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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

my son is 12 nearly 13 arghhhhhhh advise please

85 replies

kt36 · 10/12/2006 18:10

my son is 12 nearly 13 and is driving me mad with his atittude he is rude sulky breaks stuff and has an answer for everything

OP posts:
7swansaswimmingup · 12/12/2006 18:15

kt36, glad YOUR ds came in happy. mine stormed in with a face like thunder,stormed upstairs crying and started to go off on one because id tried to cuddle him in a jokey manner. turns out hes ricked his neck at footie today and thats why hes got the hump.

and he hasnt eaten a thing all day because he said he had a headache AGAIN.

paracetomol hasnt helped him but i can hear him chuckling to the simpsons.

themoon66 · 13/12/2006 10:42

Mine does that... comes home having not eaten all day. Then he wonders why he has a terrible headache. I've explained to him too many times about headaches being caused by dehydration and low blood sugar etc. What can you do?

Original poster
kt36 · 16/12/2006 16:06

my ds does that too he doesnt drink all day .also wont eat fruit or yoghurt at school as he say his mates dont so it not cool is anyone elses kiddie like this xxx

OP posts:
StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 04/01/2007 09:21

I've got an idea. Everyone always says how good/polite their teenagers are when they're with other people, so why don't we just swap them amongst other mumsnetters?!

DS2 currently Yr7 - am now dreading next year ...

tigermoth · 09/01/2007 06:02

fizzbizz, So, christmas in Year 8 to christmas in Year 9 is the worst time of all from the teachers point of view. Eek!! You paint a very graphic picture of them. My son is in Year 8 and now it's after christmas so I am worried. Relieved you say in a later message that children of this age are fab, really!

I think my son, in some ways, is on the young side for his age. I have not noticed a huge aversion for the bath as yet. He's never been an easy child at school so I am used to this.

I so hope he does not suddenly grow away and shut himself off around his 13th birthday. My husband says he will, though. He is such an affectionate, cuddly, attention-lapping up and home loving boy, believe me, if he shuns us all and locks himself in his room, the change will be massive.

noddyholder · 09/01/2007 06:40

my ds is 12 and in yr 8 and goes from sweet ok boy to cheeky so and so in minutes.I am trying to step back and let him get on with it because one minute he has a face like thunder and the next he is kissing me!He has a big gang of friends who hang out in our loft a lot of the time and they just want each others company at this age.They are fun aswell though with all their changes and I am quite enjoying seeing him grow up

shosha · 09/01/2007 06:48

Message withdrawn

tigermoth · 09/01/2007 13:39

noddyholder, lucky,lucky you for meeting your son's school friends .

I have never met any of the boys (and girls) my son hangs out with. Not since he started this school in September 2005. He refuses to have school friends back to our home and has never to my knowledge been invited to their homes. He says in his school it is not 'cool' to socialise in each other's houses. I have no way of knowing if this is true or not.

He sees friends from primary school and they still come to our house, but I have no insight into his current school social life. He assures me he has friends in his class, but what they are like is a total mystery.

I sometimes think he might be bigging up our house, making it sound grander than it is and does not want to reveal his humble roots!

noddyholder · 09/01/2007 21:46

Some of ds's friends live in v big houses we don't and they seem to congregate here!I wish they would go elsewhere sometimes but they are a good bunch!BUT they are all sleeping over friday 7 of them and I am dreading it as I am so tired atm but I understand why you would want to meet them

tigermoth · 10/01/2007 07:36

Will you feel like Snow White with the 7 dwarves

I suspect that at some point in the future my son will deem it 'cool' to visit friends' house. When it happens I will be bracing myself for a sudden deluge of guests.

fizzbuzz · 10/01/2007 14:08

Oooooh glad this thread is resurected, where can I start!

Ds informed me he no longer wanted to go to pictures with me, as it was embarrassing. Then said "sorry" and hugged me!

They do get worse from Christmas Y8 to Christams Y9, but think this is more of a pack mentality thing. I am sure individuals are different!
Ds now 13 and has yet not turned into Kevin yet (see my other thread: Are all teenage boys morons?), but veers between being cuddly, and calling me mummy, to peering through his fringe, and shrugging shoulders (grrrr). Still no sign of corrupting and wayward girlfriends though!

noddyholder · 10/01/2007 19:27

It was nearly all off today as my dad gave him a tub of black slime and he threw it all over the bedroom walls which are newly painted as we are selling soon!There are big black marks everywhere so he goes from 2 yr old to teenagr pretty quick.He got told off though and is acting meek and mild and calling me mummy!AAgh!

saffy202 · 10/01/2007 20:50

Hi
I have a ds 13 in Y8 also. He can be moody all day but still HAS to have a kiss at bedtime.

mumblechum · 11/01/2007 11:37

I'm particularly interested in the bit about them socialising outside school.

My ds is 12, and in Year 7 and I've now had 4 different boys round for tea/cinema etc and only 2 return invites. I've been presuming that that's unusual, but maybe in secondary they just don't do that primary thing of forever going to each others houses? My ds is an only child so I've been used to inviting kids round very regularly, and am now wondering if those days are now officially over?

At what age do they start going into town (or whatever) on Sats without any adults?

We're in a rural area with a very wide catchment of about 20 miles.

Any opinions appreciated.

clerkKent · 11/01/2007 12:48

mumblechum, my DS is year 8, age 12 going on 13. In the first term last year, we did not meet any of his new friends. I think it took all of them time to make friends and start to socialize outside school.

But in the Spring term (this time last year), he started to have sleepovers. We held a big birthday party in March, and since then he regularly stays with others or they come here. They all live miles apart, (30-40 minutes by car), so casual get-togethers after school are not possible.

His room is fairly smelly, and looks like a tip, but only he and his friends need to go in there! When they do come round, they play computer games all the time.

mumblechum · 11/01/2007 13:11

Thanks, that's interesting - maybe we should be inviting kids on Saturdays rather than after school, which I suppose would be ok, tho' ideally I like to keep the weekends free for family time.

fizzbuzz · 11/01/2007 13:54

Yes, we have had sleepovers and the like.He has gone into town with friends, but picked up and dropped off by myself.

Year 7 was a bit of a desert for him, as he was growing away from old primary school friends , but appears to have made new friends in Y8, and social life improving.

I think they are all different really...

Whenever I go to town centre, always see loads of my Y9's, but very few Y8's. I guess "independence" must start in Y9

SarahJaneSmith · 11/01/2007 14:15

My eldest son (now 15) hit the hormone-hell barrier at 12yo. Very sadly, his Father died that summer which made life very difficult for a while. I think that the combination of hormone changes, losing his role-model and changing schools knocked the stuffing out of him and he just didn't have the energy to be a rebel as well. His brothers are more than making up for it now though. Joy.

What ever happens with the children though, I have always tried to bear in mind that they need someone safe to be vile too. It can be hard and I sometimes feel steam coming out of my ears but they soon come around again given a safe place to just 'be'.

I do find the assorted smells very horrid.

fizzbuzz · 11/01/2007 14:23

Sarahjane....very sad...big hugs, must have been v hard for you and ds....

Yes assorted smells are very horrid. Don't think I have ever in my life, lain on sofa, raised one buttock, and farted loudly like ds and dss do....this then leads to farting competitions and the stench is unbearable. BUT, when you accuse them of it, they get all narky and huffy....you just can't win.

Am sure girls are not like this...ever....are they?!

mumblechum · 11/01/2007 14:39

Sorry, SarahJane, about your dh. Sounds like you're a fab mum. I know what you mean about the emotional stuff, someone somewhere on here said mums are an emotional shock absorber - that's certainly true in this house - sometimes I almost dread him coming home from school, he always seems to be in a strop about something - grrr.

SarahJaneSmith · 11/01/2007 14:49

That's very kind, thankyou. I think that I just try and do my best for them just like any of us do even though I sometimes want to lock them in the cellar. Some days family life is just a nightmare but on the most part we rub along very nicely.

Please don't feel too despondant for us. We have all adjusted in our own ways. This thread just resonates through me as it reminds me of my first experience of teenaged hormones.

They all still love their cuddles with Mum.

fizzbuzz · 11/01/2007 15:03

Yes they do still seem to like cuddles with mum don't they? Not in public of course!

tigermoth · 11/01/2007 20:11

SarahJaneSmith, you sound like a real cope-er.

So true about boys (and girls) needing you as their shock absorber.

My boy's feet don't smell at all - honestly! But then neither do my husband's - it is very wierd. My younger 7 year old son has smellier feet.

My nearly 13 year old year 8 son would, I think, choose to sometimes hang out with his friends in town on Saturdays, but he's kept quite busy at weekends so the opportunity rarely arises.

He goes to youth drama club on Sat mornings and often has cricket (nets in winter, games in summer) on Sundays. By the time he's done that lot and seen his primary school friends for a few hours, all he wants to do is lay down near the TV or Xbox.

My aim is to keep him busy, (not too busy, but not too idle for boredom and introspection to creep in IFSWIM). There are lots of girls he likes at drama and some cool boys, so he's ok about going and likes sport anyway.

I have a feeling that my cunning 'keeping him busy' plan will not run as smoothly once puberty strikes properly.

snorkle · 11/01/2007 22:03

Message withdrawn

noddyholder · 12/01/2007 16:26

OK wish me luck seven of them staying here tonight!And we have drums!!!!!!!!!!!!!Must be mad.When do they stop having sleepovers because our house is like a drop in centre/hotel atm!