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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

OTT? What's your stance on them opening their school report first?

94 replies

Gymbob · 27/03/2015 12:00

She's 15. I've told her before - the report is addressed to me, you cannot open it. She's done it again, I've just found it open and chucked on the bedroom floor (surprised I saw it amongst all the shit).

She says, what's your problem, everyone opens their report at school.

do tell me, is she right?

OP posts:

MymumisaG · 29/03/2015 12:21

Me too! ?? pick your battles op - why are you getting worked up about something so utterly trivial ....

SallyMcgally · 31/03/2015 01:28

When I was at school I steamed my report open and changed the grades on it (written in ink). I only got caught out once.

BitOfFun · 31/03/2015 01:38

It's addressed to you, but I wouldn't be more than mildly cross- she knows what it is, and that it's all about her. It's not like she's opening your bank statements.

I disagree with the poster who referred to her as your "young adult daughter" though. A young adult is 18, not 15.

tulipbulbs · 24/04/2015 10:15

I always let mine open their reports. They did the work/or not and deserve the reward/responsibility. Then we see it and discuss it. After all at the end of the day, it's their future not ours. We've finished our educations. I think this makes them more personally accountable.

DuelingFanjo · 24/04/2015 10:18

I've never understood why parents feel like they have to read reports first. What does reading them first achieve? Is there some kind of strategy RE their continuing education that can only be played out if the parent gets there first?

It's about them, let them read it.

morethanpotatoprints · 24/04/2015 10:24

We used to open our own reports, the stationers made a killing in liquid paper around report time.
My dc have always opened their reports, usually on the bus home with their mates.
However, not handing it to a parent as soon as they get in is out of order.
I wouldn't have been happy to find it thrown on bedroom floor.

jeee · 24/04/2015 10:30

I'm gobsmacked that so many people consider this a problem. When I was at school (and I'm ancient) I opened my report (addressed to my parents) on the school bus - as did every other pupil.

My mother opened her report as soon as she left the school premises, as did my father.

Mind you, I don't know why teens today have to open their reports as they have normally had to comment on them before they get sent home.

Veh1970 · 25/04/2015 00:57

Whether you are 16 or 60 you do NOT open mail that is NOT addressed to YOU. Your school report or not. It is addressed to the parents for a reason. It's hugely disrespectful and to continue to do it after being asked, several times not to??? No, not on. Yes, there are 'other battles/lessons to learn' but this is basic respect for other people's property and privacy, so, should be high on the list! Soz, old school, here!

Paulo1 · 25/04/2015 10:34

In my children's school they have prior knowledge of the report probably having read a copy then they are asked to address an envelope to me and hand it to me with the report inside I think that's a good policy but opening something that is addressed to you and then not having the courtesy to give it to you is not on
Its about respect

SconessMcFloness · 27/04/2015 21:56

Report was emailed to me this year - problem solved!

mathanxiety · 29/04/2015 06:06

My DCs always got their reports in files to bring home in elementary school, so they always had the first look at them.

In high school we can all log into the automated report system to see what their grades are from week to week and at the end of term we get an email to say how much they need to score in the exam to get an A. Then the final grade for the term is also available online They have access to this separately from me. They actually keep up with it far more than I do.

The DCs are not working for me but for themselves. Their reports reflect their work. Fine with me that they are aware of the contents before I am if they pay attention to what their teachers say about them.

I also let them take a 'mental health day' from time to time and it does them the world of good to just loll around or catch up on long term projects or study or just sleep in til noon. None of them has ever taken the piss wrt a day off here and there.

They are very happy to go to school the rest of the time. They are very diligent about their homework. I don't have to stand over them to make them do it. They like their schools very much, work hard and take ownership and pride in their work.

mathanxiety · 29/04/2015 06:07

They don't open other people's post either..

notquiteruralbliss · 02/05/2015 21:53

I don't read my DCs reports unless invited to. As far as I am concerned, the purpose of the report is to let them know how they are doing in each of the subjects and give them pointers re how to improve.

Veh1970 · 03/05/2015 23:59

Think the issue OP had was the taking and opening of something, when you have repeatedly been asked not to and is that ok?

Fredandbob · 05/05/2015 10:57

I always let my child open their report once they got to 13/14 yrs old. It's their report and their grades etc. The one thing I did ask was to remember to pass it to me when they got home so I could have a look - more like search their bag for it!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/05/2015 11:16

At ds's school all the reports are given to the children to look through before bringing home. I would be cross if a letter addressed to me was opened by ds.

Seeline · 05/05/2015 11:18

We get ours emailed direct to us.
But DS has always gone through it all with his form tutor during the week that it comes home.

sherbetlemonD · 06/05/2015 21:20

To be fair- my parents were lucky even if they saw mine before the teachers showed them at parents evening

but that's what a lack of support gets you

MaybeIAmJustNotReasonable · 10/05/2015 21:10

DD(15) gets hers on a piece of paper and shoves it in the bottom of her bag and pulls it out at end of day. In primary she was a cheeky enterprising little thing and waited until she had just stepped out of the gate to open it
At the end of the day it's their education and they have a right to know how they are doing, they are putting the effort in

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