swansaswimmingup · 11/12/2006 12:00

my ds is year 7 and just 12 kanga,his hormones have kicked in early.

advice: give him space (ive only just learnt that!)

dont nag (even its not nagging really,he will think youre nagging!)

dont even bother trying to tell him hes wrong, because in his "grown up" eyes hes always right!

still tell him you love him even if he is being an obnoxious little shit!

RTKangaSANTAMummy · 11/12/2006 12:08

Thanks

fizzbuzz · 11/12/2006 12:25

Teeth cleaning is the worst of all. Have to take ds to orthodontist practically every other month, and have to stand there in silent humiliation as orthodontist has a go about the state of ds's unclean teeth.

Am so sick of this, but unless I stand next to hom and force him to clean is teeth it doesn't happen. Surely at 13, I shouldn't have to supervise teeth cleaning. It is like a constant exhausting battle, and it is all I ever talk about apparently [exhausted emticon]

pindy · 11/12/2006 12:36

I have recently bought a book called:

"Get out of my life - but first take me and Alex into town" by Tony Wolf & Suzanne Franks.

It is great ds is nearly 13 and dd is 14, the book is funny, witty and oh soooooooooo true. The kids have also read bits of it and laugh because on good days they can see it is describing them exactly!!!!!

At least it made me realise they were normal - a little bit of consolation - I think

pindy · 11/12/2006 12:39

Here is the link to Amazon - well worth a read:

Get out of my life

winterpimms · 11/12/2006 13:26

Thanks pindy - i am going to order it now!

Have dd(14) and it is haaaaaaard!

fizzbuzz · 11/12/2006 13:39

Kanga, my advice is to enjoy dc as much as possible in Y7. They are still little then and it doesn't last long after that

Seems to be exactly like Kevin and Perry, when he changes on 13th bday. Ds is 13 on Sunday and can see it coming....

winterpimms · 11/12/2006 13:57

fizzbuzz - I agree. I am making the most of ds year 6, as he is definitely still my little boy.

DD started moving away from me in year 8. She is now in year 9 and she doesn't seem to want to spend any time with her family. I find it really sad

fizzbuzz · 11/12/2006 14:15

So do I winterpimms

wanderingstar · 11/12/2006 14:42

So glad I read this ! Ds1 is 13y 4m (a young y9); interesting what you say fizzbuzz about them being obnoxious at this stage. We're just waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel; it's as if a switch went on the week he turned 13, literally.
So classic, the reluctance to wash (thankfully he doesn't really pong yet, just smells of stale boy). Oh, that's when he hasn't masked the stale schooly smell with pints of hair gel etc.
He's alternately bolshy and snappy, or moody and reclusive, yet sometimes still holds my hand when we're out and about (unless of course the outing is just too boring) - just about taller than me now at 5'5" - but the main saving grace is that he still calls me Mummy...could be worse I suppose.

fizzbuzz · 11/12/2006 14:52

They get nicer in class...don't know about home though....lots of parents at parents evening moan about this. Very charming, articulate boys at school seems to be morose grunting morons at home, or so their parents tell me.

Am dreading next few years......Ds would NEVER hold my hand in public.

Miss my lovely fun cuddly cute little boy very much Why do they have to grow up?

fizzbuzz · 11/12/2006 15:01

Ds pongs to high heaven, feel sorry for anyone who goes near him, and embarrassed that people think it's my fault

Sometimes when I teach Y7 and Y8, the smell of sweaty unwashed little boys is so overwhelming that I feel sick, and have to move away, or open a window, but am sometines trapped in middle of it, which is not nice! Believe me that is the truth, God knows how the P.E. department cope...

Have frequently taught classes I refer to as my "smelly class". So we are not alone with sons who won't wash...The girls on the other hand are the complete opposite and stink to high heaven of deodorant, soap and perfume, and constantly spray it all over themselves. Feel sure some sort of biological weapon could be manufactured from these classes....the smells nearly kill me

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