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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is it just me or is the level of vanity amongst teenagers shocking?

43 replies

Nerf · 25/05/2014 11:24

Selfies, posted almost hourly, can't leave the house unless fully made up, late due to hair care and now an absolute NEED for a new razor (disposables not good enough) because of armpit 'shadow'
I just do not remember my teenage years being about this - is it better make up and tools leading to this 'need'? Media?
Honestly, dd is not even the worst I know.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 11:38

DS1 is 15 and isn't vain at all. However some of the posts on his FB feed seem to back up what you are saying WRT his female peers.

NigellasDealer · 25/05/2014 11:45

my DD15 has never taken a selfie in her life - she laughs at them.
(she did demand a pair of expensive straighteners from ex though and complains about cheap foundation.)
she does not have a phone and right now is out doing pony stuff. and she has a lovely BF.
so ner.

NigellasDealer · 25/05/2014 11:46

i find some of the pics on FB that teenage girls take of themselves quite disturbing.
check

chocoluvva · 25/05/2014 11:47

Aww. She'll grow out of it.

They must be under more pressure to be well-groomed than when we were teens what with all the social networking sites, cameras on mobile phones etc. I feel sorry for teenagers in that respect - though they seem to have it easier than us in some other ways.

How old is your DD? My 17.5 YO has become a bit less precious about her appearance since she turned 17. Her BF apparently tells her she doesn't need make up...

I honestly don't know how I'd have coped with being a teenager today - it's not just the social networking sites, but all the Towie and MIC rubbish. I might have gone really indie and opted out of mainstream ways altogether. Might have been very feminist too.

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 11:49

FB duck face selfies are quite funny. They have gone to all the effort to make themselves look 'purdy' (I think that's what they say). Then the mirror is filthy and there's a huge pile of dirty washing in the background or something.

chocoluvva · 25/05/2014 11:51

x-posted.

I find the attitude that teenage girls who take endless selfies are shallow quite annoying - it's not exactly sympathetic. Our teenagers need to be supported to be confident in their appearance. Exploring the reactions of other people to their self-images is a normal part of teenage development.

Nocomet · 25/05/2014 11:52

I don't think mine are any worse than we were in the 80's.

DD1(16) is less obsessed than we were because she isn't going to Discos and the pub most weekends as we did from 14-18. I spent years and a fortune on gel trying to get my hair to flick. DD1 just lets down her scruffy school bun and gives it a quick brush.

DD2(13) is more vain than her sister, but that's because she finds such things i

Original poster

Nerf · 25/05/2014 11:52

Nigella

OP posts:

NigellasDealer · 25/05/2014 11:52

is dd15's fave song - sorry to keep going on about her but i do love her xx

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 11:54

The only reactions I have ever seen are 'You look purdy' 'Not as purdy as you' over and over again....

Never seen a 'OMG you look awful'. I have seen 'clean that mirror' and 'aww is that your cat behind you' though.

Original poster

Nerf · 25/05/2014 11:54

That's interesting choccaluvva, I don't have much time for it at all.
Maybe because it wasn't a rite of passage for my generation so unlike GCSEs, spots, falling out with friends, I just have no experience of it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nerf · 25/05/2014 11:56

Sparkling, true. It's almost like fishing for compliments.

It's interesting about the discos; I also wanted to look good but that was part of the activity (might get a boyfriend!) rather than just for itself.

OP posts:

balenciaga · 25/05/2014 11:57

I think it's to do with FB / twitter / insta etc

I'm 30 something and we were all vain growing up but my god if we'd had the same pressures teens these days do would have been much worse

I've got little ones so not had this yet but see it with my friends dcs, worries me tbh

Nocomet · 25/05/2014 11:58

Interesting and fun.

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 11:58

I have to say if I was a teen now (I started a thread on the subject today) i would be all over FB like a rash, fishing for compliments, being mysterious and angsty etc. FB is made for teens.

AlpacaLypse · 25/05/2014 11:59

I'm sad mine have both succumbed to the peer pressure. (dtds, age 15)

The other day I was unable to make dtd1 eat her breakfast, she had time to do that or to do her makeup, not both. School starts at 8.30 and lunch break not till one, she'll have been rumbling loudly by 10.

calmet · 25/05/2014 12:00

I don't think it is vanity at all. I think it is insecurity about their looks. And given the photos of "perfect" looking women teenage girls are bombarded with, who can blame them for feeling like this.

NorbertDentressangle · 25/05/2014 12:05

14 yo DD isn't on fb but some of her year group are so I've had a sneak peak at their pages.

OMG some have a constant stream of overly made-up (as in ton of make-up)duck faced selfies or posed in front of mirror shots that are followed by post after post of "you're so beautiful/ so pretty/ gawjus hun/sexy" etc.

I'll be honest, some of the poses and pouting horrify me (and I'm no prude). They look so adult and some are quite overtly sexual.

It's not all the girls by any means, some thankfully still seem and look 14 and post endless drivel like those motivational statements and cute pics of kittens! (this is what DD seems to do on Instagram)

SheherazadeSchadenfreude · 25/05/2014 12:05

My DDs are 13 and 15, have never used make up in their lives (I don't ban it; they're just not interested), don't do selfies (apart from silly ones with the cat) and no boyfriends. Their friends seem very similar. DD1 said people at her school don't really start "dating" until they are around 17. I'm quite relieved when I think what I was like at that age.

Nocomet · 25/05/2014 12:12

Sorry that makes no sense. My mum rang in the middle if posting.

Yes getting dressed up was all part and parcel of going to the village dance.

Fussing with my totally uncooperative hair, was everyday for school. Not because I'm in the least vain. I'm the mousy one with glasses. It was just my DFs seem to think I should try and make an effort and a bit of conforming lead to a quieter life.

DD1 does a bit of the conforming to slip under the radar too.

DD2 does fashion and 101 different hair styles because she likes doing it and she's good at it. She's had an eye for fashion from being 9ish so it's not totally for boys or even her peers, she likes messing.

Also it leads to lots of good sister bonding. DD1 may not be fussed herself (most of the time), but she's pretty artistic and a dab hand at make up and doing DD2's hair.

SheherazadeSchadenfreude · 25/05/2014 12:17

Is it more of a British thing, this too much make up and obsession with selfies? I just had a quick look at DD2's FB friends - almost all of her British friends have the over made up selfie as their FB profile photo, but none of her friends from her international school do. Theirs are just regular holiday snaps, or photos with friends - some with a bit of make up on, if they are dressed up, but mostly not.

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 12:18

It may be a regional thing?

KikitheKitKat · 25/05/2014 12:24

My teens' female French friends do all the make-up and pouting too. And claiming to be in a relationship every few weeks, followed by loads of hearts and congratulations messages from other 13 year olds!

chocoluvva · 25/05/2014 12:37

It's difficult to know how best as a parent to handle it. The generation gap is ever present. I'm coming to the conclusion that it's best to be generally supportive without commenting on too many specifics of appearance and wait for this phase to pass without too much complaint. (tiresome though it is ...)

IMO we have very confused attitudes to sexuality - I agree that it's sad when very young teenagers spend a lot of time apparently trying to appear sexually available, but I agree with the posters who have said that this look is also about gaining social acceptance/hiding under the radar etc.

But I'm sure it's healthy to sometimes want to be seen as physically attractive when you're a teenager - what's wrong with that?

Balance in all things though - keep em busy with useful/wholesome pursuits as much as possible I say (eternally grateful for DC's rewarding hobby/talent)

Sorry if I sound patronising/humourless - been thinking about this a lot recently - totally changed some of my attitudes and parenting style since first DC turned 15.

chocoluvva · 25/05/2014 12:43

fishing for compliments - absolutely - even compliments from strangers online seem to be worth chasing... Why do they feel the need? I sometimes wonder if my (intelligent and busy) DD might have spent less time posting selfies online if I'd made more efforts with her to boost her confidence.

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