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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Marijuana plants - irresponsible parenting or pragmatism ?!

114 replies

Claybury · 15/04/2014 17:47

My DS 16 and his friends regularly smoke weed on weekend night - something I hate but really have no power to stop. I have often wondered how they afford /obtain it. Well it seems quite normal to grow your own plant now, DS says his mates do, and tried to persuade DH that it's a good idea, avoids using dealers, and I think they grow a mild strain - they also know what they are getting. ( not skunk).
I will not allow this in my house as I do not want anyone in my family smoking anything but with other parents allowing it and the boys not touching alcohol as usual I am the out of touch strict bad guy. DH doesn't like him smoking anything but seemed almost persuaded by the arguments ( he told DS 'your mum would never allow it ')
Someone back me up please !!!!!

OP posts:
alita7 · 19/04/2014 00:40

it doesn't matter whether or not it is harmful, you (as you already know) cannot allow your husband to put your family at risk by growing something illegal at home. Your husband would be responsible and have to serve time if he was caught, this would have a massive financial and social impact, potentially for years to come and your kids may even end up in foster care if they think you were aware of it.

livingzuid · 19/04/2014 00:42

OP, I live in the Netherlands and have had to get used to quite a different attitude towards weed. Can't stand the stuff personally but here it is seen as a choice you make and you can also grow a bit for personal use. People pop out at lunch to have a joint and then head back to work again which made my mind boggle a bit but they were perfectly normal, functioning adults who liked to smoke pot once in a while. There are many moves afoot to regulate the amount of THC and heaven help you if you are caught growing more than your allowance. Ten thousand euro fine minimum and you hear helicopters all the time flying around looking for weed farms.

It doesn't carry the same stigma as in the UK, and it's of course heavily regulated and you have to be over 18, but I still can't help but cringe at the smell whether it's walking past a coffee shop or in the park or street (illegal to smoke in public but there you go).

I hate all drugs due to very bad experiences as a teenager that ultimately led to a friend's death. But as you say, your son is 16 going on 17 and rapidly nearing the stage where he will be leaving home and entering full blown adulthood. I thought it showed that your relationship had strength that he can discuss this with you. He has to reach that decision for himself but it's really positive that you haven't alienated him and he seems to trust you.

There is experimentation with drugs which I think most people grow out of or become habitual pot smokers like my aunt and uncle who work and are perfectly fine, and then there is systematic abuse over a period of years that leads one down a road of harder and harder stuff until it's too late. I'm sure you son is in the former category and it also made me think, remembering what happened to some of my friends, it could be worse. If weed is as far as he wants to go and he's rejected other kinds of drug then thank god for that. Hopefully he will stop.

What he chooses to do outside of your home and what goes on in it are two very different things. No way should you allow weed to be grown - not only is it illegal but that in some way shows you kind of condone his behaviour. And it smells terrible. I get that there is some seriously altered pot on the market, stuffed full of chemicals and that home grown is better perhaps, but it's against the law and you do not want drug paraphernalia in the house, end of story. Your son needs to respect that. Your house, your rules.

Just to add to a comment about weed causing certain mental illness - it can be an early trigger to something that is already there i.e. there is a genetic predisposition that you were going to get it anyway and a life event could trigger it through to drug use. I have bipolar and I would have developed it no matter what and it was not down to the very small amounts of weed I smoked as a teen, but was an inherited illness. I think an earlier poster was saying it just means the onset is faster than it would have been otherwise in some cases.

Good luck Thanks

MrsCakesPremonition · 19/04/2014 02:08

Aww mum, but everyone else is doing it...

Says every teenager about everything they want to do but have been told they can't. Don't fall for it. Phone up all his friends parents and ask if they are growing weed in their homes.

Spidermama · 21/04/2014 15:03

I'm with Nigellasdealer. People ranting about weed like it's crack or meth are living on another planet.

Cannabis is illegal for political reasons. I'm not saying it's good to smoke loads but then neither is it good to drink loads of alcohol or smoke cigarettes. Those are provably much worse for you.

The fact that cannabis is still illegal never fails to astound me. It's absolutely ridiculous and it puts a massive strain on policing.

I'm far more worried about my kids using alcohol than I am about them using weed. I educate them about the hazards and the benefits of both.

MrsRTea · 21/04/2014 16:29

Spidermama, take a look at the recent research I linked to above. Does that change your opinion?

LongTimeLurking · 21/04/2014 17:24

MrsRTea is that the research that is completely pulled apart here?

Which is based on 20 people most of whom were smoking more than 10 times a week.

LongTimeLurking · 21/04/2014 17:26

another link

"The conclusions were modest in the paper — we never say marijuana causes these changes," Gilman said, who's a neuroscientist with a Ph.D. from Brown University. "The media may have given that impression in headlines, but the study doesn't show causation."

MrsRTea · 21/04/2014 20:59

Oh, I apologise. What a load of shite. Blush

I'll get me coat. I really should know better...I thought it was groundbreaking new science. Hmm

FabMumDebs · 23/04/2014 23:40

This reply has been deleted

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FabMumDebs · 23/04/2014 23:43

Documentary

FabMumDebs · 23/04/2014 23:58

Also: don't go forgetting the alcohol prohibition in America. If that was here, I can bet your bottom dollar a hell of a lot of people would still find little underground places to drink.

Hell, why do you think medical professionals don't speak out about it? Because everytime they do, they are shunned forever.

The alcohol prohibition gave the likes of 'al Capone' a bloody good little earner and is was one of the main reasons he became such a big time gangster. This is happening right now with cannabis.

Check the criminal statistics of Amsterdam (where legalised, taxed and regulated) and see what comes up.

Claybury · 24/04/2014 10:11

Fabmum. The alcohol /weed comparison is fatuous. Both can be harmful. Even if you think alcohol is a greater harm this doesn't imply weed is ok !

Fact is most of us as responsible parents do not want our kids to smoke anything - we are talking about children here and all talk of legality is an irrelevance for under 18's.
Surely you are not suggesting cannabis be freely available to 13 year olds ? Because that's the age many start smoking.

OP posts:
FabMumDebs · 24/04/2014 13:26

I never said that I think cannabis poses no risk what so ever. The fact your inhaling heated plant matter into the lungs is as far as it goes. What I was saying however, is that this poses much less of a health risk than alcohol and tobacco and yet we are still able to buy these things freely.

Fact of the matter is, if your children want to smoke weed, want to drink, want to smoke cigarettes.... There is nothing you can do to stop them (within reason ofcourse).

Don't get me wrong, id rather none of these drugs (including drink, which is a drug.... Just legal) were about and we didn't use them. But many people do. You will never be able to change this.

Where the hell did you get the idea that I think it's ok for a 13 year old to be smoking weed? I wouldn't say that's right but at the end of the day, as said before, there is nothing you can do unless you keep him / her chained up and not let them out the house.

HubbaBubbas · 05/05/2014 21:34

Pretty much spot on FabMumDebs.

A lot of the hysteria surrounding cannabis, perpetuated by the media and alcohol lobbies, uses correlation rather than causation in their arguments.

People who are genetically pre-disposed to mental health issues, or suffering mental health issues due to stresses in life are more likely to use drugs like cannabis to help with the symptoms. A vast majority of schizophrenics smoke tobacco, for example, since it seems to improve their condition. However, it is completely different (and unscientific) to say cannabis CAUSES these mental health problems and the subsequent consequences they can have. Psychosis rates have been stable for years and are in fact falling despite cannabis use increasing.

This doesn't mean people should be abusing drugs (legal and illegal) to cope with these problems, rather the root cause should be found and treated - you are then far more likely to be responsible with drugs therefore lowering harm.

It's not easy as a parent to separate the wheat from the chaff when it comes to drugs, decades of prohibition have created societal and moral pressures to disregard illegal drugs as the devil's creation, yet it is this attitude that creates more harm than good.

Every one of us has an endocannabinoid system which regulates many processes within our bodies and therefore has incredible medicinal potential (see image).

Cheers.

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