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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Blocking access to social media

90 replies

Bunbaker · 21/11/2015 13:33

DD is in year 11 and has a lot of exams coming up. She seems to be totally incapable of revising without having access social media sites, Putlocker and YouTube.

The problem is that a lot of her revision resources are online. Ideally I would like her to use a laptop, but be able to block access to Facebook, Messenger and YouTube.

I can confiscate her phone and iPad so she can't text, use Snapchat or Instagram, but I can't not let her use the laptop.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
Mylittlelights · 21/11/2015 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoWhite · 21/11/2015 15:37

Is trusting her to revise enough to get the best possible grades, in her own way, not an option?

I highly doubt that a 15/16 year old needs such micromanagement.

FreezePeach · 21/11/2015 16:08

I don't believe control is the way. It will cause huge resentment and she will probably just find other distractions or be sneaky.
Perhaps negotiation would work? I'm not averse to bribery rewarding efforts. Agree some generous treat if you see evidence of her managing her workload / social media in a sensible way?

Original poster
Bunbaker · 21/11/2015 16:13

"Is trusting her to revise enough to get the best possible grades, in her own way, not an option!"

No. Don't you think we haven't tried that already?

"I highly doubt that a 15/16 year old needs such micromanagement."

Ha ha ha ha. You don't know my daughter.

In an ideal world I would love her to just get on with it, but she doesn't - not at all. She needs cajoling and encouragement to do anything remotely concerned with schoolwork.

I spent a couple of weeks not reminding her to do revision/homework and nothing got done, nada. She got 49% in her first maths exam. I encouraged her to revise for the second one and her mark was much higher.

She is academically able, but lazy and unmotivated. When she comes home from school she goes into her room with her Macbook, iPad and phone and chats to friends and watches YoutTube/stuff on Putlocker etc and does no work. When she does finally get down to some work - usually at about 9.30pm she takes a couple of hours to do a 20 minute piece of work because she is incapable of discarding all the distractions.

When I ask her not to go on Messenger she says she won't but she does because I can check on my phone if she is online.

How would you deal with it?

OP posts:
TaliZorah · 21/11/2015 16:16

I'm with the previous posters. Stop micromanaging her. If she fails, she fails and has to resit. Leave her alone.

SoWhite · 21/11/2015 16:18

How would you deal with it?

Leave her to feel the consequences of ineffectual revision.

thedevilinmyshoes · 21/11/2015 16:18

I'd let her fail her exams. Not in a totally hands off way (would offer to help with revision timetables etc) but what sort of education is this?

thedevilinmyshoes · 21/11/2015 16:19

The language you use about her is so sad. Lazy, incapable.

thedevilinmyshoes · 21/11/2015 16:20

But you know her best!

Original poster
Bunbaker · 21/11/2015 16:23

"she fails and has to resit."

They don't do GCSE resits at her school. The 6th form is for A levels only.

If she fails and doesn't get into 6th form she will have to go to the college in town and she doesn't want to go there.

OP posts:
SoWhite · 21/11/2015 16:23

She's gaining no life skills through your current approach.

All of us have to learn how to manage our own desires to procrastinate.

I know you think GCSEs are too important to risk, which is why you are acting in the way.

But you should have encouraged these skills earlier. As such, there is no time like the present to take a step back and let her get on with it without your micromanagement.

It is only going to get worse when it comes to A Levels, and then degree, if you don't do this now.

SoWhite · 21/11/2015 16:25

If she fails and doesn't get into 6th form she will have to go to the college in town and she doesn't want to go there.

That is your motivator.

Remind her of the consequences, and let her process that in the way she feels fit. If the threat of the other college isn't enough, she's only got herself to blame and she's learned an incredibly valuable lesson.

TaliZorah · 21/11/2015 16:25

If she fails and doesn't get into 6th form she will have to go to the college in town and she doesn't want to go there.

So let that happen. It'd be her fault and she'd have to deal with it.

better she do it now than on more important exams.

TaliZorah · 21/11/2015 16:26

Wait aren't GCSEs next May? It's November!

thedevilinmyshoes · 21/11/2015 16:28

the pressure at her age is ridiculous, GCSEs are not that important nor, let's face it, are they easy to fail for students even mildly bright

lljkk · 21/11/2015 16:28

Why do folk blame social media? FFS, it's just people talking to each other & when did talking to people become the mega Big Bad Wolf scary thing of our modern age.

I think MN is social media & as ostracised as this place makes me feel I also need it or something similar as a kind of outlet/support. I know my kids get a lot of social contact and support from online communities.

yet I have a lazytoe rag clever capable yr11 so I understand the frustration (honest). Only I don't have it in me to drive mine. If he doesn't have the ambition or organisation skills to work hard then so be it.

gingerdad · 21/11/2015 16:29

Surely not wanting to resist at college in town would be motivation enough.

My DD in y10 I'm pretty much leaving her to her own devises. Why cause if she fails it's not big deal and I do believe too much pressure has the opposite effect. So micro manage away but if she's not self motivated to do it your pissing in the wind and maybe a year resisting st the college in town is just what she needs to self motivate.

TaliZorah · 21/11/2015 16:30

the pressure at her age is ridiculous, GCSEs are not that important nor, let's face it, are they easy to fail for students even mildly bright

I'm with you on this

gingerdad · 21/11/2015 16:31

For me I concentrate better with back ground noise and other things going on. And my DW couldn't cope that way needs silence. Horses for courses

SoWhite · 21/11/2015 16:31

So micro manage away but if she's not self motivated to do it your pissing in the wind and maybe a year resisting st the college in town is just what she needs to self motivate.

Completely agree. If she is reliant on your approach to get through these very basic exams, you've got a mollycoddled, ineffectual adult coming into the workplace on the other side.

It sounds harsh Bunbaker, but stepping back will really do her a favour in the long run.

Original poster
Bunbaker · 21/11/2015 16:36

"But you should have encouraged these skills earlier."

But I have. Why do people think we haven't tried everything? Procrastination is her middle name.

I need ideas on how she can find some motivation. She is quite bright and academically able, she just needs a bit more motivation that is all.

OP posts:
TaliZorah · 21/11/2015 16:38

She'll get that motivation if you leave her alone.

Why are you worrying about this in November?

errorofjudgement · 21/11/2015 16:39

As the mum of a Y10, I sympathise fully op. Having gone through this twice before, I found there was a massive difference in attitude and maturity between GCSEs and A2s.

Honestly, the best plan we came up with was telling DC straight that we didn't feel they were working/revising well in their room. And insisted they worked downstairs at the kitchen or dining room table with just the laptop and books. No phones or iPads!
Being downstairs meant we were much more likely to spot if they started messing about
They said later (post -GCSE results) that it worked well in that they felt they were more part of the family rather than being upstairs, feeling a bit discouraged, & having easy access to chat with friends or watch you tube

SoWhite · 21/11/2015 16:39

I need ideas on how she can find some motivation.

The motivation is college or sixth form.

Keep reminding her of the consequences, and let her make up her own mind about where she wants to be.

That should be enough if she really doesn't want to go. If it isn't enough, maybe look at your own expectations of her. Is it really her that doesn't want her at the college, or is it you? Wouldn't you rather have a happy DD, than one you've got to constantly make agro for, in order for her to meet your own expectations?

Original poster
Bunbaker · 21/11/2015 16:39

She is doing IGCSE maths in January BTW, but only if she gets a decent grade in the maths exams in three weeks. She wants to get maths out of the way so she won't have to do it in June.

But it sounds like you are right and I will have to let her deal with it herself in her own way.

OP posts: