At the end of the road with dh 15

[HormonalHeap]

Ds 15 has a severe gaming addiction. About to get chucked out of school and kicked dh (his stepdad) in the stomach this morning before trying to throw him down the stairs. His violence has escalated and happens whenever we try and restrict his gaming. He will not see anyone to get help as he thinks the object is to restrict his gaming- the only thing he lives for. Dh and I had an hour with a psychologist who explained to us why this has happened and how he uses it as a means of escape from problems, but without him seeing anyone he can't be helped. I'm terrified that at 15 this is my last chance to stop him beating up some poor woman as an adult and ending up behind bars. Has anyone been through similar or have any experience of addiction in adolescents?

[AnyFucker]

heh

[HormonalHeap]

Mine only hear when it gets to a certain pitch.. which you def wouldn't want to hear. I will be sticking this one out (says bravely) but I'm expecting him to turn nasty at the weekend when he has 'nothing to do'. Lesson learned Ledkr- phone charged next to your bed

[AnyFucker]

Could you plan stuff for the weekend ? Stuff you know he will (yes, reluctantly and with lots of fuss, but still) do

I am not sure if this is against advice you have already had but I would not allow any game time this weekend (unless you have already promised it of course)

[icouldjusteatacroissant]

Could you by any chance go away for the weekend? Or even just one night? Friends/relatives, or if not, just go out. Bond film? Blackpool illuminations?

Doh! I don't even know which country you're in!

[HormonalHeap]

I know how sad this sounds but there is literally nothing else he wants to do. Wasn't planning on letting him have a thing back but there's one thing i'm desperate to get him to agree to (apart from the psyche)- he went away with a group last year and had an amazing time, up 'talking' till 5am and forgot about his screens. There's a reunion coming up, really nice bunch of kids who he's all but lost contact with now.. I'm Desperate, but can always bribe him the following weekend- your right, this weekend I mean business

[AnyFucker]

My thought would be that this weekend is crunch time and the precedent needs to be set. No screens, no matter what. Only my thought, would be best take advice from psychologist.

[icouldjusteatacroissant]

What would he do if you said, right son, on Saturday we're going here, and then we're going there? He's got nothing better to do, so do you think if you left it until Thursday he might reluctantly agree? Reluctantly would do.

[HormonalHeap]

I know you're right AF- I'll just be a laughing stock to him otherwise. To be honest, what's driving me is his dad was an arsehole of the highest order- abusive & violent, once turned up to collect him aged 5 saying: "I don't want you" to him because his hair wasn't gelled back. I've brought my ds up to be kind. But at the back of my mind I'm terrified he'll turn into him. Guess it's our job for a few years to turn out decent people- then it's up to them.

[HormonalHeap]

Icouldjust- thanks for the idea, but he'd just laugh. im having problems getting him as far as the shower at the moment. He's angry with me for removing his screens so there's absolutely no way he'd agree to suggestions like that.

[AnyFucker]

I really feel for you

There but for the grace of god etc...

[icouldjusteatacroissant]

Indeed AF, there but for the grace of God....

Ah well, big deep breaths and good luck for tomorrow hormonal . One day at a time.

[HormonalHeap]

Thanks both xx

[Ledkr]

Dd just pulled a fast one when I forgot the 9pm cut off.
So sge had an extra half an hour but STILL tried it on when asked to get off.
I had to get really stroppy and then she came down, says she feels Ill and starts to boil the kettle/look for tablets!
I sent her up with a metaphorical kick up the arse

[icouldjusteatacroissant]

Ledkr, can you set the WiFi to turn off automatically on your providers server? We have a back up WiFi that takes over when the EE one goes off, that the kids don't have the passwords for.

[HormonalHeap]

Al least she's not short of chutzpah. How old is she? Time for a glass of

[Ledkr]

Wow! icoukd I'm impressed, Id love that!
We are with sky and I rang them a while bacjj and they said I coundbt do it. I looked at the router on the PC and coukdbt see how to do it either.
I'm not hugely computer savvy.

[nightsky010]

Well done on getting him to school yesterday! How was it today?

Pity there's no boarding at school and that he needs A grades to continue at the current school, but as you say, this is more important than exam grades.

Skype consultations with a psych if you can get him to agree?

Sleeping a lot is one of the symptoms of depression.

I wonder if treating the depression AND giving him a hobby could be the best strategy?

How would you / he feel about him taking anti depressants? Could you chat to him and see if the idea appeals to him? Might be a good way of getting him to see the psych?

[HormonalHeap]

Nightsky thanks. To treat his depression will cost thousands (he won't even agree at the moment), along with flying lessons which is the only hobby he wants to do..I'll be sweeping the streets! But yes you're right it is the best strategy. If he needed anti depressants short term I'd be very willing. I wouldn't discuss that with him though until he's been formally diagnosed and they were suggested.

[fusionconfusion]

ADs are tricky enough in teens. Only fluoxetine has proper licensing (Prozac). All SSRIs carry small risk of suicidal thoughts/self harm/aggression in this age range but if things severe, benefit can outweigh risk. They prefer psychological therapies but of course need to get to session to manage this.

It's a hard road x

[tibbysmum]

Ledkr, it's very easy to change the wifi password after 9 and then change it 'back' when you want to allow access to DC.

[nightsky010]

Hormonal
I agree a private Psych would be best for treating the gaming addiction, but I've actually found NHS GP's are pretty decent dealing with depression as they see it so often.

In general, they ask questions to determine if you fulfil the ICD-10 criteria and then offer tablets & therapy (massive waiting list for therapy) if you do. I agree with the PP about her comments on Prozac.

Here are the criteria. How does he measure up?
www.gpnotebook.co.uk/simplepage.cfm?ID=x20091123152205182440

Lesley
Regarding Internet access, with some setups you can specify eg. DC1's iPad can only access the following list of websites. That way DC can't claim they're being prevented from doing homework. Of course, if DC is tech savvy and has money they could just sort out their own internet access though :-(

[nightsky010]

Sorry, last paragraph was for Ledkr. Sodding Autocorrect!

[HormonalHeap]

Thanks Nightsky- nhs gp not for me then as I wouldn't wait for therapy and I wouldn't let my ds take any tablets whatsoever based on him just answering a basic questionnaire, I'd want a therapist closely working with and assessing him first.

[cleo14]

Just a thought hormonalheap, but do you think he's frightened to go to the psyche? And is he aware that his family think he is suffering from depression?

[AnyFucker]

led is this what you need ?