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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Sigh, queen bees at it again

117 replies

dingit · 16/06/2015 14:01

I really don't like this girl, she ruined dds 16th back in November but that's another story.
It's now her birthday, there are six in the group of friends, she is going out for pizza, but says she can only afford for five to come. Dd assumes she is the one left out ( she was not invited last year), but they are in general a really nice group of girls, so they have all agreed to chip in £5 so they can all go.
Dd has just received a group message with arrangements, with a bit added on for her telling her she needs to bring £10!
I'm quite happy to give dd for the money for her whole meal, but the arrangement is already leaving a sour taste in my mouth. I can see this all going wrong, dd is already a tired emotional wreck, this will be the end of exams day.
I offered that she comes out with me dh and ds, but she wants to be with her friends.
Should I just butt out and let her deal with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
dingit · 16/06/2015 19:13

Thanks all. Teen, I think her mum has Tesco vouchers, which is why it didn't cover six.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 16/06/2015 22:38

Whew. Did she come to her senses on this herself? Good either way.

ClaireAccessory · 16/06/2015 22:44

She's almost left school so wont last forever, but she should stick it to her and if her other friends are loyal they wont abandon her

Shinyandnew1 · 16/06/2015 22:44

Good. Has she told them she isn't going?

Original poster
dingit · 17/06/2015 07:18

Oh god. It's all back on again. She's been told no one needs take money. I'm assuming QBs mum has got wind of it and stepped in, which is exactly what I would have done. I'm going to give her £5, just in case, and I know the mum and where they live if I need to pay any more, but I'm not having dd bullied at the restaurant .Still not that happy, wish her luck that it all goes well.

OP posts:
TheWordFactory · 17/06/2015 07:54

Just caught up with this dingit.

I think if QB's mum has sorted it out, then your DD should go.

But I would spend the Summer banging on about how good friends behave. How your DD will find loads of new mates in September. Keep looking forward IYSWIM.

Hopefully this will all sort itself in sixth form.

Original poster
dingit · 17/06/2015 08:14

Thanks word, I thought anyone coming back on thread would be saying NO.

I'm sure it will be ok, she knows we are not far away, and QBs mum is going, and she is a lovely lady and won't stand for nonsense.

OP posts:
HSMMaCM · 17/06/2015 08:29

I was going to suggest that you book another table in the restaurant, so she could just leave, but I see QB's mum will be there.

bigTillyMint · 17/06/2015 08:55

It sounds like QB's mum must have got wind of it if she is now not having to pay and mum will be there. It sounds like it will be OK - they will surely be on their best behaviour if mum is thereWink

And I echo what TWF says about how good friends behave. These girls are not behaving like friends, apart from maybe one of them.

longlistofexlovers · 17/06/2015 09:04

I don't think DD should go. Surely, her paying to be there is just pandering to the queen bee? Ie, I will go to my own expense to hang out with you, you are just that cool.

Telling queen bee to shove it would give DD some power back.

HuftysTrain · 17/06/2015 09:14

Christ, it's a shame she's too young to see the bigger picture. Of course she wants to be friends with the cool girls but it's patently clear the birthday girl doesn't consider your DD to be a friend.

Accepting now makes it seem as though it was all about the money when it wasn't. It was about your DD being deliberately snubbed and made to feel like less of a friend than the others in the group. You're all being manipulated now. I'd have encouraged her to stand firm.

Oh well. You have to hope the infatuation dies off one she's out of their clutches.

bigTillyMint · 17/06/2015 09:55

Hufty, these girls don't sound very cool - the mum is going with them to the meal FFS!

IMHE of Y11 girls via DD (and what it was like when I was that age, back in the Dark Ages) they are already set in their cliques and it is very difficult to change - I bet poor Dingit's DD has been stuck with them because of this, even though she probably knows that they aren't really true friends. I can't believe she is infatuated with them, more having to cling on or be completely cast aside. Hopefully this can change at Sixth Form.

JustDanceAddict · 17/06/2015 13:32

Glad she's seen sense. Her friends called her a 'whore'. Disgusting. Hope she makes some real friends next year. Have a great evening!

JustDanceAddict · 17/06/2015 13:34

Just seen she's going now. Hope she's ok. Girl friendship issues can be hideous.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/06/2015 16:11

QBs mum is going, and she is a lovely lady and won't stand for nonsense.

If she's that lovely, can't you ring and have a quick chat with her?

Just chit chat and then ask if everything is sorted now for Friday night (or whenever it is) as DD kept saying she had to bring £10 when everyone else was only paying £5 and you didn't kow what was going on-hee hee, what are girls like etc etc

That will ensure QB's mum knows something is going on.

bigTillyMint · 17/06/2015 16:12

Good idea ShineyWink

teatimeandtantrums · 17/06/2015 16:25

Hopefully it goes well for her op! My dd is the same age and has had horrible friendship problems this past year. At this age girls can be so hideous to one another and I've seen how much it breaks dd's heart when she is the one continuously left out. Their social lives mean so much at this age unfortunately. Her and her "friends" have also arranged to go out to celebrate end of exams on Saturday, so I too can sympathise with the anxiousness surrounding the situation. Hopefully the QB's mum will keep everything in check and ensure that your dd has a good time x

pilates · 17/06/2015 16:46

It seems strange QB's mum is going. It sounds like she wants to keep an eye on them to make sure it runs smoothly. Hope your DD has fun and enjoys her Prom. Let's hope she makes some great friends at college.

ErrolTheDragon · 17/06/2015 20:33

Presumably QBM has some idea that her DD has caused problems in the past, and perhaps wants the opportunity to orchestrate something which models for her how it should be done. If they can behave like civilized human beings for this, it may help the prom go better too.

Littleham · 18/06/2015 11:27

I hope it goes well for your dd (think the meal was tonight?). It would be so great if everyone was kind to her at the end of term.

Wine for you.

Original poster
dingit · 18/06/2015 12:04

Thanks littleham. It's tomorrow, small matter of her physics exam first Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
dingit · 19/06/2015 17:14

If anyone is still reading, Qb is still up to something. She's avoiding all dds messages about the arrangements for tonight.
Dd has asked me to drive her direct to the venue, but I smell trouble, I don't know if I'm just paranoid.
I've told her if it goes wrong she can come out with us, I just hope there's not tears Hmm

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Mintyy · 19/06/2015 17:23

Well I'm sorry but my opinion was always that she shouldn't go. Queen Bee sounds just plain nasty, she clearly didn't want your dd there and it is humiliating that special arrangements have had to be made for her. You should do everything possible to stop your dd from being enthralled to her.

RandomMess · 19/06/2015 17:23

Urgh this is horrific. SadAngry

bigTillyMint · 19/06/2015 17:28

Oh noSad

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