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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

OTT? What's your stance on them opening their school report first?

94 replies

Gymbob · 27/03/2015 12:00

She's 15. I've told her before - the report is addressed to me, you cannot open it. She's done it again, I've just found it open and chucked on the bedroom floor (surprised I saw it amongst all the shit).

She says, what's your problem, everyone opens their report at school.

do tell me, is she right?

OP posts:

Groovee · 27/03/2015 12:42

Yes both my kids like to open their report.

DianeLockhart · 27/03/2015 12:46

I used to open mine at school. We all did and I don't think they were in sealed envelopes addressed to parents. I would never just throw it on the floor or hide it though and was pretty interested in the contents. Would go straight home and discuss with parents. Then again I was quite a swot as a child!

Don't have children at school but I don't think I'd have any problem with them opening the report as long as they then brought it home, showed me and discussed it.

chemenger · 27/03/2015 12:48

I always opened mine (and I am very old) and my children open theirs. However they always hand them over promptly (as I did).

TheUnwillingNarcheska · 27/03/2015 12:49

Ours come in the post, but the children have a section in the back of their planner that all the teachers fill out with their current grade, their target grade and an actual target ie give more details when concluding science experiments. They have 3 reports a year.

So they already know where they are, the only additional thing on the report sent to us is "on track" and either a Y or N, and if No why aren't they, listed as a code letter for homework or behaviour.

If there were any issues it is in their planner that I have to sign every week.

The major issue for the OP is that the report is addressed to her, and I would take issue with my child opening mail addressed to me. I don't care whether it is about my child and their progress.

Any child who opens it must fear what is written inside

Maliceaforethought · 27/03/2015 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 27/03/2015 18:01

I'm with you OP.
The report is address to me and dh, not them.

That said, my dc tell me that everybody else opens them, but they respect the fact that I don't open their post, so they shouldn't open mine.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 18:06

No of course she shouldn't open anything addressed to your

Our teens school addresses it to them and the parent/carer

CalicoBlue · 27/03/2015 18:17

I have no problem DD opening the report and reading it before me. She knows what to expect. She is usually happy with it and keen to show me.

CalicoBlue · 27/03/2015 18:18

I meant to add that I would not bother getting into a pointless fight with a teenager over this. There are so many things going on. I pick my battles and this would not be one of them.

Ludoole · 27/03/2015 19:28

I have to pick up and sign for my dc's reports on parents evening.
They have usually read them already though as they are shown them in registration.

SauvignonBlanche · 27/03/2015 19:37

I think teenagers should get to see them first. DD was shown hers at school, DS' (17) arrived in the post, addressed to DH and and I. As soon as I saw what it was I passed it to him first.

teacherwith2kids · 27/03/2015 19:37

DS and DD go through their (grade) reports at school in tutor time, then they are sent home to us. It is very much seen, by the school, as part of the 3way school / child / parent partnership - these are your grades, this is why they are as they are, please show them to your parents so that they can play their parrt in your education too.

I can't remember what happens to the - rarer - ones that are full written reports.

Expected that children attend parents' evening meetings too, though my children always seem to be playing school matches on the relevant nights.

They are really, really hot on phioning or e-mailing in between reports, and that is how I would know if there was any kind of issue, or if there was anything a teacher needed to raise with me directly, not from a report.

escondida · 27/03/2015 19:42

There are better battles to fight. That report is about her & her life.
Different if she were actively hiding it and other communication from you.

Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2015 19:42

DS1's (15) comes via email.

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 19:51

I agree with RJ completely. It's their report about them! You should be proud that your daughter is interested!

Awks · 27/03/2015 19:54

I am lol'ing at the concept that you give a 15 year old an instruction and they obey it. Anyway, you abu as she's right, sadly they all do it.

Heyho111 · 27/03/2015 22:44

It's a report about her of course she can open it first. It's good she's interested in what it said. Of course it's dumped on her floor amongst the mess that how teens file stuff. I'm not sure why your upset. If she had binned it or hidden then yes be annoyed. She is at an age where she starts beginning to control her life. In a few months you won't be able to talk to gp about her or get medical test results if she has any. Letting go of the child is hard.

OddBoots · 27/03/2015 22:55

I specifically tell mine that they can read them before I get them. They are the ones putting the work in.

UnsolvedMystery · 27/03/2015 23:05

I want my children to take responsibility for their education, and at 15 & 16, part of that is being interested in the contents of their school reports. Therefore I have no problem with them reading them first, they have never hidden them from me. In fact, it has encouraged them to talk to me about what's inside.
I also don't expect blind obedience from my teenagers, I am happy to discuss and negotiate issues that we disagree on.

Flugdrachen · 27/03/2015 23:18

It honestly wouldn't occur to me that dd (14) shouldn't open her report as soon as she gets it. What harm could it possibly do?

Original poster

Gymbob · 28/03/2015 07:55

the report was addressed to me. it had my name and address on the front. she cannot open my mail. she still hasn't given me it, she says she doesn't know where it is. it was on her bedroom floor, but now has gone. she's not interested.

I received a copy last week anyway so have already read it. it is a good report mostly, apart from not doing homework.

it all boils down to an addiction with social media. homework means less time on it, and physically giving me the report means missing something for a few seconds.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 28/03/2015 08:07

Dd's secondary school gives the unsealed report to the children to read at school before they are sent home.

Her primary school report was always online so she didn't see it til I had.

Doesn't bother me so long as I see it too.

Flipchart · 28/03/2015 08:11

It has never occured to my DS's to open a report.
The letter was addressed to me and their dad.nobody in our house opens letters that aren't for them.

That said they are never fazed by.a report coming home.

Sparklingbrook · 28/03/2015 08:54

Although it comes by email we get a hard copy the same day, DSs read them even though they are addressed to us. They know what's in it anyway.

RJnomore · 28/03/2015 09:48

Ok don't you think you should be dealing with the social media problem rather than getting angry about her looking at her own report? Which you already had?

Your anger seems really misplaced, honestly. I think you have bigger fish to fry.

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