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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

OTT? What's your stance on them opening their school report first?

94 replies

Gymbob · 27/03/2015 12:00

She's 15. I've told her before - the report is addressed to me, you cannot open it. She's done it again, I've just found it open and chucked on the bedroom floor (surprised I saw it amongst all the shit).

She says, what's your problem, everyone opens their report at school.

do tell me, is she right?

OP posts:
janinlondon · 27/03/2015 12:02

Yes they all do..........

Theas18 · 27/03/2015 12:03

Uh. Sorry. It's their report. As far as I'm concerned by 15 they are mostly in charge of their education and they can absolutely open it.

DS school they were given them to check for factual accuracy before they came home. The grades etc were already known.

18yearstooold · 27/03/2015 12:04

What's in it

Dd's school just send a list of grades out

Meow75 · 27/03/2015 12:04

I'm with you, and when I was a teacher I tried to pass this on. I would not allow students to open reports in my presence, had no control afterwards.

Back when I was at school - left in 1992 - I would NEVER have opened a report. As you say, addressed to the parents.

Try giving the school a stock of stamps and ask them to use them for reports. If DD doesn't like being singled out by being the only one not trusted with Pupil Post, she knows the solution.

Bragadocia · 27/03/2015 12:08

I didn't realise kids didn't go throughout them first, with their teacher - that's what happened at the school I went to. Then you took it home to your parents. I can totally understand it would be difficult to resist opening it, and at 15, it should all be out in the open.

Kaekae · 27/03/2015 12:13

At this age I always opened my report, I wanted to be prepared. Grin

Fleurdelise · 27/03/2015 12:16

I get my Ds report by email and then by post addressed to me. He doesn't open it because he doesn't seem to care. He is just asking if it is ok or not.

HattyMonkey · 27/03/2015 12:16

I always opened mine first, it was about me. My dd opens hers first, she always gives it to me without me having to ask good or bad. If she had ever tried to hide/lose one then I would be concerned.Until then i am not worried who sees it first.

Threesoundslikealot · 27/03/2015 12:18

Ours are online and sent with the kids a few days later. We get a crumpled hard copy once DS remembers it's in his bag. He shows zero interest in it so far but is only Yr7.

InfinitySeven · 27/03/2015 12:18

We used to put them in the envelopes at my school - we'd get given the report and the envelope addressed to our parents, read the report, and put it in the envelope.

Then go home, open the envelope and read it again so we knew what to be prepared for!

It's her report. It's about her education. Be pleased that she is interested in it enough to read it, rather than just leaving it at school.

youmakemydreams · 27/03/2015 12:21

We were given ours at school to read before we took them home and that was at a stuffy private school. I'm not sure what will happen with dd's next year when she starts secondary but as long as she gives me it I don't care if she reads it first.

RJnomore · 27/03/2015 12:23

Why on earth would you not want your young adult daughter to be aware of the comments which her teacher was making about her performance? to the teacher up thread, why on earth would you not want the young person to be interested enough to know what you thought of how they were doing?

Why on earth would you want to have a discussion about someone else without them knowing the content, when any action taken on it would be by that third party?

None of that makes any sense at all. If we want our children to take responsibility for their education we need to realise it is THEIR education and support them to be involved.

I would be really disappointed if my own 15 year old hadnt wanted to know how she was doing and was content to mooch about with the report until I got home to look at it. Does the school not notify you reports are due out?

Meow75 · 27/03/2015 12:26

It's not that I don't think the report should be read by the young person. I think it is the right of the parent/carer to read the report first.

AntiquityIsFlaky · 27/03/2015 12:27

Back when I was at school in the late 80's/early 90's we read our reports in class and added our own report on ourselves at the end. ds's primary school does this currently. Always seemed fairly normal to read reports before your parents. I think not giving it to you after she's read it isn't on, but then I don't yet have a teen.

DramaAlpaca · 27/03/2015 12:29

I wouldn't have a problem with DS opening it, tbh, as long as I knew it was on the way - otherwise it would be festering in his school bag for months as he'd forget to give it to me.

It doesn't happen though as ours are posted home addressed to me and I get to the post first, so I always see it before DS.

RJnomore · 27/03/2015 12:31

Why would it not be the right of the person the information is about to have immediate accession the information? It affects them more than anyone else. Sorry but it just seems like a nasty little power trip to say "ok you are permitted to know what I said but only when I say it is ok for you to do so". Especially with secondary age children.

SoupDragon · 27/03/2015 12:35

DSs are emailed to me, thus avoiding the problem entirely. TBH, they know their grades anyway as they get to see them before they are sent.

catsofa · 27/03/2015 12:36

It's addressed to you and she opened your mail? Absolutely not on!

It is indeed her business and I'd've thought the school would give her a copy of her own, don't they do this?

But taking the copy meant for you, and worse still not even giving it to you but leaving it in her own room, is not ok.

titchy · 27/03/2015 12:36

Yep she's right - sorry!

RJnomore · 27/03/2015 12:37

Yes I don't think the issue is reading it - it's the not passing it on surely?

KittensOnAPlane · 27/03/2015 12:37

actually going to disagree with the comments here, surely if you have given her a direct instruction not to open it, then she should not open it.

If she doesnt like it, she discusses with you and gives reasons as to why she feels she should open it and then you decide. Bollocks to her 'rights' etc shes still a child, and therefore should follow your rules.

(based on replies above, i dont think i have a popular view :-) )

Original poster
Gymbob · 27/03/2015 12:38

golly, does it really sound like I'm on a nasty little power trip?

the fact was the envelope was sealed and had my name and address on. I do not open mail addressed to her.

I am obviously really old fashioned too Blush

OP posts:
StayGoldPonyBoy · 27/03/2015 12:40

If I was handed it at school I read it, if it came through the door I didn't. I wasn't bothered and my mum would show me anyway. It was about me, and I already knew how I was doing at school since I was the one going every dayGrin

slicedfinger · 27/03/2015 12:40

I have no problem with the DDs opening their reports first (though they rarely do tbh). I'd have a huge problem if it wasn't handed straight to me when they got home though.

Original poster
Gymbob · 27/03/2015 12:42

also obviously old fashioned in the view that at 15 she should be in charge of her now education. I am a bit Shock at that.

if she was in charge, she wouldn't be at school today. she tried that last night saying there'd be no point going today as its non curriculum anyway

OP posts: