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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is it just me or is the level of vanity amongst teenagers shocking?

43 replies

Nerf · 25/05/2014 11:24

Selfies, posted almost hourly, can't leave the house unless fully made up, late due to hair care and now an absolute NEED for a new razor (disposables not good enough) because of armpit 'shadow'
I just do not remember my teenage years being about this - is it better make up and tools leading to this 'need'? Media?
Honestly, dd is not even the worst I know.

OP posts:

chocoluvva · 25/05/2014 12:44

rhetorical question - I know why they "feel the need to be perfectly groomed and post selfies"...

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 12:47

No choco it's nothing to do with you not boosting her confidence at all. It's just what they do in 2014, I really believe that. From the ones I have seen it's a mixture of very shy girls to ones I know to be super confident. All doing it the same.

DS1 has hundreds of FB friends. He wouldn't say hello to half of them in the street, and he doesn't really know some-they are friends of friends I think. But it's all about how many FB friends you have for some reason.

chocoluvva · 25/05/2014 13:24

That's so kind of you Sparkling Thank you.

I wonder if the price of toiletries has come down relative to when we were young? My household wouldn't have been able to afford the litres of hair products that DD gets through for example.

And the obsession with getting rid of body hair.... where will it all end?

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 13:30

DH was talking about DS1 and the obsession with the Playstation, DH said if all this technology was available to him when he was a teen he would never have left the house.

It's just the 2014 version of what some teens like to do I guess. And YY to all the different types of cheaper make up and lotions and potions. If i were a teen now I would be in heaven trawling Superdrug every weekend.

Original poster

Nerf · 25/05/2014 19:57

Late back, via unplanned a and e trip! All is ok.
Very interesting, agree there's a lot of pressure and can only suspect reality tv and media influences.
Just so frustrating - I don't see it to the same degree amongst my peers; some of us are more groomed and bothered than others but it's not a 'thing'

OP posts:

chocoluvva · 25/05/2014 20:18

Oh no Nerf - what a way to spend sunday! Glad all is ok.

Mobile phones etc are definitely addictive and that will feed the 'hourly selfies'. Probable but uncertain anticipation of a reward ie 'likes'/comments etc delivers a hit of dopamine apparently.

I feel your pain re your DD making you late because she has to put on make-up etc. I suppose it's not acceptable but in practice it's difficult to deal with (speaks from experience, sigh) Maybe you could tell her you need to go ten minutes before you really need to... (My DD puts her make-up on in the car....)

Original poster

Nerf · 25/05/2014 21:58

Hi, yes, after the panic, the tedium

I do understand the sympathy side of things, but it's hard - she 'needs' an expensive razor despite us being skint, and I use disposables. She needs to spend hours straightening her hair before going out anywhere and is really concerned about clothes and make up, and is actually no way as bad as some of her friends! So, it doesn't fit with me working, raising dcs, worrying about money and world peace!

OP posts:

Nocomet · 25/05/2014 22:16

And we needed, hair moose, blue mascara and drain jeans 30+ years ago. Things haven't changed that much, except things have got comparitvely cheaper. So DD2 has a vast number of clothes and curling wands and straightners. But the basic teen playing with and seeking approval for their looks hasn't changed since my DM first put a circle skirt over a big net petticoat and spent ages behiving ber hair in the mid 1950's

chocoluvva · 25/05/2014 23:17

blue mascara! I loved it - what a blast from the past

I suppose teenagers are known for being self-absorbed- brain rewiring and all that. Vanity must be a part of that. I only work very part-time so I've had the time to be pretty indulgent with my DD re waiting for her while she faffs around etc. I sometimes wonder if I've been a good model of patience for her and successfully avoided sweating( some of) the small stuff - still quite proud of myself for pretending not to notice her wearing mascara to school when she was twelve or if I've only succeeded in spoiling her. Occasionally I remind her that if I worked more hours she'd have to be more organised and less precious about certain things.

On the other hand teenagers just think you don't understand and feel hard done by if you deny them their razors and time to straighten their hair. And DD doesn't generally make a fuss. She put up without having a shower for three days with no fuss when we were at her GPs; GM is extremely thrifty when it comes to hot water. So now that I'm hopefully past the worst of it with my DD, I think on balance if you can manage to put up with their tiresome ways they'll grow out of it and you might be slightly less likely to have a teenager who makes no attempt to communicate with you because you won't understand/be sympathetic etc, have a resentful teen. Idk really. It's probably a question of balance.

My sympathies OP - it's quite like the toddler stage again when you can't get them outside the door without a tantrum over shoes/taking an unsuitable toy/refusing to go in the pushchair when you're in a hurry etc.

chocoluvva · 25/05/2014 23:20

Or maybe I'm just a doormat.

so hard to know.

BackforGood · 25/05/2014 23:34

I think it's as it's always been - some are, some aren't....haven't you watched Dirty Dancing ? ...there was Babe (studious, left her hair to just do what it did, was going to go to college then going to change the world), whereas her sister was hugely concerned she'd not brought the right shoes, and her life was all around how she'd done her hair and makeup.

But seriously - some teens are like that, others are not. I guess if your dd is, then possibly it's more likely she hangs with other girls who are too. My dd (as an example) has no time for faffing with her hair and doesn't wear make-up, and that seems pretty much the same for all of her friends I see (in RL or on FB) tbh. Much as it's always been.

Original poster

Nerf · 26/05/2014 08:39

Well you are all very lovely and supportive of this teenage need, so I may have to suck it up.

OP posts:

Hassled · 26/05/2014 08:43

I was gobsmackingly vain as a teenager. Absolutely obsessed with my looks and spent hours on it - this was the 80s. I can't believe the youth of today could possibly out-vanity me :o.

MarshaBrady · 26/05/2014 08:45

Social media means selfies. But then people of all ages do it too.

Sparklingbrook · 26/05/2014 08:46

Many a happy hour spent faffing with Shaders and Toners/Sun In and it not making a scrap of difference to my hair colour in the 80s.

Leave the house in short-ish skirt, then roll it up at the waist to make an indecently short skirt.

KatieKaye · 26/05/2014 08:48

I'm going to go against the grain, as my experience is of a teenager who puts any and all photos of herself on FB. Yes, the incredibly unflattering ones with unbrushed hair etc - no self-censorship at all! But I suppose it shows she's confident in herself? And I don't say anything, but just admire the best ones.

Anonynony · 26/05/2014 08:52

I was exactly the same, though without the selfies.
She'll grow out of it honestly.

chocoluvva · 26/05/2014 12:28

It depends on your circumstances though Nerf - if you can't afford expensive razors you're more than entitled to say no - or ask her what she'll go without having - she might decide she doesn't 'need' to have shadow-free armpits if it means going without something else.

Selfies are not always about getting compliments - also a form of expression. So, an unflattering photo is a statement that you're either confident or you don't care. Like clothes I suppose

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