Found drugs in DS room.

[gardenerofdelights]

DS, 17, has just gone away for a week. On the side in his bedroom he has left a plastic bag with the remains of some drugs in it. It's probably a 'legal' high. A parcel arrived for him recently so he clearly bought it online. We have a five year old so I'm also furious, in addition to any damage he may be doing to himself, that he would leave something like that lying around.

He is back next week so we have plenty of time to set out our reaction.

I would really appreciate any insights or experiences.

sourcing it from the internet is the part that would scare me the most.

yes, drugs are bad etc etc but some of these "legal highs" contain plant fertiliser amongst other things, and so people read "legal" and think it's fine, but actually it's just as bad if not worse than your typical weed etc as there is a mad concoction of stuff going on. I would be having a really frank conversation about it all, but especially that.

Newtobecomingamum

News just in, many parents take much more dangerous substances than a joint of cannabis over the weekend.
Many parents think nothing of getting drunk infront of their children. My children have NEVER seen me drunk.
You just need to wake up and smell the coffee, it's 2015.

As for your advice, well, agreed it is one way and may well shock the 17 year old into never going near drugs again.

come down hard

Print off recent headlines and news stories of all the poor teens that have died

What ever you do don't let it go

trying everything in your power to stop him ever doing it again

It also has an equal chance of driving the OP's son away, driving their drug taking to their friends houses, in the streets, in the local park.
He's 17, a young adult and is unlikely, in my opinion, to take well to a reading of the riot act as advised above.

So OP, there is never a right way or a wrong way to deal with this. There is no manual, you just have to take the best shot at it you can with the advice you have been given and armed with whatever research you have done.
Good luck, hope it goes ok.

OP, I really feel for you - it seems each generation has its own 'drug panic' - back in the 60s, it was 'Reefer Madness' and then in the 80s it was all about Es and how dangerous they were; now 'legal highs' are the new bogeyman. And the problem with all of this is that it's difficult to get accurate information about it because of all the sensationalist headlines and stern-faced debates in Parliament which to my mind anyway are more about social control than anything else.

Take, for instance, the widely quoted figures about deaths from legal highs which has prompted the govt crackdown. Back in 2012 when this was all kicking off, there was a lot of talk about the 'sharp rise' (from 22 to 97) deaths per year from legal highs which of course sounds very shocking. But what was missing from all of the subsequent hand-wringing was the fact that, in the case of two-thirds of those deaths, the substances involved were already illegal and had been for some time. It's very frustrating. Instead of looking at what actually happens and arming people with the right information in order that they can make educated choices, the overriding message just seems to be 'don't take drugs' which doesn't actually help anyone. Drugs are out there. They're not going to go away. And a lot of people, especially young people, will experiment with them.

I would talk to your son and ask him if he knows what he is taking. Once you have a name for it, google it together, get advice from Frank and try to work out what the effects are, what the possible side-effects are - try to find out what you're dealing with. I would also point out to him the problems with buying things off the internet from a faceless anonymous person who you have no comeback to and also the inherent risks, in terms of prosecution and subsequent criminal record, of arranging things in this way. If that packet had been opened at any stage of its journey he would have been in a shit-load of hot water. And of course I would be very very firm that he absolutely cannot leave psychotropic substances lying around the house within easy reach of a younger sibling. Good luck and I hope you find your own way through it.

Drew you can try and justify your drug taking all you want!! You still take drugs and your children have druggies as parents!

At the end of the day a joint isn't going to kill someone you're right (... But we aren't talking about a joint in this case, it's god knows what stuff ordered over the internet labeled legal high (containing god knows what chemicals).

Newtobecomingamum you sound hysterical.

Totally agree with drew News just in, many parents take much more dangerous substances than a joint of cannabis over the weekend and many of us have a measured and sensible. approached to giving advice to our dcs about drug taking.

gardener I would also be furious that he had left the drugs out for a younger sibling to get. I think your ds needs to be pulled up on this, but as to the drug taking, I think an educated discussion as to the danger of obtaining these legal highs. To be honest, even as someone who took recreational drugs a lot in my youth, these scare the shit out of me!

DS's school organised a talk about legal highs. It was given by a woman who had lost her 18 year old daughter to a legal high. Someone gave her a tablet at a party and she died.

OP, if you have found evidence that your son is ordering these, please talk to him about how little is known about what is in the tablets and what the effect of taking it could be.

Newtobecomingamum

Your approach may work, it may shock a young adult of 17 into realising what he is doing. As I said earlier, there is no manual, only the OP knows her son and knows how he would react.

Why you feel the need to criticise our parenting and our lifestyle on this thread is beyond me and if of no use to the OP. I merely explained our situation to the OP to show that we are liberal parents.
May I respectfully suggest that you refrain from such comments in the future and offer your advice to the OP which is what she has posted on here for. Not to listen to you criticising other peoples lifestyles.

Moo - I'm far from hysterical.

I just do not condone drug taking. I think any parents taking any class of drug is bad parenting and not responsible, what type of role model is this for children. Yes there is far worse than smoking joints... But does that make it ok?? No

You don't have to shout and holler to get how serious and dangerous taking drugs are. I certainly wouldn't be shouting and going crazy about it, but I would be hard and firm and show them the hard facts and stories with pictures of what 'could happen' by taking these types of drugs.

Drew

Was responding to points you raised. You are right - I do not wish to high jack OPs thread. Have made my thoughts clear.

I also second Drew's post, very sensible. I'd also say information is the key, for you and your ds. Good luck, my dd is 15 and I'm having similar conversations with her about eating too much junk food. All on the same sliding scale if you ask me.

My parents smoked the odd joint when I was growing up and it had no detrimental affect on me, new. It's about how you handle it.

OP, I was brought up in a liberal family, who outlined the potential dangers of drugs whilst ensuring that there was always honesty about it - we spoke openly about it. Their view was that it could be infinitely more dangerous to create a culture of secrecy, particularly when I was a teenager.

I dabbled as a teenager but don't now. I don't judge other people's way of life though; ultimately your DCs' safety is the primary concern. I'd suggest an open conversation, to encourage honesty.

OP, I think only you are your partner can work out the best way to approach this with your son, so I'm afraid I can't really offer much advice in that respect, but I can't let this go unchallenged:

"If you consider the number of people that take drugs every weekend, if there was a real risk there would be deaths reported every Monday morning."

A couple of points spring to mind:

1. the number of media articles that one person happens to come across first thing on a Monday morning may, surprisingly, not actually be a good indication of how many drug-related deaths there are in this country. Some people don't stick to a strict weekend-drug-taking schedule (selfishly taking drugs during the week instead); the media have their own agenda, which is not always that closely aligned with public health information; sadly, drug-related deaths are perhaps considered commonplace enough that they don't always get reported; families may request that details are kept out of the papers; the law may forbid reporting of the death of it relates to a criminal investigation, etc etc
2. I would have thought this would go without saying, but drugs don't have to induce death to be dangerous
3. the media don't always tell the truth about absolutely everything, nor do they report every non-natural-causes death in the UK as standard
4. your not-very-scientific-media-straw-poll approach doesn't take into consideration people with illnesses such as, for example, drug-induced schizophrenia - when my cousin hanged himself following years battling the above, it strangely didn't make it into the first edition of the Daily Mail but I for one don't think that lets drugs off the hook, to put it mildly.

There's a lot of hysteria, ignorance and confusion over both legal and illegal drugs in this country, and whilst I don't claim to have all the answers or know the right way to deal with kids experimenting with drugs, it is ludicrous to essentially assert that actually, drugs can't be that bad, otherwise it'd be all over the papers.

I'm with Drew on this too.

I don't find the general term "drugs" really helpful. In order to give any kind of advice.

There's a world of difference to smoking some weed or taking heroin!

"New* Shock horror and clutched pearls, that parent smoke a bit of dope, FFS. I agree with Drew a calm talking to is the way forward ranting and raving will get you nowhere. My 15 smokes I hate it but would rahter know what he is up to and keel control.

I would definitely have strong words with him when he returns as to the dangers of legal highs. Yes, most of us experimented in our youth, I did and my daughter has asked me if I tried drugs and I said yes, but only once or twice and it wasn't for me (a bit of a white lie). Drugs are def stronger now, there is more access to legal highs (the internet) so I don't think it's the same as 20-25 years ago. Also, it's not just about dying, it's about it having a permanent affect on your body/brain etc. and leaving them around for a 5 year old to find.

I'm glad that he's not coming back for a week, it will give you time to calm down and clear your head.
I'd recommend just having a frank discussion with him about the dangers of doing drugs not just for himself but for the rest of the family.

Thanks for all your posts.

I am not at all hysterical about it. I have experimented myself.

There are very specific reasons why DS should not take drugs that have to do with his family (clue, that's not us biologically). I have always talked to him calmly about the risks.

My main concern is that he has been buying it over the internet and 'sharing' it with his friends. Also, he has just gone abroad. Did he take some with him?

I need him to understand the risks, so really I would love to hear from anyone who had to have this conversation with their teen and how it went.

We live somewhere absolutely saturated with drugs and I suppose there is some inevitability about it. Lots of kids will try it and nearly all will be fine of course. It's just that in his bio family, they all weren't. This is why it's not just a case of saying, be careful, etc etc .

420 blaze it

To anyone who thinks this isn't a problem.
This is my thread.
My DS started with cannabis in year 9.
OP I wish I had some advice for you.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/2428574-I-have-just-told-my-son-to-leave?

For what it's worth I am so glad I found this post. I had exactly the same thing happen recently but with 17 yr old DD, who shares a bedroom with her 8 yr old sister.

I just had a talk about what it was, how it can have bad mental effects. That I was disappointed but going mad wouldn't stop her from taking things. BUT I was very serious that I didn't want anything like that brought into the house again, because of the danger to her siblings.
Unfortunately I found another empty bag of weed in the garden the other day and she blamed that on her friend, so now I've said any druggy mates are not welcome into the house, EVER!
I've done nothing but worry that I've under reacted, maybe I should have gone mental like my parents would have, but then I think she would just be secretive about who or where she was/with.
Half of me would rather know, the other half of me wishes I didn't.

It feels like the worst thing in the world. But knowing I'm not the only one, helps a bit.

Bless you TuTru. You can only do what you think is best - sounds like you had a sensible conversation.

Newtobeingamum you come across as unpragmatic, illogical and hysterical.

As sensible as you can with a 17 yr old girl.
Thing is I don't think she's listening, she seems to be pushing every boundary she can atm. If I'm honest, I don't know WHAT to do.