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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Found drugs in DS room.

61 replies

gardenerofdelights · 14/07/2015 12:39

DS, 17, has just gone away for a week. On the side in his bedroom he has left a plastic bag with the remains of some drugs in it. It's probably a 'legal' high. A parcel arrived for him recently so he clearly bought it online. We have a five year old so I'm also furious, in addition to any damage he may be doing to himself, that he would leave something like that lying around.

He is back next week so we have plenty of time to set out our reaction.

I would really appreciate any insights or experiences.

OP posts:
glorious · 14/07/2015 14:49

I'm sorry. No experience here but bumping for you Flowers

Drew64 · 15/07/2015 14:50

I'm probably not the right person to be answering this for you but...

Both my DW and I are 'casual' users of cannabis. We are very discrete about it but our eldest (15) knows we smoke.

Fast forward to Monday...whilst putting socks away my DW smelt grass in his drawer and on investigating further found a joint.

Now, we have not been angry, that would be hypocritical. But we have had a word with him along the lines of;
What it can do to a 'young' brain
If your going to do it do it with people you trust implicitly
Where did you get it from
How it would make him feel, both the good parts and the bad parts
What bad effects on life it can have

It's 2015, the 21st century and things are different from when my wife and I grew up in the 70's and 80's.
We would not stop him from doing anything, this will just drive this sort of thing underground so it's done in secret. I'd rather know what he is up to so we can advise him appropriately. If we don't know we can't advise.

So...my advice....don't blow up, do your research and have an adult conversation with him

Newtobecomingamum · 15/07/2015 22:28

I can't believe the post above... Patents smoking drugs.. Child caught with drugs.. What the hell!! I experimented in my youth and early twenties but would I be taking drugs as a parent.. hell flipping No!!!
Absolutely shocked! Do you think that's normal behaviour and good parenting taking drugs.. Of course your children are going to end up on drugs! Awful parenting!

OP drugs have changed so much since my younger years when I experimented. They are now full of god knows what chemicals and harmful ingredients. I think you come down hard! Print off recent headlines and news stories of all the poor teens that have died (the ones that show pictures their parents have released of them in comas wired up to machines in hospital) I would shock the hell out of him and make him realise how dangerous it is. Also call Frank (Google them) them are drug experts can advice. What ever you do don't let it go.. As you will never forgive yourself not coming down hard or trying everything in your power to stop him ever doing it again if something god forbid happened to him.

Janethegirl · 15/07/2015 22:32

Most kids will experiment and most parents experimented too. To say otherwise would be hypocritical.

My worry would be that the drugs of today are much stronger than any that were around in the 1970s or 1980s and that the parents may not be aware of the greater risks.

Newtobecomingamum · 15/07/2015 22:32

Also the crap ordered from the internet is the worst!! Comes from god knows what country, containing god knows what harmful dangerous lethal chemicals. Even if it's packaged or advertised as coming from uk.. It's mostly likely not. Not trying to scare you... But you and he both need to know how dangerous it is.

Janethegirl · 15/07/2015 22:35

And no, I wouldn't come down hard on my kids as that just drives the drug taking underground. It's much better to discuss it up front providing you listen and don't judge. As long as the kids are willing to talk, they may listen to your pov.

eightdollars · 15/07/2015 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stuckinahole · 15/07/2015 22:37

Just because you take drugs DOES NOT MEAN your kids will take drugs!! FFS do your research .....

eightdollars · 15/07/2015 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

romeomorningwhisky · 15/07/2015 22:40

Going off your head helps no one !

I thought the above response from the non hypocritical parent was fantastic.

Be calm, open up & make sure not to push your kid away.

Legal highs are terrifying, a whole new breed of nightmare as no one actually knows what they are, they're easy to get & cheap.

I have had a real shady past, don't take drugs now & would be so upset if my child did but I would not be hitting the roof & causing them to put up a brick wall!

jollyjester · 15/07/2015 22:41

I have nothing useful to add except that I agree with the point made about having a serious conversion about the dangers and about your 5 year old being under the same roof.

I hate to say it but if they want to do it then they will (I remember my teenage years and smoking / drinking / ocassional joint and my parents were so strict that it made me all the more determined to rebel)

I hope you are ok OP.

stuckinahole · 15/07/2015 22:42

Newtobecomingamum I think you have a hard lesson to learn should your DC ever sadly find themselves in such a position. It's incredibly tough dealing with drugs & DC's, coming down hard on them has the total negative effect - there is huge research into this

Janethegirl · 15/07/2015 22:43

My dh and I drink much more than is sensible. We have a Ds who is teetotal, possibly because of our drinking.

It does not mean because parents did something the kids will automatically copy them!

MadgeMak · 15/07/2015 22:48

Don't listen to the second poster. They mention FRANK, but heir advice is different, do check out their website. Don't be hysterical, be open and truthful. No point scaremongering.

Newtobecomingamum · 15/07/2015 22:54

So you are all condoning is ok for parents to take drugs! I didn't say that all parents taking drugs means that children will.... The poster said their child knew about their drug taking so being a child thinking it's ok for their parents to do it they are doing it too in this case.

Having a nicey conversation about the negatives of taking drugs blah blah isn't going to stop them.. Never stopped me or my friends when our parents had these chats. However, had I had been exposed to the images, stories and what the media had exposed now this would most certainly had stopped me! At the end of the day it's not lies, it's hardcore facts and if this scared the shit out of my child taking drugs again id bloody do it. However, my parenting and the way I raise my children this doesn't meant that they can't approach me about things.., I had am amazing open relationship with my parents talking about EVERYTHING and this is the way I am with my children.

Newtobecomingamum · 15/07/2015 22:57

But when it comes to drug taking, hell yeah I'm going to be hard.. It's not like theft, bunking school etc... They can go to prison, get expelled but at least you will see them again. Taking one drug can end a life!

No1warnedme · 15/07/2015 23:00

I find it interesting how people conveniently forget that alcohol is a drug when discussing these things...Hmm

Also, how alcohol has been proven scientifically as physically and psychologically worse for you than other (illegal, non-taxable) drugs.

MadgeMak · 15/07/2015 23:02

I suggest you read the website you have recommended. They have a different approach to what you suggest.

Janethegirl · 15/07/2015 23:04

If you consider the number of people that take drugs every weekend, if there was a real risk there would be deaths reported every Monday morning.

Statistically it is possibly safer now than ever before. However you can always get a bad batch or have a reaction. But scaremongering to the youngsters ain't going to help. Once they are over 16, you have virtually no control and over 18, it's their choice.

Newtobecomingamum · 15/07/2015 23:05

I didn't say that Frank would suggest my approach. It it a useful site to find out more about drugs etc and said they can help advise. Never once said Frank recommends my views

Janethegirl · 15/07/2015 23:06

I don't condone drug use but as a parent I hope I have a realistic outlook on the issues.

PurpleSwift · 15/07/2015 23:06

I'd be wary of legal highs. Judging from the concern in your post you know legal doesn't = safe, if anything they can be more dangerous as they're stronger because they're not cut with as much shit as the illegal stuff on the street is. I'd tell him it's not okay at all. It wasn't all that lol ago that mephedrone (mcat) was legal and that turned out so badly.

PurpleSwift · 15/07/2015 23:07

It's not only about the deaths Jane. Don't be so ignorant.

Newtobecomingamum · 15/07/2015 23:08

As if the media has time to report every death etc with all the stuff going on in the world.

A death is a death at the end of the day. Real children dying, real parents suffering... That's not scaremongering... It's facts.

Janethegirl · 15/07/2015 23:10

I don't consider myself to be ignorant, but equally I'm not a scaremonger purple.