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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Has anyone ejected a 16-17 yr old from their house and refused to have them back?

29 replies

M2GMOJK · 06/06/2014 18:33

Please don't pass judgement or criticise my post. No-one knows what I have been through. I just need constructive advice on what is likely to happen if I have my son removed this weekend.

OP posts:
Sisi13 · 06/06/2014 18:34

Hi. So sorry you

Sisi13 · 06/06/2014 18:37

Are going thru this. He can't be forced back to the family home and you don't have to take him back since he is 16. He needs to go to the council and present as homeless most areas have hostels for young people. Since he is estranged from you he will be entitled to income support and housing benefit.

Does he want to leave?

Original poster
M2GMOJK · 06/06/2014 18:38

No,he's refusing to go. I am going to have to wait until he goes out and pack his things.

OP posts:
JamJimJam · 06/06/2014 18:39

No. I have a (just) 16 year old but thankfully, my answer is no.

But I am sure you must be desperate to even consider this, so hopefully someone with experience will come along.

Sisi13 · 06/06/2014 18:44

Ca

Joules68 · 06/06/2014 18:45

If he goes to a hostel/council/YMCA they will call social services

They will then speak to you and open a 'case' if necessary. Where is he being removed to?

Sisi13 · 06/06/2014 18:46

My phone seems to be playing up tonight. Grrr! Can he stay with family or friends for a couple of nights to give you some space. Plus you can organise him somewhere suitable to stay long term. Its Friday evening and council and other organisations that may be able to help are closed.

Original poster
M2GMOJK · 06/06/2014 18:49

He has nowhere to go, I have nowhere to send him. It's Friday night and I don't know what to do. I have spoken to Family Lives who have advised me to wait until he goes out, pack his bags and call the police when he comes back as he is likely to kick the door in.

OP posts:
Original poster
M2GMOJK · 06/06/2014 18:58

He has nowhere to go, I have nowhere to send him. It's Friday night and I don't know what to do. I have spoken to Family Lives who have advised me to wait until he goes out, pack his bags and call the police when he comes back as he is likely to kick the door in.

OP posts:
Hels20 · 06/06/2014 19:01

Read CouthyMow's thread "I'm Done" - she was forced
To do the same.

So sorry that you are going through this.

Original poster
M2GMOJK · 06/06/2014 19:26

He has a case open already. We have had the 'support' of our local Multi Agency Team for the last couple of years, he also has been through CAMHS three times as a child. We have moved house once to get him away from certain 'friends' and have moved school twice. There us literally nothing I haven't tried and he is now nearly 17 and will no longer listens to a word I say and I know I shouldn't have to live in fear in my own home.

OP posts:
Fletcherl · 06/06/2014 19:30

No but I took one in.

Doinmummy · 06/06/2014 19:34

I'll watch this with interest.

I can totally sympathise Op. Have been there too.

Doinmummy · 06/06/2014 19:37

If anyone pops up and passes judgement ( like they did with me ) take no notice.

If you haven't been in this position before with IMPOSSIBLE teens then you have no idea the limits to which parents are tested.

Stay strong and keep yourself safe x

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 06/06/2014 19:40

Happened to me when I was 16 and then 4 years later it happened again to my brother when he was 16. He deserved it, I definitely didn't btw.

Joules68 · 06/06/2014 21:21

I've been there with my own dd from age 13 to 16.... She's nearly 18 now and back to the girl she once was... Almost

They turn that corner eventually

Chin up op. Hope it improves for you

beatingwings · 08/06/2014 12:04

No I wouldn't. Part of any problem lies with the parent, not just the teenager.

Joules68 · 08/06/2014 12:59

Ha ha.....

Original poster
M2GMOJK · 08/06/2014 22:25

I'm sorry is this funny in some way? I'm missing the joke...

OP posts:
TheSarcasticFringehead · 08/06/2014 22:29

I think she was laughing at beatingwings statement. No, I haven't, but my BIL was forced to leave when he was 16. He was violent and aggressive, assaulted his parents and siblings and I know my PILs agonised over trying to get him out, but it was the safest thing for them all. He ended up in hostel. Now 29, still has significant MH problems but is a lot better, holding down a job and had an okay relationship with my PILs and DH.

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara · 08/06/2014 22:41

I know someone who had to do just that, and the police were very helpful (he was known to them as violent and dangerous, so she didn't have to convince them iyswim)

I am so sorry you are going through this OP Sad

Ignore the idiots implying this is somehow your fault, it isn't. Your son is old enough to make his own choices and sometimes nothing can stop them from making the wrong ones.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 08/06/2014 22:49

Yes my dps ejected me at 14 as advised by SS. I also deserved it. I was placed in a girls hostel for 2 years

Original poster
M2GMOJK · 08/06/2014 22:59

Thankyou. My ds has been at his gfds house for the weekend and is going to visit the housing authority tomorrow on the advice of Shelter, Family Lives and Social Services.
My ds hates me atm and this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have to go to work tomorrow in the knowledge that he is presenting himself as homeless.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 08/06/2014 23:03

If you kick him out social services will get involved and he'll end up in supported housing.

Might be the making of him tbh... it isn't a hostel, they go into a block of bedsits with staff on the ground floor and taught about bills and the real world but he will have to present as homeless before they'll help.

It will be hard but sometimes something has to give.

Good luck.

ToAvoidConversation · 08/06/2014 23:03

I've never had to do this but have worked with children like this. You are being so brave and hopefully doing what is best for him.