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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Marijuana plants - irresponsible parenting or pragmatism ?!

114 replies

Claybury · 15/04/2014 17:47

My DS 16 and his friends regularly smoke weed on weekend night - something I hate but really have no power to stop. I have often wondered how they afford /obtain it. Well it seems quite normal to grow your own plant now, DS says his mates do, and tried to persuade DH that it's a good idea, avoids using dealers, and I think they grow a mild strain - they also know what they are getting. ( not skunk).
I will not allow this in my house as I do not want anyone in my family smoking anything but with other parents allowing it and the boys not touching alcohol as usual I am the out of touch strict bad guy. DH doesn't like him smoking anything but seemed almost persuaded by the arguments ( he told DS 'your mum would never allow it ')
Someone back me up please !!!!!

OP posts:
Claybury · 15/04/2014 21:38

Hope so Maryz, thanks.
I don't think my younger 2 will be the same, hope yours neither. It's so hard when it is normalised , it's all around them.

OP posts:
itsbetterthanabox · 15/04/2014 21:45

What a stupid kid telling you he smokes weed Shock that's just asking for trouble.
I and my friends kept our smoking very sly and quiet Wink
Don't grow in your home, you will be arrested too if you get caught.

AnarchoSyndicalistMumofthree · 15/04/2014 23:02

Harm minimisation is surely the order of the day?

Clearly knowing the provenance of the plant material means that ultimately homegrown is likely to reduce the majority of risks associated with cannabis use except perhaps that of prosecution for cultivation.

Improved health vs fear of prosecution for an essentially victimless crime.
I thought the drug laws were supposed to protect our health and that of our children yet they seem only to make the harms of drug use greater. I would rather my children be smoking homgrown than pretty much all other drug substances I care to think of.

Em

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 16/04/2014 07:35

Anarchio, what a choice. How about the choice between "safe homegrown organic drugs", " bad drugs" and.... "NO drugs"?!

It is not a given that all kids use drugs, you know?

Presenting drugs as "harmless" is bad parenting, especially considering the possible psychiatric effects on a still developing brain as well as short term effects if simply being dopey and learning that taking drugs is ok and "normal".

I lived in the Netherlands as a teen, and only stupid people at school took drugs. Most didn't, drugs were not seen as cool but as something for losers.

Yet in the UK it seen as "cool" by some kids as well as their parents.

alita7 · 16/04/2014 10:29

He doesn't need to grow it at home he just wants to be cool, if his friends are already growing it themselves then he has easy, cheap access already to what i assume would be safer and cleaner disregarding the argument for growing his own.

smileyforest · 16/04/2014 18:29

MaryZ
I have 2 boys...nearly 16y and 18y.....never thought they would get into smoking weed...I hate it...never done it myself...its so easy for them to get....what can you do to stop it??? I have done the usual...warnings....details....stop money...IT DOES NOT WORK!...Parents that say....you can 'STOP IT'...I would really like to know how...I can't be with them 24/7....I work full time...single parent too...It appears the 'in thing' these days...I have a 29y old and 30y old as well...they were aware of weed during their teens...did a bit but mostly did alcohol....getting p....d..they are fine now....good adults...jobs etc...I hope my boys grow out of it but 'holiday' breaks are the worse....its been terrible this past week as I'm sure they do it more when I'm at work....They are going off to the Festival at Chepstow.....in May (Sunshine)...just hope they dont try anything worse....I get quite down about it....and worry...I know a lot of other parents do as well....
I just got back from walking the dog....In the park were 14/16 yr olds....and listening to them...every other word was 'F'....and discussions were about weed...why is this happpening...I just don't know...I work in the Health Sector...so promote opposite to what my boys do...I just CANT stop it...they say they have researched it all...are bright boys....I don't want to wish the years away....just hope maturity brings them to their senses.....

Bunbaker · 16/04/2014 18:35

"Weed is not harmful."

It is to some people. As has been amply demonstrated on this thread already.

FourForksAche · 16/04/2014 18:38

does anyone else think the post reads like something a Jeremy Kyle researcher might knock up?

MrsRTea · 16/04/2014 18:53

Even casual use of cannabis alters brain

Claybury · 16/04/2014 19:11

Smiley - also dreading the holidays as DS doesn't smoke on a school night. I'm worried about the post GCSE period as his exams really are focussing him ATM - from June he'll have no structure.
It's nothing to do with you working / single mum. I'm a SAHM, I'm around to keep a very close eye but he's 16!!! I can't lock him up. It's also worse in the summer as they can sit in the park without freezing.
And it can lead to trying other stuff - ketamine and mdma are prevalent.
At school they told us the legal highs are a huge concern as no one knows what's in them - kids turn up to hospitals and doctors don't know what to do.
I'm really confounded by DS saying his friends are growing it as it is a free supply.

ALL smoking is harmful. They mix weed with tobacco in joints and the tobacco is highly addictive for a start.

OP posts:
Maryz · 16/04/2014 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Claybury · 17/04/2014 07:48

We are a very normal family ! DH and I don't smoke and just drink on occasion socially, we are into sport and healthy living, I NEVER EVER imagined a child of mine would start smoking weed at 13. I guess I used to think that was something that happened Jeremy Kyle type families. But as Maryz said , it can happen in any family.

OP posts:
LongTimeLurking · 17/04/2014 08:01

yes but skunk is all they are getting these days. homegrown is less harmful.

Skunk is just strong 'weed', usually just the buds of the female plant rather than a mix which includes the less potent leaves as well. It is very possible for anyone to grow 'skunk' cannabis.

As others have said you can't stop a teenager from smoking it but to allow/encourage growing his own is incredibly irresponsible. The penalties of being caught growing vs being caught with a small amount for personal use are completely different and not worth the risk, especially for a teenager who will go boasting to his mates.

Plus then there are the debatable health risks. Lifestyle issues of getting involved with the 'wrong' people.

OP's DH is clearly an idiot to encourage this.

NinjaLeprechaun · 18/04/2014 05:39

The definition of skunk I'm familiar with is low quality cheap stuff, what you're referring to is what I'd call bud.
No wonder I was getting confused reading these threads.

I live where pot is completely normalized and legal for medical use (and where my daughter goes to school it's legal to those over 21) and I know a lot of people who use it casually. No wonder my eighteen-year-old doesn't use, how can something be cool if your grandparents do it? Marijuana use isn't going to lead to the use of harder drugs unless the person wants to take harder drugs, and not taking marijuana isn't going to stop that from happening. I know a lot more people who have serious problems with alcohol use than with marijuana use.

I think that making something illegal and a huge deal is going to make it a lot more appealing to the teens who are looking for the most exciting way to rebel.
Having said that, if it is illegal to grow pot then letting somebody grow a plant on your property is, quite literally, criminally stupid.

MoominsAreScary · 18/04/2014 05:56

No you cant stop them but you dont condone it either, you tell them how harmful it is and hope they listen to you they grow out of it.

We were lucky that ds1 stopped, a few of his friends didnt and a few years later arnt doing so well, no jobs, no real social life just weed smoking all day long.

Ds1 does smoke fags now, another problem with smoking weed is you end up addicted to nicotine.

Ive working in drug and alcohol and mh, the number of teens who started off smoking weed before moving on to stronger stuff is incredably high. As is those who suffered psychosis after years of daily weed smoking.

MoominsAreScary · 18/04/2014 05:59

And its ok to say its not strong stuff, but how long before they stop getting the effects from it and move on to the stronger stuff

NinjaLeprechaun · 18/04/2014 06:39

Why would smoking pot get you addicted to nicotine? That's like saying that drinking beer will make you addicted to cocaine.

Eminorsustained · 18/04/2014 06:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flow4 · 18/04/2014 09:34

Oh I wasn't going to post, but I can't keep lurking any longer...

LingTimeLurking: "Skunk is just strong 'weed'"... No, it's not. They alter the chemical structure of the drug, removing some of the cannabinoid (CBD) to add extra THC molecule(s). Thus skunk has more THC and less CBD than 'normal' cannabis. This matters because (a) there is good evidence that THC is psychoactive and can cause psychosis, so people smoking skunk have a higher risk of mental health problems than people smoking 'normal' cannabis (and both are at higher risk than non-smokers), and (b) there is some evidence from medical trials that CBD can have some positive effects, and that it mitigates the negative, psychotic effects of THC. So people smoking skunk are using a modified form that reduces or removes the part of cannabis that might actually be ok or even good.

Skunk is not "just strong weed". Its reduced cannabinoid content means it barely deserves the name cannabis at all.

RunnerBeen · 18/04/2014 09:41

A girl in my area has just done six months in prison for having cannabis plants in her rented flat- it wasn't even
hers, it was a lodger who wouldn't own up.

If your son or you got caught, that's what you could face.

if you can't stop him smoking it, fair enough, but don't facilitate it. Stand your ground, and give your DH a good clout on the lugs to see if it knocks some sense into him.

Cupid5tunt · 18/04/2014 09:45

Definitely don't allow it. A friend of mine (adult friend) used to grow it in his house and it stinks. You could smell it as soon as you went up the stairs although he did have quite a lot of plants up there. It's illegal and really for it to grow properly you should buy UV lights (which are expensive to run). Feel like I should chuck in it's illegal again.

Throughout my life I have known many people who smoke weed, personally I don't, have tried it a few times but never smoked regularly. Can't stand it actually.

Your son is running the risk of addiction. I'm not just talking about the weed but nicotine too if they mix (which most people do).

Anyway you are being perfectly reasonable to not want hash plants growing in your house - I reckon your DH is all for it because he would be up for trying it himself Grin If other parents are happy for this to be going on in their houses then tell them to grow there!

flow4 · 18/04/2014 10:12

Clay, do everything you can to find something to occupy your DS during the holidays. A paid job if possible. Voluntary work if you can set it up. Travel. An expedition. What exactly this should be depends on your DS: the crucial thing is that it should be something that motivates him and that he needs to keep his head straight for.

IMO there are two entirely different kinds of dope smokers: ones who smoke to unwind from whatever it is they normally do, and ones who smoke to switch off from life because it's boring or empty or awful. The first lot seem to be ok. The second lot seem to have problems, sometimes catastrophic ones.

The difference between the two groups seems to be whether or not they have something else in their lives that motivates them.

You don't get to choose or control which group your own DC will fall into, but you do get some control, usually, over helping them find something that they want to do.

I speak from personal experience. My DS1 was in the second group from 13-17. It became increasingly grim. At first he was just one of the spliff-smoking kids in school uniform that Maryz describes. Then he was taking other stuff too. Then stealing from me and being violent. Then being arrested on suspicion of burglary. Then his dealers were arrested for murder... Desperate times.

I did everything I could think of. He had no allowance for almost 2 years. His room was stripped, partly because I'd confiscated stuff, partly because he'd sold it. I even had him arrested. Ultimately, everything reinforced his feeling that his life was shit and skunk was the best thing in it. :(

In the end, there were a number of 'turning points': his dealers went to prison; he stopped taking m-cat; he got onto a college course he wanted; I moved us; he got a part-time job... Over the course of a year or so, life for him changed from something that felt awful and out of his control, to one that he began to like.

He still smokes dope, but now only at evenings and weekends, on his way home from work rather than his way to school. There's a bit of me that wishes he didn't smoke at all, of course; but on the other hand almost all his peers do - and all my friends' teenagers, and many of my friends, so it's a pointless wish... Better to be happy and relieved and proud that he's come so far. :)

Don't let him grow it, Clay. The arguments in favour - that home-grown is better than skunk and he'd avoid dealers - are outweighed by the arguments against - that it's illegal and risky and could cause trouble for you as well as him. Ultimately you can't stop him making bad decisions for himself, but this is one that would involve you too, so that's a line you get to draw.

Branleuse · 18/04/2014 10:14

this is why its stupid that its illegal.
i dont see why people cant grow a small amount for personal use

Claybury · 18/04/2014 20:00

Thanks flow , I agree.
My DS is doing well in most aspects, his communication at home is improving from the grunting stage and he is studying hard for GCSE's . He says he smokes once a week max, I don't really believe that. His attitude is that he has tried lots of things, cigarettes , alcohol, various drugs and all he likes is weed. Worryingly for a boy who thinks he knows everything he even says he doesn't consider it a drug because it is a plant (!) . He and I cannot see eye to eye , as in his opinion I haven't tried cannabis so I am not entitled to an opinion. For this reason he will not take on board anything I say about it. It's very frustrating.
I have offered to pay for an expedition in the summer but he won't be persuaded. Hopefully he'll get a job locally and grow up quick

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 18/04/2014 20:02

Is it possible to arrange for the local community constable to pay you a visit at home and talk to your son?